Jayne Russell Dead @ 89

Believe it or not there's more going on in the world of entertainment than Charlie Sheen. Screen legend Jane Russell has passed away at the age of 89. She died at her home in Santa Monica, according to her son Buck Waterfield, of respiratory failure.

Russell made a big impression in the movies. There were a couple of things that you noticed about her right away. That's what caught mogul Howard Hughes attention. So he signed her up to a 7 yer contract with his movie company. The he cast her in his Billy the Kid picture The Outlaw. That was made in 1941, but was only seen in limited release 2 years later. Seems that Russell made a big impression on the movie censors too.

At 5'7" and 38D-24-36 Russell's stats were in a whole different ball park from many other actresses at the time. So movie censors didn't quite know what to do with her. It seems that which ever way she twisted and turned on screen, her cups were in danger of running over. It seemed like Hughes knew the positions to twist and turn her in too. In fact Russell's cleavage was such a big deal that Hughes, a talented amateur engineer, and to redesign he bra - in the form of a cross your heart, to contain the danger! Taking the measurements for that piece of work must've been a ticklish situation.

There was more to her career than Howard Hughes. In 1948 she stared as Calamity Jane opposite Bob Hope in The Paleface. By now Russell's reputation preceded her. By that I mean that Bob was find of introducing her as "The two and only Jane Russell!". She did plenty of other films too but perhaps her most memorable role was in Gentleman Prefer Blonds, with Marylin Munroe!

Russell was married 3 times: to pro football hall of famer Bob Waterfield, actor Roger Barrett, and real estate broker John Calvin Peoples. Though unable to have children she did adopt 2: daughter Tracey and sons Thomas and Robert John. She also started the World Adoption International Fund (WAIF). WAIF was a pioneer organization in helping American's adopt from overseas. Russell was also a prominent Republican and in later years a serious Christian. She organized Russell started the "Hollywood Christian Group" - a Bible study for film industry Christians, and was an occasional guest on the Praise The Lord show on the Trinity Broadcasting Network (not to be confused with the disgraced PLT Club of Jim & Tammy Baker. IN that case, critics said, PTL stood for Pass The Loot.).

Perhaps the best way to remember Jane is from one of her best loved roles. So here now are the two and only in Gentlemen Prefer Blonds.

2 1/2 Men On Indefinite Hiatus

@least this takes the pressure off of Lindsay Lohan!

getting by on the benefit of the doubt

By now everyone has heard the news about Charlie Sheen. He's been getting more attention than Lindsay Lohan & Mohammar Quadaffi, put together. However to keep you up to speed: Charlie has been going through along steady fuck up every since he was married to Denise Richards. Back then they were at odds about Charlie's refusal to get his daughters immunized (immunization is an Illuminati plot to spread autism), and his odd interests. Odd interests were porn and conspiracies with a side order of prescription pills. Since Charlie and Denise were splitting, and Denise was busy busting up another marriage on the side, every one assumed that she was a greedy manipulative slut. So Charlie got the benefit of the doubt.

here we go again

The benefit of the doubt allowed Charlie to get rid of Denise and move on to the next greedy manipulative slut. Their witches' brew of a marriage came to a boil on Christmas (Illuminati Solstice Holiday!) in a Festivus type fuck up that had Charlie holding a knife on either Brooke, or the turkey! Since Mueller was a crack headed whore who'd done coke and gone to rehab while pregnant, no one was going to give her the benefit of the doubt, even if they were less willing to give to Charlie.

Bedlam @ The Hotel Califonrnia

With Brooke out of the way that left Charlie free to his own devices. His own devices included entertaining Denise and the kids while simultaneously fucking whores and trashing hotel rooms. In other words Charlie was flirting with self destruction in a style 60's rock'n'roll martyrs would envy. He trashed a room in the Plaza Hotel, and a frightened porn actress hide in a cupboard. He caused $7000 in damage. He also gave some sleazy girls their first real taste of publicity!

a sudden violent hernia

While everyone else was asking "What next?" and "how far is this gonna go?" the CBS brass were trying to decide what they should do. Charlie is a big boy, and if he likes to party hardy, then how can you tell the guy what to do? You're only his boss, not his mommy. Charlie was making some decisions too. Like having a massive porn & drugs blow out that landed him in the emergency ward with a "hernia". "Hernia" is what you call a sudden violent attack of "celebrity dehydration", or "exhaustion".

rehab with assholes

Charlie was out soon enough, but some how everyone was more concerned with his state of mind than his hernia. Perhaps they missed the point, or maybe they ignored the memo. Anyway CBS finally decided that something had to be done. Since Charlie was reluctant to rehab with assholes under a bridge of trolls, that left the other alternative - hiatus.

Radio Free Tinfoil

At first this was only supposed to be temporary. However a lot of stories started coming out. Like the rumors about the 300 crew members losing their livelihoods. Also that Charlie had blown of rehab to do recovery at home, with hookers and tons of blow. So hiatus started looking less temporary. Then Charlie went nuts on the Alex Jones Show.

Broadcasting to the Tinfoil Nation

If you don't know who Jones is he's a Texas radio personality who got kicked off the air for being too over the top. He's like Les Nessman on speed or something. Anyway Alex went straight on tot he Internet with a conspiracy based radio. After a few spots on Coast to Coast AM Jones was getting a following. That's good cause Alex had tons of important news to share with the world: like fluoride cause brain damage, your light bulbs are spying on you, and wearing tinfoil while watching TV reduces the risk of epileptic seizures -which are a common side effect of Illuminati mind control technology!

I cured it with my mind, so kiss my alpha waves!

AS Charlie increasingly lost touch with reality he became increasingly involved with conspiracy theories. It happens; when life become surreal and difficult, the mind becomes more accepting of a deeper crazy madness behind the method. So with plenty of free time to kill, Charlie began listening more to Jones. He might have ordinarily slutted it up with his porn family but scrutiny made that impossible. A back up of unreleased semen combined with cocaine overload may have lead to what happened next.

flight of the moon bats

Charlie got himself worked up and decided to phone Alex on the air. This is the type of break everyone in media dreams of, so Alex let him right on. He also gave Sheen about 15 minutes ot vent whatever was on his mind. What was on his mind was some pretty disturbing ramblings filled with hyper defensiveness, and some violent symbolism. There were also some pointed remarks about his 2 1/2 Men boss 'Little Hymie Lipschitz'. Here are some excerpts from that interview:

technical difficulties - show canceled due to star's malfunction

Now when that got out Charlie was toast. CBS immediately announced that the show was gone for the rest of the season. Since it was TV's No 1 comedy, it puts extra pressure on the cast and crew of Big Bang Theory! It also has people wondering whether Charlie is in worse shape then they thought. Where as everyone figured hew as just some drug addict party boy, now they fear that the poor fellow may have lost his marbles. So there's a lot of talk about having him committed. That may be why Charlie has fled the country - currently residing in Barbados. That puts him beyond the reach of those who want to intervene in his life.

As of now he's out of the Major League remake, and 2 1/2 Men doesn't look like it has a future either. The Charlie Sheen Story looks like it's gonna knock everything else off of the headlines - stay tuned! Though the show is over, the story is "to be continued"! Many of us would be happy to have the story canceled and get the show back. Hopefully Charlie Sheen, a genuinely talented actor, can find some peace & grace before 'what next' goes 'too far'.

