More Wondertrash Coming Soon

Feeling like Lindsay Lohan at Happy Hour!

Currently on a bender - more posts coming in the not too distant future, hopefully.

Dick gets pissy

Rogue Dick

When you take to gossip blogging there are some people you can't do with out. Like Andy Dick. On a slow news day he can be like 10 Lindsay Lohans on meth! You'll be sitting at your word processor all dejected and at a loss about what to write when suddenly you'll blunder across some Andy Dick story complete with outrageous conduct. Maybe he'll have groped a show girl, or scored coke in a bar parking lot and then split it with his date/paid escort. This time Andy pee'd in public! He did a lot more than pee, actually; and set a whole new level for celebrity out rage mania.

He makes Charlie Sheen look like a droopy eyed armless child

The scene of the crime was down in Newport Beach. They have a little film festival down there. it's the kind of thing some towns do when they want to get on the entertainment map, attracted glitterati, and turn a fast buck. It's a good idea but they good folk of Newport Beach only made one mistake - they didn't read Wondertrash. If they had then they'd have known about their second mistake, and that was letting Andy Dick anywhere near the premises.

a dick you can't keep down!

Well like I say Dick did get in and when he did he made a fine spectacle of himself. Eyewitnesses and a festival co-founder saw an allegedly intoxicated Dick unzip his pants, expose himself, rub up against tables, enter a display booth, urinate on the backdrop (in the shape of a "Z" as in Zorro, I hear) and then pull it down and destroy it, reports RadarOnline, according to the Orange County Register. Sounds like the powers that be could've saved themselves much time and trouble if they'd just shipped Andy over to the middle east, as a kind of one man war on terror! This man dreams up mayhem like the illegitimate love child of Bruce Willis by Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Dick is cock of the walk at Newport Beach!

Naturally indecent exposure and public urination has lead to some ugly legal talk involving law suits. Not everyone has a taste for outrageous performance art ( and this guy might have Yoko Ono gasp for breath!). Seems that the Newport Beach people feel that Dick was more than a party pooper but was an expensive nuisance as well. So they want to make good on the deal by dragging him into court:

"Obviously, we need to recoup damages," said Todd Quartararo, festival co-founder and director of marketing. "It was a brand new booth that needs to be replaced. We are exploring legal options to recoup damages." Quartararo said Dick caused a couple thousand dollars worth of damage.

ticklish dickishness

Dick's been on a roll lately, since his most recent incident of dickishness was down in Texas. There he got in trouble for allegedly grinding his genitals on a man's head. Now that's a brave thing to do in Texas!

My personal choice for 2 1/2 Men!

Now let's take a look at a day in the life of Andy Dick! It's a day of blurry flashbacks and thinly disguised remorse.

Britney gets her head read

Britney Spears might be getting her head read. Now some would say that's way over due. Britney has been out on a limb ever since she shaved her head and went completely nuts. You'll probably remember those heady days because she was a constant topic of conversation on late night monologues and in tabloid newspapers. It ended with falling under the control of Sam Lutfi - her personal Osama Bin Laden - and getting carted off on a stretcher to the local nut house.

It also added the catchy phrase 5150 hold to the vernacular. %150 hold is an order committing some one to a psych ward against their will cause they've gone bat shit, and before long we'd be hearing it in relation to other young stars like Mischa Barton; while it continued to hang ominously over the head of Lindsay Lohan for years! When the dust cleared Britney's career was in tatters, she was missing about 40 mill allegedly embezzled by Mr Lutfi, and Lutfi himself was in hiding and dodging a subpoena from spears' family lawyers. Oh yeah and Britney was under conservatorship. That means she was too fucked up to handle her own affairs.

Conservatorship worked out for Britney. It put her father James Parnell Spears in charge of everything. That meant Lutfi and his sleazy ways were a thing of the past. So Britney could concentrate on her music and her health. There were several come backs; the accumulative effect of which was a career revival. Spears may not have been her old self again, but she was on the charts and was a show biz force to be reckoned with again. Not that had to be too good to last.

