Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan BFF again party the night out with Nicky ...

Looks like Paris Hilton is serious about a return to the lime light, and she's chosen a short cut by way of infamy to get there. That 'cause where ever Lindsay Lohan goes attention follows. Only Charlie Sheen in overdrive is a greater media magnet than Lindz - of course when the Warlock is in overdrive nothing and no one can keep up. On ordinary days though Lindz is the last word in Celeb Gossip. Now there's only one thing that could make the scenario complete!

Those were the days

Wonder Woman Love

Brangelina moves into terror alert

Shesh - normal crazy chicks just get headaches!

It's been a long time since we've heard shit about Angelina Jolie and the lull must be driving her nuts. Some reports say she's starting to have bad dreams. Angie has had nightmares in the past. Particularly she claims to have had reoccurring dreams about stabbing her dad, Jon Voight, with a fork. No word on whether those occurred during the Republican National Convention - in which case she could be forgiven.

Anyhow the dreams are back, and that has her significant other Brad Pitt concerned. You see he's the guyy with the rare previledge of sleeping with Driving Miss Crazy each and every night. So if Angie gets an attack of Cuckoo Time in the PM hours, he's the only one within reach, should she feel the need to work off some of that insanity.

According to some unnamed sources that started tattling to the Pulitzer Prize nominated National Enquirer, Brad is pretty freaked out by these latest developments. Says source:

“I think Brad’s greatest fear must be that the nightmares will continue and Angie could wind up sleepwalking and unknowingly become violent with him,” explains one of these “insiders.”
“I’m sure he wants to nip this problem in the bud immediately,” adds the Enquirer’s source.

I'm sure he does. She might stab him if he's lucky. No one wants to see this thing go John Bobbit.

Hilary Clinton has it all: Sec of State, success, accomplishment, & big fat ass cankles!

Now from one Powergirl to another - Sec of State Hilary Clinton!



In other news Tim Gunn is shooting from the lip again and this time his target is Sec of State Hilary Clinton. Gunn was on George Lopez' show the other night and the pair took turns at trashy Hil. Gunn started with a salvo on Clinton's Jersey Shore Style. Then George commented that her pronts had a No Bugs M'Lady style. Gunn then moved on to a full frontal attack. Said Gunn:

"Why must she dress that way? I think she's confused about her gender!" He added, "No, I'm really serious, she wears pantsuits that are unflattering." Then it went on to "cankles."
Gunn finished, "I have great respect for her intellect and her tenacity and for what she does for our country in her governmental role. I just wish she could send a stronger message about American fashion."

I have a theory. I don't think that Hilary is one bit confused about her gender. She jsut keeps everyone else guessing. Just like SNL's Pat, as played by Nora Dunn! Don't sweat it Hilary, 'cause even an over pumped super heroine can get shit over how she dresses!

Gossip Girl gets dirty

LEIGHTON MEESTER plays Gossip Girl on TV. Her personal life is pure Jerry Springer. For one thing she was born behind bars to mom Constance while Connie was serving a drug rap. There's no shame in that since you can't help the circumstances of your birth - as alleged American Barack Obama might tell you. However what Meester might deserve full credit for is keeping up her fine family traditions for years and right up tothe present.

For one thing Meester and her mom have a tense relationship. That's lead to at least one court case. See when the Meese made it big she promised her mom that she's look after her. That's what mom says in a law suit against her daughter. According to mom once Meester got her fat ass on easy street she promoted reneged on all those sweet talk promises faster than you can say "hope" and "change" "you can believe in" - "and this time I really mean it!".

Mom claims that her daughter has canceled Connie's med insurance - $10 000 per month. That's bad cause Connie's got Hep C. The treatment comes to $5000 per month. She's also got a sick son - Leighton's younger brother Alexander, and she's got a house in foreclosure. That has Connie calling out her daughter as "malicious". That's cause Leighton hasn't lifted one selfish finger to help out. In fact the most effort she's made is to throw her mother to thte ground and beat her repeatedly with a bottle - according to mom. That happened back in Dec according to Connie's law suit.

Naturally Leighton has a different story. For one thing she wasn't born in prison but in a halfway house! For another her mom is a loser and a dead beat. She was always bad news and so you can't beleive one word that come sout of her mouth. Like the deal about her brother. Meester says she used to pitch in $7500 per month. Leighton said she had to stop helping out with that cause mom was blowing the money on plastic surgery and botox! She also helped herself to some hair extensions.

Leighton, or her attorney on her behalf, say that Leighton did this out of the goodness of her heart. She was under no obligation to do so. This is because there is absolutely no contract between mother and daughter about who would pay what. Connie maintains that she's owed something for sacrificing her happiness and fulfillment to make Leighton the selfish ungrateful bitch she is today. Leighton maintains that mom is a dead beat who doesn't make any attempt to support herself. She prefers to sponge off of her daughter. That's when she's not swiping pain meds from her son. She pulled that stunt after the lad - Lex - was recovering from brain surgery. That got mentioned in Leighton's counter suit.

So push has come to shove in a legal battle that not even Judge Judy could resolve. Even Dr. Laura's capacity for shaming and moralizing might be strained to the limit by such a situation. Both combatants seem committed to tearing the other a new arse hole with a kind of ferocity we haven't seen since Anne Nicole Smith took on her own mom Virgie on national TV. So this thing could get drawn out and involve a lot of shit slinging. That is unless both parties come to their senses, path it up, and get along like family. Or unless mom has some dirt that she can hold over her famous daughter's head. Maybe you better brace yourself for a Leighton Meester Sex Tape!