Sharon Stone Stalked by Man Claiming to be Hilary Clinton's Son

In Basic Instinct Sharon Stone played a psychotic criminal mastermind. In real life she is the victim of a deranged stalker. Stone's latest run in with her stalker was on Feb 11 (I don't know if that's an astrologically significant date for celebrities, but that is also the day that Lara Logan was assaulted in Egypt). That was the day police dropped by Stone's home and found 38 year old Bradly Gooden making himself at home.

Now Brad had an explanation for why he was there. He told the police that it was his home. He'd come all the way from Ohio to occupy the home because his mother had bought it for him as a present. Now wait until you get who he says his mom is. According to Gooden his mother his Hillary Clinton. He also told the police that his name is Bobby Joe Clinton.

There's more to Bobby Joe than some stray Clinton who likes to stalk sexy actresses! BJ is also a self styled child prodigy. That is to say that he claims to have written the screen play for The King's Speech - but completed it when he was 2! He also claims to be an undercover FBI agent, possibly working in some X Files type capacity!

That's not the professional opinion on him. According to the shrinks, who refer to him by his slave name, Bradly Gooden is one disturbed dude. The pros describe him as "Gooden is a mentally ill individual who has been evaluated by authorities and mental health professionals as delusional and is possibly a delusional schizophrenic." I like they way that they added 'possibly' onto the 'delusional schizophrenic' tag. It's like saying Lindsay Lohan possibly has an addiction issue, or Charlie Sheen seems to like hookers. So opinions vary in the sense that everyone agrees he's nut's but no one is sure what to do with him. Then again maybe the shrinks are waiting to see whether Stone is actually playing fiendish mind games with him, like she does in the movies!

As much as you admire anyone for giving an unfortunate the benefit of the doubt, in this case the delusion schizophrenic label has a pretty strong basis. For one thing, and once again accoring to the professionals, "Gooden compulsively traveled across country to locate [Stone] and her house, which he delusionally believes was given to him, and was recently discovered inside." So that's a fair indication of psychosis. Then there's the fact that he calls Hilary "Mommy" and himself "Bobbie Joe Clinton". Of course that the icing on the cake and the cherry on the top, in clinical diagnostic terms.

Stone isn't inclined to give Bobby Joe the benefit of any doubt. She's so sure that he's a menace that she issued some of the following statements, like "I have been subjected to a course of conduct which has and is seriously alarming, annoying and harassing me," Stone states in her filing. "I am in fear from Mr. Gooden for my personal safety, and that of those around me, including especially my children and family, as well as my friends and employees." She's also had Bobby Joe slapped with a restraining order barring him from coming within 100 feet of Stone, or her children. He's also barred from contacting her by phone, either in person or indirectly. So courts don't care who his parents are!

So that leaves things in their current state of disarray. Clinton/Gooden was whisked off for a 5150 psychiatric hold while the shrinks tried to figure out how fucked up he was. Then he was released to a half way house. I guess it will be up to the honor system to hold him to the terms of his restraining order. That's rough because Bobby Joe is still insisting that the house belongs to him. According to court documents he's also 'undeterred' from returning to what he views as his property. So that leaves Sharon 'living in fear' and pleading for help from the media and sympathy from the public! I guess that the whole psycho sex stalker thing is a lot less entertaining in real life than it is in the movies; or even in the comics and on Second Life! - sorry Sharon.

Half Baked Alaska!

People like Sarah Palin because she takes the trouble to try and be like them, rather than pretending to be normal - like other public persons. It's and awkward and unconvincing performance, but Sister Sarah may be more a woman of the people than her cynical critics would give her credit for. For instance when she quit her increasing high profile job as Governor of Alaska (the rest of America has yet to forgive Alaska for foisting Palin on them!) for the even higher profile position of New York Times best selling author and reality TV mom, it was because in her own words "I hate this damned job!" What could be more mainstream American? We assume those are the words because that was the text message her aid Frank Bailey allegedly received from her just before she resigned. Bailey was sort of a "right hand man", right after Todd, and he's also got an unauthorized Palin book coming out - so he's got plenty more to say about her.

The book is called "In Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin: A Memoir of our Tumultuous Years" and covers Bailey's career as a Palin insider. Bailey claims that there was a lot of border line activity going on in the Palin camp. He should know because he's personally accused of being responsible for a good deal of it. Like Troopergate. If you'll recall that was the case where Sarah was accused of using the power of the Governor's Office to get a state trooper fired in a petty personal dispute. The state trooper had dated some Palin family relative and there was a bust up. So Todd, on behalf of his better half, makes the rounds letting it be known that his missus would be really appreciative if something got done about a certain some one. That should be enough for any junior representative to take the hint,even if they've never seen Mr Smith Goes to Washington!

Well before the whole thing was over the trooper was out. So was Walt Monegan as public safety commissioner. There were allegations of taserings. Plus, according to bailey, Todd Palin was asking him to "get s--t, done, and it's us, Frank. You and me." That involved Todd feeding info to Bailey, which Bailey in turn passed onto state troopers. Passing on info in this case meant phoning a State Trooper Lieutenant and asking why their target still had a job. Bailey brought up the many complaints made by the Palins against the poor man to underscore that point.

Then there was Palin's choice for supreme court. Bailey was uncomfortable witht hat because he thought that it was a personal favour. The appointee - Judge Morgen Christen - was the one who handled some of the court work involving Palin's sister and the state trooper - Mike Wooten - that had been preoccupying the Gov. Christen had been sympathetic, and Bailey figured that the appointment was a way of rewarding him. Palin has always maintained that it was because the judge was ont eh right side of the abortion issue.

It wasn't just major things like getting people fired and appointing flunky's to high government posts that got his goat. It was also the small everyday examples of casual rule bending that got under his skin. Like some campaign ads Palin did. Now when you're running for governor in the states there are some specific rules about where you can and can't get money from. For one thing states can't team up and shift funds around. Yet that's what bailey claims Palin did, essentially, when she did a spot for the Republican Govs Assoc.

This was back during Sarah's 2006 campaign for governor. The RGA wanted to give Sarah some money for her campaign - which might be kind of unethical. In return they wanted her to appear in one of their commercials. They happened to get Sarah and her entourage as they were walking past a hotel featured int he shot. As it turns out Sarah marched her entourage back and forth in front of the hotel repeatedly, until the flim crew got the shot that they wanted.

All this lead up to what Bailey calls in his book a growing disillusionment. In the beginning he claims that he was won over by Palin's warmth, charisma, and apparent sincerity. She did blow the whistle on corruption in her own party - when she took on Party Chairman Randy Ruedich. Her promise to take on Alaska's Republican Poltical Machine had the blessing of the people - according to Bailey.

Then things started to go too far. Palin's administration became bogged down with pettiness, vendetta's and minor corruption. Sarah's principles and courage were replaced by an obsessions with perceived minor slights. Ruining opponents using letters tot he editor, ghost written blogs, etc, became more of a full time job. That left Bailey with a bad taste in his mouth. It's also left him with a book to sell. Since the book concerns America's No 1 Celebrity Politician - you can bet that this will leave him with money in his pocket, too.