Just as the Good Ship Britney seemed to be back on course some bad news popped out from the past like an ice berg menacing the Titanic. That bad news came in the form of the aforementioned Sam Lutfi. Seems like he's locked in some sort of a law suit against The Family Spears, and against Brit's Mom Lynn in particular. Lynn wrote a biography and covered Britney awkward stage. Lynn went on to alleged that Lutfi drugged spears, poisoned her mind, cut her off from family and friends, and then squandered the poor befuddled girl's money and ruined her career! All that's pretty well documented in the tabs, but Lutdi still takes exception to having his reputation besmirched. So he's hauled Lynn into court.

Naturally Lutfi says that all this is untrue. Furthermore he says that Britney was a mess before he got any where near her. Call that the "It was like that when I got here" defense. To that end he's hired his very own professional expert UCLA Assistant Professor of Psychiatry Joshua Pretsky to back him up. He also wants Spears to take the stand too. Now her kin folk are agin' it. For one thing they don't like her havin' any truck with that thar Lutfi fella. Fer another they thing the poor gal is just too dang sick and confused to go doin' any testifyin' in a court o' law. So they want Brit excused from a witness call on the grounds of her delicate health and mental condition, for which she still requires an on going conservatorship.

There's just one problem. Britney did a recent interview with Ryan Seacrest (who needs to line up new work now that Simon Cowell is off of American Idol). Pretsky watched the interview and according to him:

"In the Ryan Seacrest interview, which was recorded approximately two months ago, Britney Spears is interviewed at length, and she responds logically and coherently to questions, evidencing logical thinking and mental competency. The edited interviews in the [MTV] video documentary also evidence coherent and logical thinking, responsiveness to questions, and mental competence ... In my opinion, there is good cause to conduct an Independent Medical Examination to investigate the Conservators' claim that Ms. Spears is not mentally capable of testifying, and the claim that she was not mentally competent to enter into a binding contract. ..."

So there we are: her kin folk claim she's too sick and confused to speak out on her own behalf, while the crooks want to hear it from her! Meanwhile the out come of a nasty libel case hangs in the balance. That means there's own one way to resolve it. Britney's got to go to an independent court appointed shrink to find out if she's fit and qualified to speak up for her self, and whether the strain of doing that might send her into another down ward spiral of pink wigs and Starbucks runs that will make Charlie Sheen look like a droopy eyed armless memory. To that end a motion was filed past Monday at Los Angeles Superior Court, asking a judge to order Ms Britney to get herself assessed. Brit's date with the doctor will depend on the judge's ruling. The judge's ruling will depend on whether or not some more urgent celebrity mayhem develops; like another occurrence of Lindsay Lohan, or whether Mel & Oksany decide to have at one 'nother gain! Stay Tuned!!

Oksie midnight runner!

Oksana Grigorieva was a troublesome woman who caused all sorts of unnecessary anguish. Then she met Mel Gibson! Not that her life began with Gibson. She'd been around, and for a while. She'd been some sort of musician, though people who know her laugh at the claim to anything serious. She'd gotten knocked up by Timothy "The Spy Who Shagged Me" Dalton. She had a kid by him, named Alexander, and that kept her in walking around money for a few years. It didn't do much for Dalton since his career went into a death spiral after getting his dose of Grigorieva. There are somethings that even James Bond can't survive. Still it might be unfair to give Oksie too mucgh credit. Dalton's career was also undermined by his habit of walking around hot Hollywood eateries with his fly down and no underwear on!

she's silly putty purty!

Anyhow Momma's Little Dividend kept Oksie livin' the lifestyles of the rich and famous Hollywood style for a few years. That was convenient since she wasn't getting any younger and had to pay for the up keep on her face, which was how she made her living. So that left her living it up, getting silly putty injected into her head, and sizing up her next victim! For awhile that looked like record producer David Foster. She was staying in his guest house and putting a lot of pressure on the poor man's marriage when some one better came along in the form of Mel Gibson. So she latched onto him, but not before trashing Foster's marriage.

the poor man's rich girl, or vice versa

Part of what ruined Foster's marriage was that Oksany was knocked up in the family way with a child that might or might not have been Super Dave's. That takes infidelity beyond the level of keeping some stray Russian tramp in the pool house (which would be much more fun if the Russian in question was Milla Jovovich, and not some down market blow jobber who looks like she pay off her lips on the installment plan). Mrs Foster need not have jumped the gun since Oksany was busy reconsidered her child's paternity! She decided that the father might actually be Mel, and not the guy she'd been slutting it up win the pool house with for awhile. That might sound revisionist, but Oksany is a big believer in convenience - her own if not any one else's.

from Russia with love & C.O.D.!