BTW Connie has more than vague recrimination. She claims that she kept track of all the cash she spent turning her daughter into a stuck up cunt. Cash spent on shit like acting classes. There were also some private schools. So the total comes out to $230 000. If that list is itemized then Connie's got a strong case, as daytime TV court show viewers will realize.

For some amusing commentary on this sad case head over to DListed, where the guy who coined the phrase "White Oprah" calls out Connie as a Shameless Whore Mother who wants to charge Leighton for renting out her womb. Not to jump to conclusions but he sounds like he's on Team Leighton.

Screwing Sienna Miller will fuck your brain

Remember Rhys Ifans? He's the Welsh singer/actor who briefly dated Sienna Miller while she was between wrecking marriages. That didn't work out and the whole sorry deal left Ifans in some dingy Brit bar hollering,screaming, challenging folks to fights, and telling anyone who'd listen how great Hitler was. Then he groped some one on the dance floor, flipped a table, and passed out. That's how I remember it being reported, though certain Andy Dick incidents could've gotten mixed in there. It would've been a good night's work for Dick.

Now everyone was hoping that this was some kind of passing phase and that Rhys would get back to his senses and to whatever it is that he usually does for a living. Well that's exagerating since large segments of the population don't know who the hell Rhys Ifans is or what the fuck he does for a living. Let's just say that many bystanders were hoping that Miller hadn't fucked another life. I'm not calling Miller out as some kind of slut; I'm just saying that's what passer bys write on the front of her home.

Well if there were any of you hoping that Hurricane Sienna's destructive effects had there limits then I've got some bad news. Though Rhys did eventually get back towards some kind of gainful employment, he's still worse for wear. The gainful employment part involves that new Spiderman movie their making. Rhys plays The Lizard. That's the mad scientific character who turns himself into a mutant monster while trying to regrow his arm. He probably should've just stuck some bug in the microwave and let it bite him; but characters in the comic seem unaware of the storylines they participate in. It turns out that Rhys is just as monsterous in real life as the character he plays in comic book flicks.

Rhys had to go down to Comic-con to promote Spirderman. It used to be a place for Asperger's suffered and guys who could neither get laid nor get rid of pimples. Nowadays it's a major promotional venue. Since Rhys is lucky to be doing anything, it behooved him (like that word? Art Garfunkel used to use it a lot in interviews!). Now appearing at Comic-con is enough to grate on any normal person's nerves; However Ifans had a blow out that went well beyond nerd related pique.

Seems that when Rhys was trying to get into the building there was some kind of misunderstanding. Ifan's people - and how fortunate they must feel to be under such ownership - lacked the proper entrance credentials. So some annoying security personal held them up at the door. That's what got Ifan's goat. It's bad enough to have to go to Nerdfest, then to get all the way there and be held up a the door is too damned much! So Rhys got enraged and shoved a female security person.

Though Rhys was rowdy, & drunk; he gamely went in to sit out his panel duty. he answered a bunch of questioned from people with no social life nor normal interested. Then on his way out of the building he had more security related problems. Another guard placed him under citizen's arrest for assault! That lead to a visit from the real cops, and the following statement from Lt Andra Brown:

"He was aggressive and belligerent," Lt. Andra Brown said of the Welsh actor. "He was... berating everyone from the security staff to the United States of America."

"He was cited and released, which is a non-custodial misdemeanor arrest," added Brown, who said that the San Diego City Attorney will now determine whether to pursue charges. Ifans could be required to pay a fine, or could contest the case before a judge.

Witnesses say that security was a little over aggressive. They also say that Rhys was belligerent & stewed to the gills. In fact Rhys got so overwrote that he exclaimed, during the festivities, that "The USA sucks". At least Sienna restricted herself to the city of "Shitsburgh". Anyway Rhys got a trip in the squad car, but was later released. He had recently celebrated a birthday and so wasn't in the best state of mind. He many or may not be required to pay a fine. We can only hope that this is once again a passing phase, and not something more serisous; like Sienna Miller related long term brain damage! Let's just hope that the poor mouthy fellow hasn't talked himself onto some no fly list, or he won't have to worry about going to America again for awhile (though his security problems might persist).

A trash flash from the past

the flashy and the trashy

Image via Wikipedia

In life there’s trashy and there’s toxic. Trashy can be campy good fun, like Paris Hilton; while toxic can be an accident waiting to happen, like Anne Heche. Heche started her career as a soap opera actress back on Another World. She played twins. Since she played both roles the question of which one was evil was moot. Anne was meant for higher things that daytime TV and she soon moved up in the world, though her life was to continue to be an over the top soap opera.

Looking good and going places

Anne’s a good looking chick and that can take you places in Hollywood. Especially if you don’t mind screwing around to get on in the world. In that respect Heche was as game as Sienna Miller (and Sienna’s had more riders than a carousel pony - whether or not it's true that what goes up comes down, who ever said what goes around comes around must've been thinking of Sienna - she's been around more than most painted carousel ponies). So she soon made a lot of influential new friends. Friends like Steve Martin. He met Heche when his marriage was either on the rocks, or through. Either way Heche didn’t do that relationship any good.