BTW Whether or not Sarah Palin is gonna run for President in 2012, she certainly intended to maintain her grip as the leader of the Tea Party Movement. In fact she will brook no rivals, and especially if they're also attractive women, like herself. With that in mind Sarah has concocted a plan, fiendish in it's intricacy, and one that will fix her hated rival Ann Coutler, and fix her good!

You should never have accepted that invitation to Alaska Ann. You must've realized that you were being lured into a trap! Kate Gosselin only barely escaped her brush with Momma Bear, and she never did reality TV after!

Faye Dunnaway - Snaky on a Plane

Today out of the starting gateway have a living legend - Faye Dunaway. You might remember her from such important work as Bonnie & Clyde, not to mention Network. Faye has been on the edges of the radar for w awhile what with her being over 60 and a woman in Hollywood. Hollywood Beauty has a very short half life, ! Anyway Faye got herself back onto the radar recently when some past antics, circa early 90's, resurfaced by way of Page 6!

When I say that Faye had some airline related trouble I don't mean that she brought down the plane or anything. I mean that she got on the wrong side of some airline attendants. You know how sensitive they can be - Steven Slater; and you can probably guess how demanded over the hill & irrelevant actresses can be. Making constant demands is how they reassure themselves that they're still worth it. Reassure herself was what Dunaway did with a number of mid flight tantrums. It got so bad that attendants started calling her "The Bitch" behind her back - I guess they must have seen her films!

Little Britain

This whole thing took place on a trip to Heathrow - which is in Britain. So perhaps the Brits don't get the whole celebrity entitlement thing the way we do over here. Maybe they weren't prepared for Faye's quick change into her alter ego - the one who wears a great big B on her chest! Either way they decided that they were not going to stand for Dunaway's bitchfest antics. This in spite of the fact that Dunaway was insisting on an upgrade while demanding loudly "Don't you know who I am?" (at least she didn't ask them if they knew who they were fucking with - cause that line would be corn even in a film). Anyway here's the tale as told by one of the flight attendants:

high altitude attitude

Before she boarded one early-'90s flight to London's Heathrow, the stewardess claims that airline management contacted flight attendants and ground staff and told them that under no circumstances should they upgrade Dunaway. "This was the only time this ever happened in my career," she said. Sure enough, Dunaway turned up at JFK with a coach ticket to London and demanded an upgrade.

The stewardess told us, "She was a total bitch, screaming at everyone and saying, 'Don't you know who I am?' But we refused and sat her at the front of coach, where she could see there were seats free in business and first class, which made her even more furious. When we brought out the meal service, she snapped, 'I am not eating,' as if we would care."

But the attendant added that the flight crew -- taking a cue from "Mommy Dearest," in which Dunaway played a monstrous Joan Crawford who railed, "No wire hangers, ever!" -- got their revenge. "When she fell asleep, one steward said, 'I'm going to get that bitch' and grabbed a bunch of wire hangers and put them on the seat next to her. All the other passengers were snickering. When she woke up as the plane landed, she was wide-eyed with fury, and looked around [for] whom to blame but had no idea who did it. Then she got up and did yoga in the aisle to calm herself down."

I especially like the part about her getting up and doing yoga in the aisle to calm herself down. Of course a few drinks might have worked even better. Then again a drunk and irate Dunaway might have been more than any flight crew and their attendants could have handled. Their only option might have been to jettison Dunaway at high altitude, mid flight - like so much excess volatile fuel! Put in that perspective, coat hangers seems a more gentle way of handling things. of the story is that if you're an aging Hollywood beauty and still want people to pay attention, you'll still have your bad behaviour and nasty attitude to fall back on, long after your sex appeal has deserted you!

This is probably why really successful celebrities, like John Travolta & Angelina Jolie, invest in their own private planes. When you have your own plane you're not surrendering control of yourself over to a flight crew & attendants. Plus you sky time gives you some well needed peace & quiet, by giving you a chance to relax in the privacy you can only get at 30 000 ft. Plus you can never be too sure when your attitude is gonna fail and people are gonna have some tales to tell about what sort of a nasty shit person you really are when you can't hold it in anymore! So at very least bring along a parachute for that next high altitude ego trip.

When it comes to out of control diva behavior somethings never change, they only get worse. They happen in a more compressed time line too. Where as in the old days getting yourself royal fucked up might have taken a lifetime of boozing, bad romance, and other forms of poor judgment; by the Age of Marylin Munroe an ambitious actress could achieve that in her mid 30's.

As TV shortened the American attention span the need arose to shorten the train wreck from life story to media byte proportions. That meant repeated waves of high impact incidents like rehab, arrest, court, etc; instead of the old fashioned slow comfortable screw up. From baseball to football in other words! So we have had the Britney's, Christina's etc - with the high combustion rapid burn out personal disaster stories. This form of entertainment is so intense that few young women can keep it up for long (poor Mischa Barton is looking busted lately!). Among those wild young women only a very few have stood the test of time: Paris Hilton - by going into semi retirement, Jessica Simpson - by getting fat and desperate (who saw that coming?), and of course Lindsay Lohan - by refusing to take a fall.

Lindsay has certainly had her ups and downs. So much so that her mother Dina - she's the lesser of two evils in Lindsay's parental situation - has felt the need to explain her daughter once again and this time to the good people @ ABC News 20/20. 20/20 are the ones who got right on that ticklish Tom vs Oprah story after Cruise flipped out on Winfrey's couch. So they kind of bridge the gray zone between tabloid news and entertainment gossip; the way Bill Maher and Jon Stewart bridge the gap between commentary and opinion (news is getting increasingly squeezed out - and you have to go to Stephen Colbert for any possibility of Bigfoot coverage!). I especially like their astounding medical breakthrough stories! Who knew that Epsom Salts could cure depression? Any how if you want to see Dina explaining away her daughter's trouble then hit the link over to Mocksure, where you can watch the entire interview!

Malcolm in a Mess

Increasingly adult situations continue to pose problems for child actors

Remember Frankie Muniz? He was the smart alecky high schooler and awkward middle child on Malcolm In The Middle. Since he portrayed a teen ager who had a thought in his head and who could confront increasingly adult situations with a glimmer of intelligence and sensitivity, it gave him credibility as an actor. The way it gave Fred Savage that years before, on the Wonder Years. Well that is before Fred got charged or sued by that wardrobe girl who claimed he felt her up.

I'm not a genius but I play one on TV

People had higher hopes for Muniz. He played a kid with a 160 IQ so that oughta count for something. Plus he seemed comfortable with letting go of fame. He wasn't out trying to get some new series, or singing career on the go. He was doing other things to keep him interested. He started racing cars. Now that's a sensible outlet to youthful exuberance, as opposed to crashing them on freeways. He did get a band on the go, but he played serious gigs. Not MTV type stuff angled at starting a performing career. So maybe this was one child star who'd turn out to be normal.