So that lead to the explosion of Mel's marriage. Illegitimate kids by Russian sluts will do that. Mel insisted that he left his wife because they lacked common spiritual ground - and finding common ground with Mello these days might require a tinfoil hat - but since she was the one who filed you can use your imaginations. That left poor Mel showing off his new *ahem* prize in public, and in a serious of embarrassing music videos. Maybe they were mucus videos - who knows.

love or a cold war

The relationship seemed happy, if embarrassing, for awhile. Yet the course of true love never runs smooth. That's to say nothing about whatever Mel and Oksany shared. So soon enough things took one of those strange turns that characterize Mel's life lately. Some how the love birds turned on each other. Mel made a lot of bad remarks about Oksany publicly - like she was a drunken smutty pig. Or he would have if he hadn't thought that might be an insult to drunken smutty pigs.

love is never having to speak up for the tape recorder

He said a lot of other stuff too, and didn't mind who felt insulted by that. We know because Oksany had taken to taping their heated phone conversations. Perhaps it was out of sentiment, and a desire to preserve the memory of what they had after Braveheart had moved on. You know how soft heart money grubbing whores can be. She wasn't shy about sharing Mel's special feelings with the world either - & the tapes found their way onto TMZ, or Radaronline, on one of these trash sites (heh heh). When you a woman who's well and truly loved then you just want the whole world to know about it and envy you, so who can blame her!

hand puppet theater - sock it to me!

Now that didn't do Mel's career any good, not that there was anything left of it to worry about; beside that sock puppet film he had cooked up with Jodie Foster (who may or may not be related to David Foster, depending on how paranoid you are about nepotism in Hollywood). Since Mel was kind of hanging on by a shred of a thread he kind of took it personally. So the gloves were off and the lawyers were in on the act. Tempers boiled and rhetoric became inflammatory, while onlookers feared that the situation might go OJ if participants didn't watch their step, or if Mello got too liquored up and had a bad day. He did make those rose garden comments!

things come fool circle

Just when it seemed that the shit would hit the fan things calmed down. Part of this was because Oksany had to take it instead of just dishing it. Mel got some friends in the Malibu Police Dept - he's still got a few - to look into extortion charges and possible deportation. Exile from the land of opportunity seemed to put the fear of God into her godless commie soul. Plus she'd become part of the story and the paparazzi were hounding her in public. She was easier to get to than Mel, but her shit backfiring on her wasn't anything she'd planned on, and seemed to take some of the fun out of it for her. Meanwhile Mel had gone back to his wife Robin, and that seemed to be a stabilizing influence on him. So the only thing left was for the dust to settle.

The Tabloid Narc

That seemed to have happened. Some time last week the Enquirer, unless it was the Examiner, The Globe, or some other shit mag, reported that Mel and Oksany had been spotted out in public together walking calmly and talking softly without any broken teeth or enraged screaming. Perhaps the absence of a tape recorder helped to keep thing on the level. Anyway the tabloid narc, who knew Mel in some capacity, said that he looked at him with a 'what the fuck' expression on his face. Mel just nodded and looked back, unless he looked back first and then nodded. There may or may not have been a wink involved.

Mel less psychotic than usual

So while anyone who was still interested was busy asking "what the fuck is going on with Gibson" it comes out that Oksany has just dropped her domestic assault charges. Those charges stemmed from the tape recording period. Oksany claimed that an enraged and psychotic Mel had fucked up her face while out of his mind. She mentioned that again and again during the recordings. Most figured that it was a life time of bad plastic surgery that left her worse for wear, but that was a matter for the courts to decide.Or it was before Oksany dropped the charges.

hit me baby one more time

Now Oksany had been all worked up what with being abused and all. Apparently getting smacked in the gov, allegedly, by Gibson was some great matter of principle that everyone was required to support her on by backing her to the hilt like she was Rihanna or something. Once she actually sat down and thought about it, though, she seemed to feel more like Tila Tequila, as in "Let's put the whole Merriman mess behind us so I can get on with my career". Oksany doesn't pout it so cynically. She spins it a little more sympathetically, which is what you do if you want people to support you, or at least not try and take your head off for continuing to waste their time.

round 2?