Hot air and both sides of clouds

Martin did her some good. He was a very successful comedy film actor at the time. So he was helpful in getting Heche some of those coveted movie roles. When she wasn’t trying out for film work she and Martin took hot air balloon rides together - which they described as ‘funner than fun’. When she wasn’t movin’ on up via hot air balloon, she & Martin shopped for dream homes that they could share. In this case house shopping with Heche had about the same relationship mojo as getting matching his and hers tattoos. As with many of Heche’s relationships, the joy ride was over before the car got out of the drive way.

up up and away

Anne wouldn’t be lonesome for long. She managed to get Ellen DeGeneres’ attention. No one is quite sure how this happened, though some think Ellen might have suffered some kind of head injury just prior to the ill fated fling. The unofficial version is that Ellen had noticed Anne about town and put the word out that she found Heche highly desirable. Heche wasn’t lesbian, but was willing to learn. Especially if there were major career perks involved. Since Ellen was kind of a bog deal in TV sit coms at the time, career perks were kind of a given. When the two met at a Hollywood wing ding, Anne turned on the charm. Before you knew it Heche had the bit between her teeth and was away to the races faster than you could say “Tallyho!”

teaser and the firecat

While Anne and Ellen set up together as high profile celebrity lesbians Stevo was left to nurse his wounds. He kind of felt ill done by in the whole Heche affair. He got some of it out of his system by writing Bowfinger. The Heather Graham character was supposedly based on Heche (I say supposedly because Martin himself may have mentioned that in a few interviews). If Stevo was marked down as bitter it was only because everyone was busy celebrating Heche and DeGeneres’ daring new love! Heche hadn’t completely forgotten about Martin though. In an ‘insult to injury’ move, she did talk Ellen into buying the dream home Martin had picked out for her.

Happily ever after - please make it stop!

Everything was now set for a happily ever after type scenario. There was only one problem; one of the players in the piece was Anne Heche. As soon as the love birds had settled into nest things took a nasty turn. Ellen lost her sit com. That led to a year long bout of unemployment and depression. In show business extended periods of unemployment can be trouble; since if you haven’t really made it, it could mean that you might get left behind and never work again.

unsinkable Annie

That left Ellen moping around the love nest while Anne grew ever more impatient. Anne had hoped hot gay sex would open every door in Hollywood to her. She hadn’t really signed on to give moral support to a unemployed middle aged lesbian. Never one to go down with the ship Anne began looking for the rat’s way out.

“I’m like a gay man trapped in a hot chick’s bod!”

She had to be careful. Some people had questioned her commitment to alternative lifestyles. Basically they were saying that Anne, never lesbian before, had hooked into DeGeneres as some kind of meal ticket/free pass into Hollywood. If she dropped Ellen like a hot potato then she’d come off as an opportunist. That’s something no serious opportunist would dare do. So she started floating stories that Ellen’s general lack of motivation was unattractive. That left Anne free to rediscover her heterosexuality.

strangers on candy

While getting reacquainted with the joys of cock, Anne also developed an interest in automatic writing and a fondness for meth amphetamine. That lead to the most colourful period of her life. She apparently spent days getting high and writing out messages from her higher power. That gave her some thing to do since her dance card was empty. Dropping DeGeneres when the chips were down made it clear what she was about. Since she’d left so many pissed on off people in her wake no one was volunteering to open more doors for her.

filling free time with drugs & gibberish

So, as some celebs do with extra free time to fill, she continued working on herself. Basically she was taking more drugs and writing more gibberish. She discovered, by way of the powerful meth auto writing combo that she was a space alien named Celestia and on a secret mission to bring love to Planet Earth. When the cops finally caught up with her she was wandering around a field naked as a jay bird and waiting for the mother ship to beam her up. Public nudity in the cause of a better world seldom works out (unless the audience is on acid - otherwise they don’t get it). Giving her the benefit of the doubt maybe she was trying to find her way back to Another World. At least things stopped before Heche went to far and discovered the kaballah. It was a great day to be Ellen DeGeneres though.

North. To Alaska

Since then it’s been touch and go for Heche. She married a camera man named Cody Lafoon, and had a son named Homer. Homer would soon be the object of a bitter custody battle as Heche and Lafoon went their separate ways. Heche also had a brief TV series called Men In Trees. It was set in Alaska, now known as Sarahland; and it didn’t work out. Things did work out better for Ellen. With Heche out of the way DeGeneres got her mojo back. She also got back on TV. Right now she’s about the biggest deal on daytime TV. With Oprah Winfrey looking about for new worlds to conquer that makes Heche girl most likely to fill the void.

time to adjust your set

Things sure did improve with Anne out of the picture. Hopefully Ellen can chalk the whole sad business up to experience, learn from it, and move on. I’m not saying that Heche is toxic. That’s for readers to infer; and let’s face it, it would be a hard inference to avoid. It just seems like a strange coincidence that things go sour when ever she’s involved. Maybe if she can work on the allegedly toxicity, then she could one day find her way back to an entertainment medium. She might just be trashy enough for reality TV!

Princess Diana police facing possible arrest

Image via WikipediaRemember when Princess Diana said that Prince Charles was gonna have her bumped off? No one paid too much attention at the time. That's just what people going through a bad divorce say. Still Diana was pretty insistent that something bad was gonna happen to her. She told a number of people - including her butler, made a number of semi public statements about it, and even put it in writing several times. Diana said that she would be gotten rid of possibly through some kindof car accident. When she actually died by in a car accident, while vacationing in Paris with fiancee Dodi el Fayd, it seemed like one hell of a coincidence.

secrets in safe keeping

It was even more of a coincidence that a few weeks after her death, Lady Diana's lawyer Lord Mishcon handed Scotland Yard chief Lord Condon a note in which Diana predicted her death by auto accident. The highly-respected lawyer’s document records the line: “Efforts would be made if not to get rid of her (be it by some accident in her car, such as a pre-prepared brake failure or whatever)...at least to see that she was so injured or damaged as to be declared unbalanced.” That note took some time to get to light. That's partly because it spent at least three years locked in Condon's office safe. I say that it spent at least three years in Condon's safe because the safe was only Condon's for three years. After he stepped down Lord Stevens took over the office and the safe. The note stayed on as a long term resident of the office strong box.