Trouble & Turnblow Love

If that's what you expected then you might find the most recent news out of Muniz disappointing. Seems that Frankie's latest increasing adult situation ain't working out for him. Frankie has gotten involved with a girl -Elycia Turnbow. Turnblow has set herself up to be the Mila Kunis to Muniz creepy troubled Macaulay Kulkin. Not that I'm accusing anyone of playing the "How Does She Put Up With Him" game (read Eric Burns). Let's just say that the more involved with Turnblow he got, the creepier and more troubled Muniz became. Maybe that's what she likes about him. Who knows but let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

Malcolm in a muddle

Anyway the latest increase in Muniz's adult situation came just recently, and in the form of domestic assault. According to Muniz's girlfriend (if she's as much of a girl as she is a friend then she might be a female impersonator!) in her official police report: sometime last Friday they were arguing about previous relationships (she was threatening to leave and go back with her old boyfriend) when Frankie flipped the fuck out and got all despondent. That is a pulled a loaded gun and held to his own head. That was after he punched her in the head and shoved her into a wall. Then he made some noises about killing himself. Naturally she phoned for help, 'cause people need to know what sort of a lunatic she's living with.

Love for the record

Not surprisingly Muniz had a different story. Firstly he claims, in his official police statement, that "I love her too much. She is the woman I want to marry." A pathetic cry for help if I've ever heard one! After putting everything into context, he then he goes on to tell what he says really happened. He was sleeping last Friday when about 10 PM he was awakened by someone screaming and hitting him in the face. This was the love of his life, the aforementioned Turnblow.

love & other guns

Well Frankie says that what happened next was him just trying to defend himself from that onslaught of love taps. Except for the part about the gun. The gun wasn't loaded, for one thing. For another he says he didn't even pull the gun on himself, but the gun holster. It was just a way of making a point, like using air quotes. That Malcolm always could talk himself out of a spot.

Unfortunately this time the cops checked the gun, and found that it was in fact loaded. Perhaps the difference between Muniz and Charlie Sheen is that Charlie would've pulled the gun on the chick. So is that why he makes $2 million a week and Muniz can't get arrested (even lately)? The wimp has no killer instinct!

no harm no foul, but don't do it again

Maybe that's also why Muniz didn't get arrested. The cops checked both parties for injuries, and found none. So that left them with a ticklish "He said, she said" situation of the kind that makes hardened police officers check out for donuts when ever a domestic complaint is called in. Besides, what else could they do, other than impound the gun. Which they did. They also warned the young lovers that if they keep up the mischief, then the next time they're both going to jail. Sounds like they were too cynical to decide who to root for in that situation!

I'm not normal but I play it on TV

So that upshot is that yet another child star is going off the rails, as Muniz has had his Fred Savage Moment. Which is almost ironic considering shat a good job he did off acting normal on his show. Then again there's a lot of difference between acting normal and being normal. Whatever normal is. So we shouldn't be too surprised that Muniz is in his current increasingly adult type situation. Remember that he's only accused of turning a gun on himself, and not anyone else. So there's hope for him. Wish him luck, readers!

Death Benefits

Lucky Stiff

Back towards the end of Michael Jackson's life he was regularly abusing drugs like Propofol, to escape reality. The fact that his career was a mess might have had something to do with it. At his peak Jackson owned the Beatles catalogue which got pimped out o sell running shoes & German cars. So you'd think that Jackson was richer than Richie Rich. Paying off out of court settlements on child molestation cases dug into the nest egg. Michael sold out the Beatles catalog 25% at a time. When he got down to the final quarter, he mortgaged that.

That left Michael with some trouble mailing ends meet. For one thing Jackson was taking out loans at high interest rates. There were 65 of these outstanding at the time of his death. For another thing he had a whimsical lifestyle to support. Keeping Neverland stocked in Siberian White tigers and Macaw parrots wasn't cheap (the unicorn is still on order). So with falling record sales, mortgaged assets, and pay outs to angry parents (multiple outstanding law suits at the time of his death), the Gloved One had to some up with an extra source of income.

People in the UK still liked Jackson. So he booked a 50 show deal in London. Jackson would do his patent singing and dancing routine 50 times be fore a live audience and in return he'd get a huge payday. Something like $25 mill was staked to set things up. The only problem was that Jackson was no spring chicken any more. He'd never recovered from that Pepsi accident. Plus he'd spent the last ten years getting shot up with needles through the lower legs, and hanging out in wheelchairs. So could he still pull his moves, and would the struggle to get back into shape kill him?

This is it - in more ways than one

So some people had there doubts from the word go. Still the deal had been signed, the money fronted, and besides Jackson was desperate for an cash infusion! So things went full speed ahead. Since the concerts sold out it seemed like the reasonable thing to do. That is until Jackson died three weeks before the tour began. Then it seemed only reasonable to cancel. That not only left the Jackson estate with it existing $400 million in debt - but another $40 million in liability.

An overachiever to the end, and after!

The great thing about a life in entertainment is that things can always turn around. Even if you're dead. Once Jackson had kicked off of the mortal coil, the usual fear and suspicion that had surrounded him increasingly during the final fifteen years of his life was cleaned up. Jackson's image was reformed, for one thing. He got a promotion from Prince of Pop to King of Pop. There was a nifty memorial at LA's Staples Centre. His kids - whom he'd tried to keep out of the spotlight for years - were trotted out to say what a great dad he was. So the child molestation stuff could be dropped - even though while he was a live defending him on that would've been like questioning whether OJ really did it (they were both found "not guilty"). So it looked like MJ would be the next dead guy to go out an conquer the world through fame.

This is it, & only the beginning

Now it would be hard to say that Jackson has conquered the world, but he has come along way since dying. For one thing his estate has gotten rid of that 400 million debt. In fact they have even paid off the concert cancellation liabilities. Add to that the fact that the Jackson home in Encino California has had a major upgrade, and that makes the remaining $315 million the estate has cleared as profit since MJ died in June 25 2009 impressive.

His executors get credit for shrewd fiscal management. However in some statements to TMZ, which revealed just how well Jackson has done since he was done for - the executors also claim to have given his brand image a major overhaul. Of course that's a lot easier without Jackson around to keep flaunting his bizarre behavior in every one's face. That's the thing about celebrity - once you successfully separate the image from the person, then anything is possible. Even if the person doesn't survive the process. Thing of it as like Jesus in reverse! At least none of the executors made any kind of "he was his own worst enemy" remarks. He won't have that problem from now on, will he?

Wondertrash 'bogus zen' thought of the day - Plastic surgery: why wait until you're dead to begin getting embalmed? Besides, it's just part of the celebrity mummification process!

American Dad

BIlly Ray Cyrus - "Hannah Montana ruined my life"

Billy Ray Cyrus is no stranger to the lime light. About 10 years ago he was a one hit wonder with his Achy Breaky Heart, his Kentucky fried good looks, and his trade mark mullet. Billy Ray's career never recovered from his Achy Breaky Heart. That was to be his one time big hit and he kinda faded into obscurity after that. That is until he became a proud pappy to Disney wunderkin Miley Cyrus.

Miley is Billy R's daughter. She was still a teenager when she was Disney's Hannah Montana. The showed featured Cyrus as Montana - a teenybopper rock star with a Justin Bieber like career. The show was a hit both among teenage girls and creepy middle aged men. So Miley became a bona fide star. That meant Billy Ray got to be a household name again.

“G-String Circus”

It seemed like Billy appreciated his unlikely return to the lime light. He knew how fast it could slip away. So he not only put himself out there again, but encouraged Miley to make the most of it. He even began grooming her for her post Disney Teen career by sexing up in image in preparation for the inevitable shift into adulthood - it's never too soon to start. He released some pictures of her on the net in more mature situations - wet t shirt in shower. He encouraged her to pose nude in Vanity Fair. Plus he liked to tell interviewers about her stripper pole that he had installed int he rec room. He described that as good clean family fun. Now that last bit would come off tacky to anyone even if their last name was Palin!