Oksany version, which she gave to E via her lawyer through a "source" claims that Mrs. G dropped her case because she wanted to be free to contact Gibson in relation to their daughter Lucia. So she's basically putting the well being of her daughter first, and wasn't using the charges as leverage in a low down and dirty custody battle. That means the man that she swore on a stack was a danger to life and limb is now free to once again be an active participant in the life of both her and her daughter. So this is the part where something in her story just doesn't add up, like "were you shitting us then, or are you shitting us now?" Maybe she was shitting us all along. Maybe, like Jodie Foster and the movie going public, she's decided that Mel ain't so bad, only a bit misunderstood stood. It's a lady's prerogative to change her mind, but honesty ain't required.

Wonder Woman sez - "Don't be a victim!"

Lunapic Photo Editing

Oksana Grigorieva makes nice

Oksanity!

Oksana Grigorieva was a troublesome woman who caused all sorts of unnecessary anguish. Then she met Mel Gibson! Not that her life began with Gibson. She'd been around, and for a while. She'd been some sort of musician, though people who know her laugh at the claim to anything serious. She'd gotten knocked up by Timothy "The Spy Who Shagged Me" Dalton. She had a kid by him, named Alexander, and that kept her in walking around money for a few years. It didn't do much for Dalton since his career went into a death spiral after getting his dose of Grigorieva. There are somethings that even James Bond can't survive. Still it might be unfair to give Oksie too mucgh credit. Dalton's career was also undermined by his habit of walking around hot Hollywood eateries with his fly down and no underwear on!

she's silly putty purty!

Anyhow Momma's Little Dividend kept Oksie livin' the lifestyles of the rich and famous Hollywood style for a few years. That was convenient since she wasn't getting any younger and had to pay for the up keep on her face, which was how she made her living. So that left her living it up, getting silly putty injected into her head, and sizing up her next victim! For awhile that looked like record producer David Foster. She was staying in his guest house and putting a lot of pressure on the poor man's marriage when some one better came along in the form of Mel Gibson. So she latched onto him, but not before trashing Foster's marriage.

the poor man's rich girl, or vice versa

Part of what ruined Foster's marriage was that Oksany was knocked up in the family way with a child that might or might not have been Super Dave's. That takes infidelity beyond the level of keeping some stray Russian tramp in the pool house (which would be much more fun if the Russian in question was Milla Jovovich, and not some down market blow jobber who looks like she pay off her lips on the installment plan). Mrs Foster need not have jumped the gun since Oksany was busy reconsidered her child's paternity! She decided that the father might actually be Mel, and not the guy she'd been slutting it up win the pool house with for awhile. That might sound revisionist, but Oksany is a big believer in convenience - her own if not any one else's.

from Russia with love & C.O.D.!

So that lead to the explosion of Mel's marriage. Illegitimate kids by Russian sluts will do that. Mel insisted that he left his wife because they lacked common spiritual ground - and finding common ground with Mello these days might require a tinfoil hat - but since she was the one who filed you can use your imaginations. That left poor Mel showing off his new *ahem* prize in public, and in a serious of embarrassing music videos. Maybe they were mucus videos - who knows.

love or a cold war

The relationship seemed happy, if embarrassing, for awhile. Yet the course of true love never runs smooth. That's to say nothing about whatever Mel and Oksany shared. So soon enough things took one of those strange turns that characterize Mel's life lately. Some how the love birds turned on each other. Mel made a lot of bad remarks about Oksany publicly - like she was a drunken smutty pig. Or he would have if he hadn't thought that might be an insult to drunken smutty pigs.

love is never having to speak up for the tape recorder

He said a lot of other stuff too, and didn't mind who felt insulted by that. We know because Oksany had taken to taping their heated phone conversations. Perhaps it was out of sentiment, and a desire to preserve the memory of what they had after Braveheart had moved on. You know how soft heart money grubbing whores can be. She wasn't shy about sharing Mel's special feelings with the world either - & the tapes found their way onto TMZ, or Radaronline, on one of these trash sites (heh heh). When you a woman who's well and truly loved then you just want the whole world to know about it and envy you, so who can blame her!

hand puppet theater - sock it to me!