hi balls & chasers

This is where things get sticky. There were separate Diana Inquiries in both France and Britian. The British one clued up by concluding that it was a damned shame that Princess Diana allowed herself to be chauffeured around by a drunk, pill popping, mentally unstable Frenchman. The drunk unstable Frenchman would have been Henri Paul, who was taking medications for depression and was allegedly drunk on the night of the crash. Some reports had him 5 to 10 drinks under the weather and not up to a high speed chase with the paparazzi. Add those crazy French drivers into the equation and it was a recipe for disaster.

those French sure do things different

Not surprisingly the French see things a little differently. The current head of the French inquiry - Judge Gerard Caddeo, is concerned about the 'murder note'. Specifically he wants to know why something relevant to the investigation, and possible evidence of foul play, had been kept under wraps for so long. To that end he'd like to have a little chat with the particulars Lord Condon and Lord Stevens; those two fine English gentleman who kept Diana's death memo in the office safe for so long. In fact he'd even like them to take a little jaunt across the channel so that he can ask them some simple question while they enjoy some French hospitality.

French fields

Now neither of these fine and illustrious gentlemen seem to have any plans for a French vacation anytime soon. Lord Condon said only the other day, in regards to the issue, that “I have not been asked to go to Paris,” he said. “There was discussion of all these things at the inquest and if there is anything else, you will have to speak to the legal affairs department at Scotland Yard. This is not the time or place for this.”

noblesse oblige, or something like that

Meanwhile Judge Caddeo has been in contact with Sylvie Petit-Leclair - a French Judge attached to the French Embassy in London. Petit-Leclair specializes in cross channel legal issues. Judge Caddeo has also been in contact with the Home Office - busy fellow - demanding their help in getting interviews with the rogue gentlemen. Now these letters aren't freindly "how do you dos" but ‘International Letters Rogatory’. Those are formal requests, and they name Condon and David as suspects. Caddeo especially wants to speak to Condon, to ask him why a note reporting that the Princess had been “informed by sources worthy of her trust” that an attempt was being made to “eliminate her in an orchestrated automobile accident” was withheld from French investigators by the British Embassy & Scotland Yard. So the Diana issue is heating up!

For more on the story go to Express.co.uk

Wonderlust

“Your Body Is a Wonderland”

Love is a many splendored thing. unless it's trashy trashy tabloid love! Then it's something familiar & something peculiar. At least if you're reigning romcom queen Jennifer Aniston. You'll probably remember, unless you've stopped paying attention, that Jennypooh used to date slightly douchey singer John Mayer. They had some sort of push me pull you thing going on where Mayer acted too cool to care on the basis that he was younger than her. Then she swept him off of his feet by taking him to the Oscars. Once her realized just how big a deal she was, after she showed him that there was more to life than the music industry, he kinda feel head over heels. He was very impressed anyway. That was about the point at which Jen cut him loose.

our lady of perpetual rebound

Jen's been busy since then: she dated Gerrard Butler and broke up with Courtney Cox. Now she's seeing her latest co star Justin Ther­oux. Guess how long that relationship is gonna last. Mayer is hoping not long because he's started poestering Jen and trying to get him to take her back. Now Jen isn't having any part of it. For one thing she or sources close to her (Chelsea Handler or vodka talking?) are saying that Mayer broke Aniston's heart (That piece of equipment must have more dents in it by now than New York Yellow Cab!) and Aniston is miffed that he's apparently unphased about it.

sexy text me

In fact those unnamed sources are saying that Mayer has no chance with Aniston. She's happy where she is. This hasn't deterred Mayer any. He's trying to win Jen back with a barraged of voice mails and text messages. Now the great disadvantage of that method, as opposed to chocolates and flowers, is that it's so much more annoying. It does have an up side. If prying tabloid snoops are eavesdropping then Mayer could find himself back in the news after a long absence! Had he tried this tactic 6 months ago he might have even found himself in the News of the World. In love, like comedy, timing is everything. Better luck next time, Johnny.

Now here are a few scenes from that Wonder Woman series David Kelley was trying to get up and running.

Adrianne Palicki sure could kick ass! Now remember - Wonder Woman isn't vulgar! Wondertrash can always be counted on for your daily dose of vulgarity!

Brooke Mueller gets Xtreme

Brooke Mueller is the ex wife of Charlie Sheen. They divorced just shortly befo9re he went nuts and started seeing goddesses. To be clear "goddesses" was what he called his porn actress companions - not that he was seeing hallucinations or anything. For while there some people had there doubts. Anyhow Brooke was the most recent ex Mrs. Sheen at that time.

She and Charlie had a tumultuous relationship. Though his relationship with Denise Richards was inspirational, according to Richards her self in an upcoming memoir, the Mueller deal involved arrests, tabloid headlines, and a Christmas Day Knife Fight. It was the knife fight that caught people's attention and made us realize that Charlie and Brooke had some relationshit relationship issues beyond the standard marriage counseling thing.

Now everyone knew that Charles had some issues. That's because Denise Richards told everyone about it ad nausea back when she was divorcing him, and trying to get every nickel that she could out of him in the settlement. That was back before their relationship was inspirational. In fact in those days she needed everyone to know just how bad he was so they would sympathize with her, and support her, and so she could get the largest settlement possible. Not everyone sympathized. A judge laughed her out of his office after she called some kind of emergency hearing regarding her kids. Then Denise went on to bust up Heather Locklear's marriage and drive the poor woman into an alcoholic relapse. What are friends for? Well the main thing is that somewhere through that whole mess the thing got inspirational - which is kind of inspirational in it's self!