Billy Ray ain't the first parent to get carried away while living vicariously through their kids. He won't be the only one to have had some second thoughts along the way. In fact Billy Ray has admitted to some regrets about his daughter's career only recently, in a GQ Magazine interview. During the course of the GQ chat Billy admits that he blames the whole Hannah Montana thing for the break up of his marriage. Then he goes on to claim that he's been made the fall guy for his daughter. Said Billy:

"Every time the train went off the track ... her people, or as they say in today's news, her handlers, every time they'd put [the blame on] me ... I took it because I'm her daddy ... OK, nail me to the cross," he told GQ.

Billy also fears that there are people around his daughter who are leading her down the wrong track - though he didn't come right out and say anything about starwhackers. This is what he did say:

"I'm scared for her," he said. "She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm."

Now this sudden flood of paternal concern might have been more convincing if it had happened before Miley turned 18. Saying things like this after you loose legal custodianship over your daughter's earnings will only make people question your motives. Like maybe you're getting cut out of the action and want back in. So you start dropping a lot of hints and making innuendo that start adding up to "conservatorship". That would be convenient. Especially if you don't think of it as hijacking some one else's life, but more like a Patriot Act for your family (coming soon to American Dad!).

Though Miley is hardly Jessica Simpson - Christina Aquelira - Britney Spears fucked up, she's had her moments. Of course many of those moments were arranged by Billy Ray - but let's not get side tracked. The point is that this is the age of intervention. That means there's usually a good excuse to jump into some one else's life and start meddling. Why let the fact that they're an adult and legally entitled to live their own life stop you?

Besides why wait and take the chance that your daughter could go Britney when you could get a head start on being Jamie Spears right now? Of course the difference is that Jaime Spears didn't maneuver his way into his daughter's life via the media. He stepped in during an emergency, reluctantly. He remains involved at eh request of both Ms Spears and her attorneys. Recruiting support for some kind of family ambush via TMZ & the Internet is really more of a Michael Lohan type move.

O.J. Simpson - the next chapter

Followers of the OJ Simpson story will be aware that justice - or something - finally caught up with the Juice. OJ was accused of killing his ex wife and her alleged lover, and that played out in a huge trial about 15 years back. It became a reality TV spectacle of shifty defense attorneys, incompetent prosecutors, and crooked cops. Designer accessories like Bruno Magli shoes became court exhibits. So it was a real LA deal. In the end the leading man went free.

pulp fiction

Since this was TV and not the movies, the public was unhappy with the outcome. So the scenario either needed a one armed man, or a 'to be continued' format. Since the Juice couldn't come up with a plausible alternative to his guilt - and anyone who's ever watched TV from Perry Mason to Murder She Wrote realizes that the first step to proving your innocence when accused of a crime that could put you into the penalty box is to find some one else to blame and pin the thing on them! - That left the 'to be continued' option. So we waited for the Juice to get his comeuppance!

follow the money

For awhile it didn't look like that would ever happen. Ron Goldman got some measure of retribution by suing the Juice in civil court. He won a wrongful death settlement to the tune of $33 mill. However he and Nicole Brown's relatives began fighting amongst themselves for the loot - which left a bad taste in every one's mouth. Since it is forbidden by American civil law to use a law suit to financially ruin anyone, that left the Juice with his NFL pension as walking around money. While the Juice hit the links (pressure didn't spoil his game, the way it threw Tiger Woods off!) and hung out with floozies, spectators waited to see how long he could keep getting away with this.

The Juice would never make it to the end zone. The financial squeeze eventually caught up with OJ. He began selling shit to raise funds. The National Enquirer reported that he'd boxed up some of his prized possessions like crystal chandeliers & solid gold humidors - both to cheat Goldman out of collecting on them, and to have them ready for either quick resale or speedy shipment out of the country.

booze & bad company in Vegas

He also began selling sports memorabilia under the table, through a friend, to make ends meet. That's where the trouble ensued. The friend began double crossing OJ: selling the stuff and keeping the money for himself. So the Juice wanted to straighten things out - you know how important it is to see justice done. So while on a trip to Vegas for a friend's wedding (imagine getting married and having OJ show up as a guest!) the combo of booze and bad company set the wheels of karma - or whatever - in motion.

junk in a trunk

OJ was drunk at the bar and bitching about getting double crossed when a few drunken companions convinced him that he didn't have to put up with that. After all he was The Juice and wasn't anyone to be trifled with. So the drunken trio some how got a gun (not surprising - it was in Vegas) and made their way across town to where OJ's treacherous friend was selling his junk out of a motel room. The next thing OJ was waving a gun at the guy and demanding his money while some one - we know not whom - was calling the cops. Much of what transpired got recorded via cell phone, and replayed on TV. Worse still it was replayed at OJ's kidnapping armed robbery trial.

looking for a jail with room for media baggage

Now the whole thing may have smelled of a set up, but OJ followed along. Plus the evidence was stacked up high this time. So OJ had to go down on 12 or 13 charges. He got a 33 years sentence, which makes you think that he was being sentenced for something else other than a fight over sports cards. Upshot was that The Juice was finally gonna start serving some serious jail time (unlike Lindsay Lohan). The only question was where to put him? Though prospective jailers insisted that in their institution OJ would be treated like any other prison, the fact was that he wasn't. He'd be coming with a huge amount of media baggage. So now the problem was where to put him.

the Juice gets Lovelocked

OJ was originally sent to High Desert State Prison in Southern Nevada, for further assessment. While there he was a model prisoner. So that ruled out hard ass prisons. eventually authorities decided on Lovelock outside of Reno. Lovelock is known as a cream puff facility housing mostly sex offenders and other assorted creeps. Lovelock is a low - medium security facility where prisoners are monitored electronically.

bitchslapped!

Even housed among diddlers and peeping toms OJ somehow managed to get himself in trouble. Reports are coming out that the Juice recently received a jail yard shit knocking! No less an authority than Janet Charleston herself is reporting that OJ took a viscous beating from some fellow inmates. According to the rumors Lovelock is filled with white racists, in addition to child molesters and underwear bandits! It was in this racially and sexually charged environment that the Juice went around boasting about all the white chicks he'd had. Then he went one better and said that after they had been with him they never wanted to do white guys again. Then again he was probably never gonna win friends & influence people in a situation like that anyway!

no press is bad press, but no news is good news

When prison skin heads heard about all this loose talk they decided OJ needed another comeuppance. So they laid in wait for the former Hall of Famer. Then as he left the exercise yard, about 9 of them jumped him. The Juice got such a brutal shit knocking that he had to spend 2 1/2 weeks in the prison infirmary. Though it should be said that about 2 of those weeks were just to keep him away from the other cons. Also it's kind of an embarrassment to the prison - no OJ news could do them any credit- so they wanted to keep it hush hush.

Minimum security - so extra security is gonna cost ya!

You should be glad to hear that the situation is currently under control. Though the Juice is loose - within the electronically monitored confines of his min security facility, he is well protected. He's paying some of his fellow inmates to do body guard duty for him! Since he's probably scared now, they can soak him for plenty, too! So I guess that only leaves us with the question "What next?"