Now that didn't do Mel's career any good, not that there was anything left of it to worry about; beside that sock puppet film he had cooked up with Jodie Foster (who may or may not be related to David Foster, depending on how paranoid you are about nepotism in Hollywood). Since Mel was kind of hanging on by a shred of a thread he kind of took it personally. So the gloves were off and the lawyers were in on the act. Tempers boiled and rhetoric became inflammatory, while onlookers feared that the situation might go OJ if participants didn't watch their step, or if Mello got too liquored up and had a bad day. He did make those rose garden comments!

things come fool circle

Just when it seemed that the shit would hit the fan things calmed down. Part of this was because Oksany had to take it instead of just dishing it. Mel got some friends in the Malibu Police Dept - he's still got a few - to look into extortion charges and possible deportation. Exile from the land of opportunity seemed to put the fear of God into her godless commie soul. Plus she'd become part of the story and the paparazzi were hounding her in public. She was easier to get to than Mel, but her shit backfiring on her wasn't anything she'd planned on, and seemed to take some of the fun out of it for her. Meanwhile Mel had gone back to his wife Robin, and that seemed to be a stabilizing influence on him. So the only thing left was for the dust to settle.

The Tabloid Narc

That seemed to have happened. Some time last week the Enquirer, unless it was the Examiner, The Globe, or some other shit mag, reported that Mel and Oksany had been spotted out in public together walking calmly and talking softly without any broken teeth or enraged screaming. Perhaps the absence of a tape recorder helped to keep thing on the level. Anyway the tabloid narc, who knew Mel in some capacity, said that he looked at him with a 'what the fuck' expression on his face. Mel just nodded and looked back, unless he looked back first and then nodded. There may or may not have been a wink involved.

Mel less psychotic than usual

So while anyone who was still interested was busy asking "what the fuck is going on with Gibson" it comes out that Oksany has just dropped her domestic assault charges. Those charges stemmed from the tape recording period. Oksany claimed that an enraged and psychotic Mel had fucked up her face while out of his mind. She mentioned that again and again during the recordings. Most figured that it was a life time of bad plastic surgery that left her worse for wear, but that was a matter for the courts to decide.Or it was before Oksany dropped the charges.

hit me baby one more time

Now Oksany had been all worked up what with being abused and all. Apparently getting smacked in the gov, allegedly, by Gibson was some great matter of principle that everyone was required to support her on by backing her to the hilt like she was Rihanna or something. Once she actually sat down and thought about it, though, she seemed to feel more like Tila Tequila, as in "Let's put the whole Merriman mess behind us so I can get on with my career". Oksany doesn't pout it so cynically. She spins it a little more sympathetically, which is what you do if you want people to support you, or at least not try and take your head off for continuing to waste their time.

round 2?

Oksany version, which she gave to E via her lawyer through a "source" claims that Mrs. G dropped her case because she wanted to be free to contact Gibson in relation to their daughter Lucia. So she's basically putting the well being of her daughter first, and wasn't using the charges as leverage in a low down and dirty custody battle. That means the man that she swore on a stack was a danger to life and limb is now free to once again be an active participant in the life of both her and her daughter. So this is the part where something in her story just doesn't add up, like "were you shitting us then, or are you shitting us now?" Maybe she was shitting us all along. Maybe, like Jodie Foster and the movie going public, she's decided that Mel ain't so bad, only a bit misunderstood stood. It's a lady's prerogative to change her mind, but honesty ain't required.

Wonder Woman sez - "Don't be a victim!"

Lunapic Photo Editing

Brat Pack

gotten rotten

If you read the last Wondertrash post you might have gotten the feeling that I'm just not trying anymore. Maybe the word 'apathetic' in the title was a give away. Trying leads to so much mischief in life - if our celebrities are any indication - that sometimes not trying is worth a try. The less effort the less trouble gets made. However if everyone thought like that then the history books would be empty, and school boys would have nothing to trouble them. We can't all be buddhas, right away anyway. So in the spirit of wholesome mischief, here's some fresh shit.