What Denise didn't tell us, because she couldn't - she was busy wrecking other lives; is that Brooke had some heavy issues too. For one thing she liked drugs. Hard stuff like crack and meth, in addition to the prescribed marijuana that she takes for her anxiety (Brooke seems more like the type to give anxiety than to get it). In fact there were some nasty rumours making the rounds that she had to go to rehab for coke even while preggers with her twins by Charlie! She also had to make another return to rehab back during Charlie's freak out. That's when she tried to take thee twins away based on the idea that a crack head is less unfit than a couple of porn actresses. Brooke had some kind of relapse or something during that period and so her parents stepped in. Oh yeah and she was recently spotted with a make shift crack pipe - but Brooke swears she was just holding it for Tatum O Neal. Actually she claims it's for her legally prescribed and anxiety related marijuana.

So it's safe to say that Brooke has some chemical dependency problems, allegedly. With that in mind, and probably to prove that she's a minimally fit parent and keep her seat on the Charlie Sheen Gravy Train, Brooke has entered rehab once again. This ain't some Dr. Drew deal either, but a real serious type get clean facility. For one thing it's down in Mexico. That's where you go when you want results in things like such as stem cell therapy or black market.

This one, located in sunny Cancun, offers something a little special. The clinic specializes in Ibogaine. That's made from the African iboga plant, used in shamanic initiation rituals. The drug si so effective that it's go ten people off of heroin with out withdrawal. There's a pretty low relapse rate too. Not only does it clear up heroin addiction, but other addictions as well, and even "addictive behaviors". This is reputably because the drug has the power to resolve inner neurotic conflicts and free people from neurotic behavior patterns. So naturally it's banned in America. Having sane sensible people wandering around in their right mind is so bad for business.



Anyway if the drug works we could see a brand new Brooke on our hands. Not that she could morph into some kind of Buddha or anything - but it would be nice to hope.As a sane enlightened woman she'll have about as much business in Hollywood as Joaquin Pheonix. However it might make her a little more goddess-like. She might even become a worthy partner for a warlock. So here's wishing her luck on her little rehab shamanic drug initiation ritual! Should things turn out as usual for Brooke, we can look forward to even more colorful mugshots.

BTW The Murdoch scandal is heating up. You'll recall that The News of the World got shut down after deleting some e mails from a murdered girl's cellphone. Some sleazy tabloid types hacked into the then missing girl's phone looking for a story. Since her mail box was filled up the deleted some stuff hoping that fresh stuff would come in. That was basically destroying evidence. As the authorities began rooting around the Newscorp empire they discovered that hacking was a pretty routine way of getting scoops. Even the likes of Jude Law, Hugh Grant, and possibly even Prince William had got hacked.

@BBCWorld BBC Global News

Rebekah Brooks: Sienna Miller #hacking was 'first time senior management saw documentary evidence' of hacking relating to a current employee

3 minutes ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply

So the News got shut down and 200 people laid off. Eventually even the head of the News, Rebekah - what's her name - Brooks, had to resign. She was the Marie Antoinette of the piece so everyone was glad enough for her to go and eat cake. Speaking of just desserts the big man himself had to answer some questions today, and that brought out then screwball comedy in one avenging clown of justice armed with a cream pie - here's the video on that!

"Ladies & gentlemen do not be alarmed. An angry crank with a pie has entered the room!"

Lunapic Photo Editing

Brangelina Getting Married?

Remember how Brad Pitt said that he and Angelina Jolie wouldn't get married until everyone of every sexual orientation were free to love int he bridled constraints of matrimony - or words to that effect. Well it sounds like he should of held out for world peace because recently rumbling from Casa de Mirabel - that's the gaudy place they bought over in France to irritate Johnny Depp - have the pair planning on pairing officially!

The wedding is set to take place at Mirabel in 3 or 4 months, according to US Magazine. I'm not sure how they can know this since they're not The News of The World or anything. It's just so hard to get really reliable information these days without good Internet hacking and the odd wiretap. You just have to go by what the stars tell you and they might say anything.

Anyway the mutters coming out of Mirabel have a wedding on the horizon. It's planned as a "intimate and informal" affair. It's also planned to cost about a million bucks or more. If you want intimate and informal you've got to pay top dollar for it, that's just the way it is. If you write a blog it's easier to get 'intimate and informal' with the use of quotation marks. Then again we humble internet bloggers aren't supernova caliber celebrimaniacs, and don't have that kind of style.

So what got into the Toothsome Twosome to get them to do the big about face on the while marriage deal? Will & Kate did just recently tie the knot. That was the wedding of the century, and bravely pulled off without benefit of a prenuptial. I hope that Wills at least had the good sense to use protection before the marriage! Anyhow the Royal Nuptials are a kind of standard you can use to gauge you're own relative importance, based on how much attention your own wedding getting in comparison. Of course you can't expect to get a Will & Kate level of global interest, not even if you're a jumped up movie star with capped teeth and cheek implants. You can still hope though. Since the world has been waiting umpteen years now to see whether or not Brad and Angie would marry, split up, or just kill each other - the suspense is bound to give this the little extra push on the public interest scale.