PS Today is Valentine's Day, or VD, and Wondertrash hasn't forgotten about that. So here's a little video treat to take the edge off of the occasion by reminding you that love can be wonderful!

More Trouble for Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson's life has had it's ups & downs. She was the third most popular teen singer in America back in the Britney Spears - Christine Aguilera period. She came back from obscurity by marrying Nick Lachey and participating in a reality TV series with him. Then she went rogue after getting her Dukes of Hazard part. Going rogue meant that while Nick was doing the talk radio rounds insisting that the Newlyweds were still fine, she was holed up in some hotel room getting it on - allegedly - with her costar Johnny Knoxville. That rumor was denied, even though folks on the scene were saying that Knoxville's partner was showing up on set and having a fit about the sleeping arrangements. Apparently Jessica requested the room next to Knoxville. At least she didn't get Knoxed up or anything, but her marriage went kaput.

ride 'er, Cowboy!

When her marriage went kaput her career went with it. Jess & Nick were kind of a package deal, and she screwed that up. The public wasn't happy about her loose ways, so she lost a lot of sympathy. What she lost in sympathy she made up in Tony Romo. That was another sad story, as Dallas Cowboys fans blamed the QB's lackluster performance on The Simpson Effect. Some of the coaching staff even considered having Jess banned from games, after opposing fans started showing up to games wearing Jessica Simpson masks in an attempt to freak out Romo. Cowboys management needn't have worried too much. The relationship ran it's inevitable course. After tony got pissed with Jess's constant drinking her dumped her ass in an IHOP parking lot, deep in the middle of Texas and miles from nowhere. A weepy hysterical Simpson then had to arrange for some one to pick her up, and wait several hours bawling in the parking lot.

flat as a pancake on the road to romance

No one knows whether the International House of Pancakes had anything to do with what followed, but Jessica put on a ton of weight. She showed up for some performance - it might have been a chilly cook off country music festival sponsored by KISS FM Florida - wearing mom jeans and looking like silly putty. Now she was not as big as everyone made out, but the jeans did nothing to camouflage her condition. So everyone was talking about how fat she'd got (no one assumed that she was pregnant). She made the cover of some national magazine, sharing it with Pres Obama. The Pres was even obliged to take time away from his Superbowl picks to comment on that during a TV interview!

at least Rahm Emmanuel isn't writing his material anymore

That Obama and his one liners! I'm sure he resented having time taken away from important issues, like who he picked to win. As for Jessica, she may have had some bad experiences with Mr. Sunday, but she was willing to give athletes another chance. That's where Eric Johnson came in.

when you've got no other offers, you a free agent

Eric was not only an athlete, but another football player - a free agent in the NFL. They started dating in May 2010. So they were an time, and were seen all over the place getting oozy cozy with each other in their respective end zones. One thing lead to another and soon enough an engagement was announced. So it looked like things were finally looking up for Jessica.

weighty affairs & heavy issues

Jessie's bad karma must not be totally played out yet, because the poor girl has hit another snag on the road to happiness, again. Seems that Mr Johnson has some issues he wants set straight before they tie the knot. The issue, of course, is Jessie's weight. Seems that Jess never totally took it off. Maybe sobriety didn't agree with her; and once the nausea finally went away she might have rediscovered her appetite, and then decided to replace one addiction with another, more fattening one. Eric - allegedly a vegan (sure his an NFL player?) has now insisted that Jessie has got to drop some serious weight before they can take it to the next level.

another breakthrough from the National Enquirer!

According to the National Enquirer - who did some fine work wrecking John Edwards life (To which many will respond "So what?". When your main claim to fame is two timing your dying wife and using her illness to get sympathy support for your presidential bid, you're not gonna be on many folks Christmas card lists.) Eric has a big beef over the weight problem. Jess is 5' 3" and hitting the 150 pound mark. She can't stop eating, especially anything fried; which she likes to knock back with Margaritas. Eric is in top form, and thinks that Simpson should be putting in the same effort. So he laid down an ultimatum - “Diet or we’re done!”

never says 'diet'

Now they've been hooked up for months, so you'd think things would be fairly stable. However the pair have been having brutal fights recently. According to the NE the rows are about Simpson's weight. They even maintain that it was during one of their most recent slag offs that Johnson laid down the ultimatum. That still leaves the question of "why bring it up now?"

Jess was becoming a handful in more ways than two?

My theory - weight isn't the real issue. According to the grape vine, Jessica can be a pill one on one. Romo was so glad to be rid of her that he had her banned from his premises after their bust up, and even left word with security to make sure she didn't get past the gate. Now the weight wasn't an issue before, but Johnson has gotten to know Jessica a little better now. Some times that doesn't work out for her. So maybe this whole weight thing is a big excuse. Perhaps the fellow is desperately looking for an out. The thing is that some guys dig big chicks; but no one likes a handful!

PS That Obama video, featured above, was not actually what the president said at the time - but something rigged up by Tea Baggers working with FOX News. You know what they're like!

John Paul Getty 3 Dead

The name Getty has been in and out of the media for years. It was most recently in the media when television actor Balthazar Getty started seeing Sienna Miller behind his wife's back. Sienna has a habit of doing that sort of thing. It's how she's slept herself into and then out of a major motion picture career. Anyway bats was well known apart from his TV work and risking catching social diseases with Sienna. He was the great grandson of legendary oil tycoon J Paul Getty. His grandfather was JP 2, and his father was John Paul Getty 3 - that Getty.

John Paul Getty 3's life was lived in the public eye since the day he was born - Nov 4 1956. He made an immedaite impession on his grandfather who described him as a "a bright, red-haired little rascal… most cheerful and cute", but things would go down hill from there. A childhood spent in Rome - where his father headed a division of the family business - didn't do much for the lad. It seemed to lead him down the wrong. It was in Rome, in 1964, that hias father divorced his mother - Gail Harris, and took up with Talitha Pol, step grand daughter to Augustus John (artist).

JP3 never got it together after that. He drifted into a Bohemian lifestyle of booze, drugs and bad company. He supported himself painting and nude modeling. He also got himself kidnapped. In 1973, when he was 16, JP3 was taken from his apartment at 3 AM by men who would later demand a ransom for the oil heir's release. That's were things got really sticky.

J Paul 1 - balked at paying the 3 million dollar ransom. His official story was that he had 14 grand kids, and if he paid off on this, he'd have 14 kid napped grandchildren. Now that sounds more tough than fair. People who knew the old man observed that he also balked at paying tips on meals. He once left his pocket change on the table after being nagged about it by a dinner companion. That came to the princely sum of under $1.

The kid nappers weren't to be as easily handled as service personnel. Employees of Italian newspaper Il Messagero received a package containing human hair and a decaying ear. The note claimed that the ear belonged to Getty, and if they weren't paid promptly, more odds and ends would be arriving by post. The old man reconsidered and decided to pay off the ransom. However in typical Getty style he made the payment in the form of a loan to his son, at 4% interest!

The payoff worked and Getty 3 was released. He showed up on the road between Rome and Naples wearing a blanket and covered in blood. He was also malnourished, badly infected, and generally in desperate shape. He'd gotten infected after the ear had come off, and his captors had tried to keep him alive with massive doses of penicillin. Not only did it not cure the infection, but triggered an allergy. His captors had also used alcohol, perhaps to prevent him from cracking up; and he developed an addiction to it.