Justin TV

It seems that no one is bigger these days then Justin Bieber; not since Charlie Sheen went back on his meds and recovered from that case of Sheenius. It seems that when ever this kid breaks wind it becomes an over publicized non event of the kind that might get 24 hour on going "developing story" type coverage on CNN. So if you so sick of this kid that you want to punch out random mop topped teen on the street, then skip over this part. It's gonna send you over.

breaking Bieber

The latest out break of Bieber fever has the Beeb on CSI. He was already killed off on Law & Order, but like Jesus the death didn't take and so he back to haunt us. As said his latest appearance was on CSI, though it might have been easier to take if he'd appeared in a grilled cheese sandwich or bowling alley lane - Jesus style. Anyway Justy keeps his cheesy mainstream so he got on CSI where he met Marge Helgenberger.

Justy & Busty

Now this musty been a big deal in the life of a growing boy. Margy, you'll recall, is the gal who acts in CSI and whose boobs are prominently feature, often hoist up into a firing position. So Justy must've been keen to make a real good impression on her. Maybe that's why Margy says that he seemed like a real nice guy when she met him. Her exact words, as quoted by Radaronline, were "He was nice to me." See, I said he was nice!

Everyone can't have big boobs, so Justy can't be nice to everyone

Thing was that it didn't stop there. Seems that Justy wasn't quite so nice with his other, non mammary endowed castmates. In fact Boobs, I mean Margy, goes on to say that, and once again I quote by way of Radaronline, that "I shouldn't be saying this but he was kind of a brat." Actually that part got said on a French radio interview, but Radaronline got wind of it and repeated it! Busty goes on to say that "He was nice to me but he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was one the cast's table!"

the moral of the story

So what can we draw from this? Well for one thing Justy is a real swell guy, if you happen to be a hot chick with great big boobs that stick up at a 45 degree angle. Other wise watch you're step, cause he can be a rotten little jerk. Also we've learned that you have to watch what you say, cause what you say can get around. Even if it's said over seas and in a foreign language. If it's about Bieber then the world is gonna know about it and more sooner than later. That probably has something to do with the Internet! Finally we've learned that the mass media hasn't gotten tired of talking about Bieber yet, not matter how sick of him everyone else is. That probably has something to do with his appeal to teenage girls and middle aged "Herbert the Pervert" types. So we're probably gonna keep hearing too much about him in the future, even if you dearly wish that he and Miley Ray Cyrus would run away together and never be seen or heard from again.

Now something in the spirit of big boobs sticking up on a 45 degree angle!

dirty ditties - every doggerel has it's day

Some people wonder what's gotten into celebrities today. I think that it's the age we live in. The whole sad sorry mess can probably summed up in the following little ditty!



So you real can't blame the Biebs for being as rotten little jerk when thing are rotten, like the song says! Even a Robin Hood might fall victim to his own vanity.



So when other legends are forgotten, just remember back when things were rotten. It's a Wondertrash thing!

Apathetic TV!

Something familiar, something peculiar

No time to blog today - as Dr Zaius would say - so here's some random shit.











Don't knock it - 80% of Pakistani TV these daysis random youtube video's that have been dubbed into the local dialect. The result is that they are developing a rapidly skewed version of reality, and one that is beginning to match our own!

Now here's our Wondertrash version of Public Broadcasting



The 12 Caesars by Suetonius was the basis for Robert Graves' I Claudius. Suetonius was criticized in his day for being more interested in the personal lives of historical figures, than their great deeds and public images. So he was considered more gossip columnist than historian. So he was the Wondertrash of the Roman Empire (but you can call me Pseudolus!).



"Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns; bring on the lovers, liars, and clowns!"

Andy still a dick

Even Gloria Allred wouldn't touch this!