The some extra incentive too, and those are Brangie's little dividends. "The kids ask about marriage," Pitt told USA Today in May of Maddox, 9, Pax, 7, Zahara, 6, Shiloh, 5, and twins Vivienne and Knox, 3. "It's meaning more and more to them." Now God knows people don't organize their lives around their kids. Not these days any way - unless you're Octomom or something and you've got big money plans hanging on them. However Brangie's kids aren't ordinary kids. For one thing they've been helping support the power couple for almost ten years now. Basically every time Angie adopted or had a date with the turkey baster (her bio kids were artificially inseminated) she booked the cover of People Mag for about 15 to 20 million. That's what she got paid for exclusive rights for the pix. It's also what she used to get paid per film back in the days when she could sell a film. So having a lucrative sideline as an eccentric celebrity breeder came in handy. It also gives the kids a stake in this whole flaky relationship.

So I'm sure that Brad and Angie, being the edgy and unconventional types they are, took their kids wishes very seriously. Well except for "the blob". There's also good news for you - the celebrity following public - in this. Since Angie is bound to pimp out the intimate and informal affair to People (and now's the time as the public is going through royal wedding withdrawal - this Brangie wingding can ride that slipstream the way Desperate Housewives did with Sex & the City!) for the usual exclusive rights top dollar deal you'll get to be there in spirit if not on the RSVP, and for only the cost of a single issue! I wonder how much more they could get with Jennifer Anstion on the guest list?

Emmy Noms

from videogum

Best Series, Drama
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Game Of Thrones
The Good Wife
Mad Men

Best Series, Comedy
Big Bang Theory
Glee
Modern Family
The Office
Parks and Recreation
30 Rock

Best Actor, Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
Timothy Olyphant, Justified

Best Actress, Drama
Elizabeth Moss, Mad Men
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Mariska Hargitay, Law and Order: SVU
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Kathy Bates, Harry’s Law

Best Actor, Comedy
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, Big Bang Theory
Steve Carell, The Office
Johnny Galecki, Big Bang Theory
Louis C.K., Louie
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Best Actress, Comedy
Laura Linney, The Big C
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Melissa McCarthy, Mike and Molly
Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Best Supporting Actor, Drama Series
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age
Walton Goggins, Justified
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

Best Supporting Actress, Drama Series
Kelly MacDonald, Boardwalk Empire
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Michelle Forbes, The Killing
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Margo Martindale, Justified
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy Series
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy Series
Jane Lynch, Glee
Betty White, Hot in Cleveland
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Lead Actress, Miniseries Or Movie
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Elizabeth McGovern, Grantham
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Taraji P. Henson, Take It From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story

Lead Actor, Miniseries Or Movie
Greg Kinnear, The Kennedys
Barry Pepper, The Kennedys
Edgar Ramirez, Carlos
William Hurt, Too Big to Fail
Idris Elba, Luther
Laurence Fishburne, Thurgood

Supporting Actor, Miniseries Or Movie
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Brian F. O’Byrne, Mildred Pierce
Tom Wilkinson, The Kennedys
Paul Giamatti, Too Big to Fail
James Woods, Too Big to Fail

Supporting Actress, Miniseries Or Movie
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce
Melissa Leo, Mildred Pierce
Mare Winningham, Mildred Pierce
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Eileen Atkins, Upstairs Downstairs (Masterpiece)

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Saturday Night Live
Conan
Real Time With Bill Maher
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Outstanding Reality Program
Hoarders
Antiques Roadshow
Deadliest Catch
Myth Busters
Undercover Boss
Kathy Griffen: My Life on the D List

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program
So You Think You Can Dance
The Amazing Race
Project Runway
American Idol
Dancing With the Stars
Top Chef

Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program
Jeff Probst, Survivor
Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race
Tom Bergeron , Dancing With the Stars
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol

Curious George & Dimpled Chad

the President is still allegedly American

conspiracy theories and the “other” Mrs. Obama

President Barack Obama has been getting some grief from conspiracy theorists since he was elected. The most notable theory but by no means the only one is that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and so is ineligible to be President based on not being native born. It’s not the only one. Other theories say that Obama is a Muslim, and atheist, a socialist, and a Vulcan from Krypton. One theory even purports that Obama is not actually black - but an attractive white woman who began impersonating a black man when she first decided to position herself for the presidency. The idea was that since Hillary Clinton had the chick vote sown up, an another angle was needed. While that is an intriguing theory, I think that it was probably dreamed up by someone who watched White Chicks too often while stoned.

A good offensive defense

The sad thing is that the President, if I may call her that, has felt the need to start addressing this issues; which by her own words are unworthy of comment. Barack Obama, with Michelle at his side, appeared on Oprah a little while ago to assure the American People that he is in fact an American, and that Donald Trump was no better than reality TV’s version of a carnival barker. Though Donald was much gratified by the mention.

I can’t tell the difference - these faked alien birth certificates are just as good as our real earth ones!

Though Oprah never once doubted him, I guess he felt that others needed reassurance. Not everyone is a graduate in The Course in Miracles, like Oprah; so their faith might need support. Just like the Apostles on the Sea of Galilee. To that end Obama also produced evidence of himself - not in the form of bread and fishes, but in the form of a Hawaiian birth certificate dated Aug 5 1961. Not that any one believed it. It was quickly picked apart on the Internet where some of the more committed among the lunatic fringe quickly analysed it for evidence of improper extra terrestrial tamper. Of course the birth Certificate came out clean. Since the aliens are years ahead of the human race technologically (they only lag behind us in bloody mindedness, which built this planet; and along with our atmosphere is our best defence against space invaders) this doesn’t prove anything. Maybe we just aren’t advanced enough to detect the signs of their technological interference in much the way that we’re still trying to decipher the hidden meaning of crop circles using the Enigma Code, with pi as a key (Steven Spielberg did suggest that they use music as a possible basis for decoding “Just like my ET!”, but the scientific community didn’t take him too seriously. The idea would’ve had more credibility coming from former physicist James Avatar Cameron).