Thew hole ordeal further deepened rifts within the Getty clan. While JP3 went off to a clinic and then skiing - to recover, his mother spiraled into a depression. When JP3 phoned his grand father - to thank him for paying off, the old man refused to accept the call (maybe it was collect?). With mom in bad shape and C Monty Burns giving hm the silent treatment, JP3 drifted into a deeper relationship with his girlfriend 24 year old actress Martine Zacher. She was 6 years senior to the 18 year old, and also 5 months pregnant by the time the married. The ceremony was something to behold: the bride wore black and Getty was so messed up that the official performing the ceremony questioned whether or not Getty actually knew what was going on. Incidentally the child Zacher was 5 months pregnant with at the time was Balthazar Getty.

BY the time the 70's rolled 'round JP3 was in bad shape. he was now drug addicted, paranoid, and unable to sleep. If he was expecting family support then he would be disappointed again. In 1976 the old man died and left a $4 billion fortune. JP3,a nd his father, were cut out in the will. however a dozen of JP1's female friends - who provided care and support for the old geezer in his declining years - were handsomely rewarded. However JP3 was a beneficiary of the Sarah C Getty Trust (trust funds are what the uber rich set up when they finally figure out that too much money will fuck up their kids). It was fortunate for Getty - if anything in his life could be called fortunate - that he had the family trust to fall back on; since his health was about to take a major crash!

In 77 Getty underwent surgery to repair the damage from his ear amputation. That wasn't the last of his health problems. His body was in rough shape from alcohol & drug abuse, the lad was found of herion and cocaine, in addition to brandy. So in 81 he had a major liver failure. That triggered a stroke, which lead to 6 weeks in coma. When he awoke, he was blind, mute, and paralyzed. It was beginning to look like the only thing he'd inherited from his grandfather was all the trouble that money could buy (which is often plenty!).

Getty showed that he'd inherited something else from the old man - will power. Getty submitted to a cruel therapy & rehabilitation regime, which involved daily painful physio. He made some measure of recovery and by the late 80's was able to get out an about again. In fact he was sometimes seen at the movies, and other social events. he even made one foray back onto the slopes. his health was that fully recovered though, and he could only ski while strapped into a metal frame.

Health was to remain the issue through out the remainder of his life. His home had been converted into something his friend Timothy Leary described as a high tech hospital ward. Behind the wall panels in Getty's home were the most advanced medical equipment available at the time, just in case they ever came in handy. Apparently with the push of a button walls would flip, and the tech would emerge, like a scene from a James Bond film. Some of the lifestyle accouterments concealed behind the oak paneling included lasers, X-ray machines and even a private blood bank.

Despite his efforts JP3 never did escape the wheel chair. That left him mostly confined to his family estate in Buckinghamshire, Chilterns. The family home, named Wormsley, was on 3000 acres, and had been designed like a theme park version of an aristocratic manor home. There was a cricket pitch, mock castle, towers, and everything except a moat and draw bridge. It also contained one of the best collections of rare books. On a practical note it had been completely wheel chair adapted. It was on the Wormley estate that John Paul Getty 3 died Tuesday. He was 54.

Lindsay Lohan is a Shady Lady

Badda-bling

When word got out about Lindsay Lohan's latest misfortune. a lot of people thought "What, again?" Some wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Not that $2500 necklaces get misplaced everyday. It's just that Lindsay's latest excuse sounded like it might hold just enough water, again.

Lindsay was accused of stealing the necklace from a jeweler she occasionally does some business with. The store owner claims that Lindsay took it without permission and that there's video surveillance footage to back that up. Lindsay - who originally said "What necklace?" claimed that she was loaned the necklace for an event - as is commonly done in Tinseltown. She further went onto say that her stylist was supposed to bring it back, but fucked up. So it really isn't her fault again. Problem is that while CCTV shows Lindsay wearing the piece, it doesn't explain how it got out the door with her, and so doesn't disprove her story.

Now when you have 2 low credibility version of the same story going head to head that usually leads to court; which is wear this thing is going. Lindsay got charged for this, although I'm not sure that there has been a time in the past 5 years when Lindsay wasn't facing charges or under probation - and now has to face a judge. She being charged with a felony this time, too. SO this could mean slammer time for Lohan to the tune of 2 years. How's that for facing the music?

The state has appointed a kick ass prosecutor too. That would be L.A. County Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers. Meyers has gone up against Lindsay before, and has always gone for the max. This time seems to be no exception. In fact Lindsay past history of alleged thieving is being entered into evidence. What history is that? Well just to keep everyone current here are some episodes from Lohan's checkered past:

-- She was suspected of taking a $400,000 necklace in 2009 from an Elle Magazine photo shoot.

-- She was accused of stealing a $12,000 mink coat in 2008 from a NYC nightclub.

-- She was accused of taking a $35,000 Rolex from a "friend" in 2010.

So Sticky Fingers has been busy - allegedly. Believe it or not she skated on each of these charges, despite dodging out numerous probation violations over her drinking driving episode. This was because the powers that be wanted to cut the girl some slack, and because Lindsay has a way of coming up with just the right excuse. Stuff like "The coke in my pocket isn't mine because this isn't my coat. I picked it up by mistake when I was leaving the big coke party!" So she's not guilty of coke possession because she grabbed some one else's coat with their stash in it. Not like that probably wasn't the idea, but it creates just enough doubt to make proving intent impossible. So Lohan goes free while anyone halfway honest would've been dropped in the pokey.

Now Lindsay is poised to walk free once again. The fact that she's come up with more "plausible deniablity" shows that her defense strategy is already in place - "I didn't do it, again". It might even shed some light on what really went down. The defense only works if Lindsay really was loaned the neck piece. Which doesn't mean that she didn't have criminal intentions. Imagine if you will a scene in a mid range LA boutique. New sales person is working the cash when in comes La Lohan. She spends sometime chatting up your boss, and they get along like 2 old friends. Boss then takes off telling you to "Take good care of my friend". Next thing Lindsay is asking is she can borrow a mid range priced item off the menu - reassuring you that your boss let's her do this all the time, and she'll totally have it back manana.

That leaves you with a difficult decision. You can play it safe and tell her to shove off, except that this kind of transaction happens all the time in Hollywood. Celebrities are special people and exceptions are often made for them. Besides you've just seen the boss schmoozing it up with her. So do you want to take a chance and piss off your boss? If it doesn't work out you'll be looking for a new job without a current reference. Besides it's not like she picked out the biggest diamond nugget in the place and said "I'll be leaving with this one". So you're left to your own judgment. That probably resulted in the boss coming back a few hours later, and blowing a gasket while screaming "Do you know what you've done? You've just let $25oo walk out the front door!"

This is were we get into the area of intend. Poor judgment in a salesperson isn't necessarily a criminal matter. Except that if this is how it went down you can almost hear how the wheels in Lohan's head were turning at the time: "New girl here - unsure of herself, eager to please and fit in, I can handle her!" So she probably deliberately intimidated the girl into letting her walk out with the goods. That left the store owner with the ticklish problem of getting the merch back.

It also leaves the DA's with the ticklish problem of how to handle Lohan again this time. Look for this to clue up with Lindsay walking, and the store employee - who will be pressured by their boss to say Lindsay took it (and so can look forward to keeping the job until the trial is over and their services are no longer needed) - to face possible perjury charges. If you're gonna play fast and loose then you better know where the line is, and no one ever said Lindsay was stupid!