I'd say that Andy Dick is still fighting his demons except that these days his demons are probably ashamed to be seen with him. That doesn't mean that Andy is ashamed to show his face out in public, and his his usual condition too; drunk and disorderly! Seems that Andy was out and about down in Temecula, CA. That's 'cause fashionable LA establishments won't let him on their premises. Anyway Andy was enjoying himself in a local restaurant when he got a little too high spirited. That's a polite euphemism for got drunk out of his mind and made a fool of himself.

everyday is a reality TV episode

Now there's no word yet on what sort of tomfoolery Andy was involved in (I'm assuming that it was more than a nipple slip), but it did result in the usual visit from the cops. Andy got charged with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Then he was escorted off the premises and to the nearest drunk tank. It must be reassuring to know that there are some establishments that still welcome him; even if it's only into the Lindsay Lohan suite. Anyway Andy got some time to sober up and enjoy some complimentary jail house hamburgers before paying his $500 fine and being released. So he is once again free to pursue his new career as a public nuisance! Oh yeah, and he also got this nifty mugshot as a little memento!

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

Fright of Passage - "10 points for Gryffindor!"

Movie witch gets the Carrie treatment

So who doesn't like Emma Watson? Well some of her classmates if rumours are to be believed. now I'm not talking about her Hogworts classmates, but the smart alecks down at Brown. Watson made news on both sides of the Atlantic when she opted for an American ivy league education instead of signing on at Oxbridge! She could never explain why she decided to go American, but if Brown was her choice then poor grades & low test scores may have had a lot to do with it. Brown has a rep as the 'remedial' ivy league school!

Now just because Browners aren't the brightest bulbs in America's elitist ivy league system doesn't mean that they can't come up with some good ones when the opportunity presents it's self. Watson was an opportunity that a spas could've hit with a blunder buss at 100 paces while wearing a blindfold. The poor girl just showed up with so much baggage in the way of her film career that it provided a rich vein to mine. For instance whenever Watson opened her mouth in class, say to answer a question, the local smart asses would chime in "10 points for Gryffindor!" Now for those of you who aren't Potter maniacs that's a reference to her films. To give Browners a break on that, it might not be specifically anti Watson. She just didn't know that American students aren't supposed to volunteer answers in class!

Well all this good natured Animal House type razzing lead to rumour about poor tender Hermione being bullied. Naturally Watson denied it. Watson said in a statement that "I have never been bullied in my life and certainly not Brown!" She's a Brit and so felt the need to be a jolly good sport about victimization, or something. If she thinks that's how you fit in on American campuses then she's still got much to learn - the usual way a gal gets more popular is by sleeping with a jock!

Anyway the Browners felt the need to show that they weren't such jolly good sports, by agreeing with her! Megan Estes, some kind of big shot in the student body, said that "we try to take care of our own at Brown, and I think we try to make sure she feels like anybody else." Now it should be mentioned that Estes doesn't know Watson personally, but has played Hermione in a Brown campus production of Harry Potter. So that makes her some kind of an expert.

Perhaps the teachers put it more articulately. Not surprising - just because they teach at Brown doesn't mean that the were educated there. In fact some are only passing through, like visiting professor Bianca Dahl. Dahl teaches some crypto lefty course called "global humanitarianism", or something. So that means she's got perspective, and maybe even context! Any way Bianca had this to say on the Watson crisis "There was an awareness of her, but in a protective way. I can't fathom that faculty or students would allow bullying to happen!" Whoa Nelly - no one said anything about the faculty! I guess some one just blew their tenure!!

Any how the upshot is that Ms Watson has decided to take some time off from the hectic world of collegiate bullying perhaps to get back to the dog eat dog world of movie making. She's planning on sitting out at least a semester. Now Hermione is quite clear that this has to doing with the knuckle heads at Brown giving her a hard time or anything. in fact she's stated, by way of some celebrity medium or another, that "This 10 points for Gryffindor thing never happened. Accusing Brown students of something as serious as bullying and causing me to leave is beyond unfair!" As for her plans after her sabbatical, a friend says that she's planning to continue her education abroad. So whether the accusations against Brown are beyond unfair or not; Hermi as no plans to get anywhere near the place again! It only goes to show that the real world of the transmundane is far far more frightening than the unreal world of witches and goblins could ever hope to be. It also means that those Browners will have to find some other use for that big bucket of goat's blood they were saving for the big year end dance!