Coming Soon

The probably with going on the defensive that way is that you never know when to stop until you’ve past the point of no return. In public figures that can be bad. Tom Cruise was off the couch and on the way home without realizing the damage he’d done to his image on Oprah (Some one should’ve got the President to watch that episode when he decided that appearing on Oprah would clear things up). First Obama’s showing his birth certificate, next he’s peeing in a cup on Livestream - like Charlie Sheen. What would come next? Perhaps some lively Sheen’s Korner type channel on youtube, featuring the President directly addressing the American People with frequent updates on his personal life. Since his personal life is no where near as colourful as Charlie’s he should skip that. The closest thing he has to a goddess is wife Michelle and she’s been camera shy ever since she got shit for touching the Queen. “Come here and say ‘hi’ Michelle.” “Barry no.” “Oh go, on we’re on youtube!” Of course if the Pres starts addressing the Vulcan Muslim atheist issue, or pulling down his pants to prove that he is in fact a man then we’ll know that he’s gone too far; though become way more interesting!

The Nobel Award for outstanding motion picture achievement in sanctimonious high mindedness!

In this one thing at least Obama would’ve done well to have taken a page from the Book of Bush. If you’ll recall Bush was never supposed to be President either - but you didn’t hear him defending himself. He was never supposed to be pres because he stole the election - allegedly. It happened down in the state of Florida where George stole about 300 votes from Al Gore (the democratic Party’s Dan Quayle and way too interested in rain forest frogs to be relevant to tax payers, though the Motion Picture Academy and the Nobel Prize Committee liked him well enough - give those two esteemed bodies something in common!), and he did it with the help of some one called Dimpled Chad.

the Ballad of Dimpled Chad

Now I’m not sure who Dimpled Chad is, but I gather that he’s a kind of gay G Gordon Liddy. His secret identity as a gay adult film star made him a highly valuable CIA asset (like John Erik Hexum on Cover Up!). It may have been in his capacity as a spy, and not as a gay porn star, that he first got in touch with the Bush clan. Although there are those who say that he first ran into Bush family members at Bohemian Grove, during one of that club’s “no girls allowed” annual naked wing dings. The Bush Family quickly found him handy for dirty work of various kinds, and Dimpled Chad found himself on the way up in the world. However after the Florida Election Caper he found himself in too compromising a position. As daytime talk show hosts clamoured to get a piece of him, he disappeared into obscurity before he had fully emerged from it.

Bush whacked!

No one is quite sure what ever happened to Dimpled Chad. Some say that he had become too dangerous. George had him whisked away to CIA HQ for some Stan Smith American Dad style brainwashing/reprogramming. That didn’t work out and Chad had to be hospitalized long term after cracking up and starting to go “Andrew Cunanin”. Others say that George had him sold to Indonesia organized crime, as a horse collared gay sex slave. Others say that he was reprogrammed with top secret technology and is now a straight Mormon elder with no recollection of his previous life (except for that brief flicker he gets every time some well established Mormon says he’s seen him some where before, “on TV or something right?”). Still others say that Bush just had him whacked!

Deep dimpled cover

Now I’ve heard that the actual story is that Bush didn’t have him whacked - for old times sake. Though it would’ve been safer to whack him Bush retained a soft spot for the sexy young man who helped him rig an election and become both the most powerful & the most dangerous man on planet earth! Besides, sine Chad was instrumental in setting in motion a course of events that lead to the execution of Saddam Hussein, or at least a buck toothed imposture in the place of Hussein, the world owned Chad. So he had him spirited out of the country. No one is sure where Chad went. Some say South America, while others swear he’s on the Mediterranean. The stories do agree that he’s kept in grand style. George set him up with a Villa and a checking account courtesy of the American Taxpayer (and there by finding more worthwhile usages for the funds than saving rain forest frogs!).

A loose lipped old dumpling

Chad has been warned to keep his mouth shut about who he is and what he knows. If he talks too much then he could wind up as an anonymous gay male Marilyn Munroe! Since all he’s material needs are more than adequately met there’s really no reason for him to show his face. As long as he’s smart he can go on living like gay royalty! Yet having started life as a young up and comer Chad can’t help letting the story slip from time to time. That’s allegedly how the rumour has started coming to light. Chad knows he shouldn’t repeat this stuff but he likes the attention! Attention is harder to come by these days too, now that he’s been sequester from the rest of the world, and made so fat and complacent that he’s more Dumpy Chad than dimpled. The loose talk could be embarrassing, but even when it does get back to Big George, he refuses to do anything about it, except cut him another check. So the moral of the story is that if George W can overlook all that, then Barack Obama really shouldn’t feel any need to defend himself on the birth certificate issue, let alone the whole transvestite communist Vulcan Muslim thing! Although if he wants to it would make for some fantastic gossip!

Megan Fox is still fresh as a daisy!

Foxy Lady

Image via WikipediaMegan Fox is still fresh as a daisy. That's a hard trick to pull off in the dog eat dog work of Hollywood. Even more so when you've had the kind of dog days Meggers has had recently. She got booted off of the lucrative Transformers franchise after she allegedly pissed off Spielberg by comparing Michael Bay to Hitler. Spielberg is Jewish and won an Oscar for Schindler's List so Hitler is apparently some kind of a sore spot for him. According to Bay when Stevo heard the comments he went bat shit, called him up, and told him in no uncertain terms to "get rid of her". At least Megan didn't complicate matters by going on to call Spielberg Hitler, or even Idi Amin. So give her some credit for knowing when to stop and reign her mouth in.