Here We Go Again

same old story, same old song & dance

Jude Law & Sienna Miller are a stormy old story. They began together back at the turn of the century - when Jude was still with the mother of a few of his biological children (there have been more since though it's hard to keep track exactly). That spark a kind of an outrage but Sienna insisted that what she did she did for love, and there's nothing wrong with that. So they were cut some slack. That is until handsome Jude two timed Sienna with his kids' nanny. Miller went around moaning and weeping to the media about how her adulterous love had been betrayed. She also soaked up more than her share of sympathy at Jude's expense. Since Jude was the heavy in the piece supporting Sienna was a way of blaming him: pro vs con. When will we learn - both sides might be bad!



So while Jude disappeared into obscurity, Sienna went on to cash in by playing prestige roles - the kind that require British accents. She did a bunch of costume period pieces and while none of them were ever Box Office No 1's, they got her the rep of a good actress and the established career that came with it.

Sienna keeps busy on the rebound

I guess that getting away with it must've gone right to Sienna's little blond head, because the more successful she got the less sympathetic her antics became. She bounced back from Jude and into the arms of a series of married men. I won't say that she's gone through other people's relationships like a cannon ball through a China shop; but she has probably ruined almost as many marriages as Facebook. In fact wrecking marriages seemed to be almost some kind of game to her. No sooner was one relationship kaput then she'd drop the dude and look for fresh fields to blight. The last marriage she torpedoed was Balazathar Getty's. Getty had the double advantage of being a regularly employee actor, but an heir to the Getty Oil Fortune (those Gettys). So Sienna had to have him. She made no secret of it either as the pair were photographed in any number of friendly positions.

corpus delicti & modus operandus

By now the public was getting tired of her. She was regularly referred to as Sienna the slut & Sienna the Homewrecker (If Chelsea Handler thinks that Angelina Jolie is a homewrecking whore then she'd better never be in the same room with Sienna Miller). Her flat in London got slut spray painted on it. Worse still her colleagues were even more sick of her than the public. She got kicked off of Sherwood for allegedly making a play for Russ Crowe. It would be good for her career, get her in the headlines, plus it's just her usual modus operandi. Russ showed he was more than a pretty face and told her to fuck the hell off. Then he had her fired. She got pissy and made the kind of trouble that wears out your welcome in Hollywood.

When Sienna got pissy she started making up stories concerning her firing. When an A List actress bails on a major production naturally people are gonna ask questions. So Sienna had some answers for them. For one thing she said that she wasn't fired, she quit, she said. If you don't believe that an ambitious girl like Sienna would walk off an A List movie she had an explanation for that too. According to Sienna the movie was unbelievable because Russ Crowe was so fat no one would ever believe that a beautiful girl like Sienna could be in love with him. Then the Sherwood stills came out showing Russ leaner than he was in Gladiator. So people knew Sienna was making up stupid lies to cover herself and make herself look good!

Sienna gets insubordinate

In Hollywood that sin might've been forgivable. How ever Sienna had to follow that by going a bridge too far. She floated a rumor that the project was in trouble because Russ Crowe was trying to get his best friendly Ridley Scott replaced as director. 2 things you need to know about this: 1 actors will form working relationships with directors, like Johnny Depp and Tim Burton. This director will always put them in their work, so it assures an actors career when Super Director will only work with him in a project. Since you owe your career to the guy crossing him would be career suicide.

foxy bitches

The second thing is that directors are one rung up the food chain from actors on the Hollywood food chain. When an actor and director cross, the director wins and the actor doesn't work anymore. Remember when Megan Fox was the hottest young actress in Hollywood. Then she called Transformers 2 stupid (or maybe she was referring to Wonder Woman, and called T2 "lame"). Anyway Michael Bay took exception, He then went on to make a public statement reminding Megan that he'd made her what she is, and questioning her appreciation for that. Megan got nervous and at an awards presentation shortly afterward made a point of telling the world how grateful she was for her Hollywood career, regardless of what else she'd been saying before. It was too late, the damage was done; and now Transformers 3 is rolling out with out Megan.

I bring up Megan as an example of the price paid for defying the pecking order in show business. While Megan merely ran off at the mouth, Sienna's stunt was truly shitty. It was something that neither Crowe or Scott was likely to forget. So her next film was GI Joe. Though Miller said that she was happy to do a film people actually enjoyed for a change - there was no talk about her featuring in any sequels. So her next stop was Broadway. Though Broadway used to be the bog deal in American Drama, back in the days of theater; Andrew Lloyd Weber has killed that. Now it's some where desperate actors land when they're looking for something to break their fall. Worse for her, once her show was clued up there was no word on any furture bookings.

success equals sequels

Though the future was bleak for Sienna thing were looking oup for her former lover Jude Law. He'd over come a few major scandals - like knocking up an American model and knocking out a female tab reporter in Brit - largely through the anti Sienna backlash. Since she was such a rabid slut, Jude couldn't have been completely at fault. That got him a measure of redemption which allowed him to regain a portion of his career. he got some screen work again, and was fortunately cast as Dr Watson alongside Robert Downey as Sherlock Holmes. That was fortunate because Robb Downey was now Ironman, Ironman was a hot, and the studios would let Doweny do other stuff as long as he kept doing Iroman. So the Sherlock Holmes project was good for one or two sequels. That meant Law was back on the high way and headed to the fast lane again.

So with things looking up for Law, there were now certain career opportunities for Sienna. Opportunities of the kind that the girl friends of working Hollywood actors might have access to. So naturally she made a play at her old boyfriend. Naturally enough Sienna went back after Law, and astonishingly he took her back. While the world asked "WTF is Law thinking?", Sienna happily anticipated her return to motion picture work, once her grand strategy of sleeping her way into Hollywood paid off. After all, she wouldn't be the first chick who made in that towen on her back (though she'd have been one of the few to make it back. Once you fuck up that bad you don't get in no matter how sexy a fuck you are, even if you're Sean Young!).



Maybe the world should've asked "How long will it last this time?" If that had been the question then we'd have our answer already. Seems that, and in spite of announcements about impending nuptials and non legally binding Buddhist commitment ceremonies; the couple have once again called it quits. A statement from Jude and Sienna's respective reps was issued earlier confirming that the couple were no longer a couple. In fact that's what Law's rep told People mag earlier - so its' official. Jude's rep said “I can confirm that Jude Law and Sienna Miller are no longer in a relationship. It is mutual and amicable and they are still friends,” a friend told the mag, adding, “It was an entirely an end-of-the relationship decision. It had run its course.”

So where does that leave us? It was a mutual split, like last time. It was also amicable, like last time. There was no talk about Jude's cheating, but there will be when Sienna resorts to her usual behavior, like last time. Jude will continue to hover around Hollywood as a B Lister supporting actor with potential, like before. Sienna will probably continue to make herself unwelcome where ever she goes, like she always does. If this whole sad sorry mess proves anything it's that some people don't learn from their mistakes. So don't be too surprised if they eventually get back together again, for another stab at things before another break up. So we'll be hearing more aboutt hem again, Which is a pity. Just because some people don't learn from their mistakes is no reason why the rest of us should go on hearing about it!