That lead to some rough days for her. She quickly did some quick about turns in the way of damage control attempts. Whenever she appeared at awards shows, following the Hitler crack, she made sure that everyone knew how grateful and appreciative she was to have been cast in a film franchise she had previously derided as no great shakes - you know because cars got more lines than she did. Considering the trouble that mouth of hers got her into she should've been content to let the cars do the talking.

Image via Wikipedia

She also had a few hi profile bombs like Jennifer's Body and Jonah Hex. Jennifer's Body was the flick about the high school cheerleader who gets possessed by a demon because she wasn't a virgin. I can't imagine that was the sort of pro abstinence message that film maker Diablo Cody wanted to send out. Still it might have done Bristol Palin some good to have seen it before she and Levi Johnson got acquainted over wine coolers.

Image via Wikipedia

The thing is that Cody is a respected writer and director. So she wasn't going to get blamed any more than Clint Eastwood was gonna get blamed for the Changeling's lackluster box office performance. Angelina Jolie had to hold the shit bag for that. especially after Angelina's next outings, like Salt and even worse, The Tourist, crashed and burned. Salt did decent at the BO, but the Tourist was a career ender. Jolie got got nominated for best actress in a comedy at the SAGs for her Tourist work, which wasn't a comedy. So it was Hollywood's way of giving her a backhanded slap right across those big lips of hers. The fact that her co star was Johnny Depp made her failure stink even worse. Johnny was on a role after Pirates of the Caribbean - now set for more lucrative sequels than Rocky! - so he wasn't to blame. Since Jolie was the common denominator she got the Box Office Poison label, and had to go off and make more tabloid headlines with the help of Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston (Pitt & Aniston really can sell anything!). fox was touted as the next Jolie and so paralleled the failure pattern with Jonah Hex - one of the few comic based flicks to bomb (Even Ghost Rider was a hit!). So she started getting a Poison rep by way of being a common denominator.

So that had people saying that Meggers was washed up. That is when they were talking about her. A lot of the time they weren't. That was odd since between Transformers 1 and Transformers 2 she was the most talked about woman on the planet. She had a media pull like Oprah, Hillary Clinton, and Princess Diana combined. Only Paris Hilton on a tear could stand up to her! Even then Paris would probably have to get arrested or something to edge Meggers off of the tabloid front pages.

The Fox Effect got so bad that if some nerd hiding out in their parents' garage did a photo shop of Megan as Wonder Woman, and posted it accompanied by a rumour that Fox would being playing the Amazon in an upcoming movie, the hoax got enough momentum, to overload the Internet. Incidentally Meggers had to officially deny that rumour by calling Wonder Woman a lame character she would've touch with a 10 foot Lasso of Truth. People - mostly fanboys - got offended by a starlet who's movie work consisted mostly of dialogue with magical cars calling the Invisible Jet lame. Meanwhile even the Internee was rebelling against the Fox Effect and some kind of Boycott movement was organized, which of course didn't work.

After her dual bombs when people did actually talk about Fox it was along "whatever happened to her?" lines. Also there were the rumours. News out of the Thirty Mile Zone had Fox and her significant other Brian Austin Green - currently Mr Fox - running around dirty and disheveled, like Joaquin Phoenix off his medications. People were saying that they smelled bad and fought worse. The fighting was so bad the the cops were called in by neighbors several time to split the couple up.

When those kind of rumours start circulating then the usual conclusion is drug use. Some were even saying that's why Meggers got canned off of the Transformers gravy train. The whole drug angle seemed supported by Meggers deteriorating appearance. Photos at the time had her looking rough - like Lindsay Lohan coming off of a ten day bender. Since Fox had been the hottest young actress in Hollywood only months previously that had alert observers asking "WTF happened to her?" Plastic surgery was the general opinion. She was starting to look artificial by way off larger than usual lips, even less expressive eyes, and facial muscles so slack that Megan's face was looking like it had been shot full of Novocaine fresh from a trip to the dentist.

That presented a problem for Fair Megan. Since her face is her fortune - even more than her talent & personality! - she could afford to have her prime asset devalued by a lot of loose public talk. If people started saying that her looks weren't real then who knows what they might say next! They might even question whether she's really a woman - well the might if Megan herself hadn't already declared she was a tranny. Since she then went on to say that she was also Alan Alda people dismissed the statement as an attempt at making some kind of point. Probably the "Don't hate cause I'm beautiful" thing that makes life so awkward for the outrageously gorgeous.

If Meggers is seen as some kind of jacked up tranny on sex hormones sold to the American movie going public as a false bill of goods, her career could be in even more trouble than if she got photographed in the company of Mel Gibson & throwing darts at a picture Spielberg! So naturally she had to nip that kind of libelous talk right in the bud. This she did and only recently by talking to - you guessed it - Facebook, and posting some nifty pix of herself. Those pix got posted over @ Social Lite, right along with their ARod cheatin' on Cameron Diaz story (What did Cammy expect from some one jacked up on sex hormones?). Since the SL link has been posted, and I really don't care who I rip off, here are those nifty pix posted for your convience and view pleasure. Knock yourself out fanboys, just don't kock too hard!

Those were posted under the title "Things You Can't Do If You've had Botox". To give Fox credit that's more expression than Angelina Jolie has shown in her past 3 films, Nicole Kidoman his shown since the 1990's, or Scarlet Johansson has shown ever in her career! She's also showing that natural like beauty that one American men aged 18 to 49 over en masse! So Meggers has once again disproved the doubters by putting her best face forward. Now she only has to address those persistent tranny rumours - look out for the sex tape comin' soon!