Full House and in the family way!

Lindsay Lohan doesn't understand why she is a target. She has a point. There are actresses way more fucked up than her. Like former Full House child star Jodie Sweetin. Not much became of Sweetin after she moved out and moved on from the Tanner residence. That is until she burst onto the pages of the National Enquirer. A sad story it was too.

It seems that Ms. Sweetin married a scuzz bag. By scuzz bag I mean that he'd need gene therapy to become slime. His name is Cody Helpin, and he's a drug addict with less sex appeal and way more tattoos than any of Jesse James B team.

Cody and Jodie went on to struggle together with marriage and substance addiction. For her part Jodie stupidly squander over $250 000 on drugs and tattoos. For his part Cody had to stand by and watch as Jodie nearly OD'd, and spent hours in convulsions. So it's clear who the victim is. If you need any more clues Cody refused to take Jodie to an ER during her near fatal overdose. He was far too concerned that his wife's minimal fame might make her near death experience image damaging or something.

Cody & Jodie had more in common than drugs, sex, and brain damage. They popped out some kids along the way. That came in handy during their inevitable divorce (inevitable is such a strong word. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were as likely to OD together). It gave them something else to keep fighting over. Cody insisted that Jodie was a drugged out ho'bag unfit to water plants much less raise kids. Jodie insisted that Cody had worked his magic on her impressionable mind - perhaps like Bobby Brown had on Whitney Houston - and got her hooked on dope so that she would use her money to support his habit, instead of her own. No one said that druggies are master strategists.

Jodie went on to state that she was now in recovery and living out the American Dream: a second chance! So she was far to focused on herself to ever jeopardizes her dreams by being a bad mom to her kids. Greed is good as some one once said in a flick. Well the case got kicked back and forth - custody issues that is. The divorce was already a done deal. He who had the kids had the money and money would come in handy while moving forward in a more positive direction.

Jodie wasted no time in grabbing onto her second chance. She got herself married up to a fine young feller named Morty Coyle. They've only been seeing each other for about a year, but they must have liked what they saw 'cause Jodie has once again jumped impulsively in head first. By that I mean that she's got herself knocked up by her young man. The couple have announced through Jodie's publicist that the pair are expecting a baby which is due this year. So let's hope that history doesn't repeat it's self and that Jodie isn't making some awful drug addled mistake that will play out in the tabloid headlines. I'm an optimist so I like to see that glass as half full. What it's half full of is another question!

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Freaky Friday

livin' la vida Lohan

Lindsay Lohan has had her brushes with the law. In fact she's still on probation for a DUI. That charge got batted around the system for awhile until last year Judge Marsha Revel made it clear to La Lohan that something has to be done about the drinking and driving. Revel ordered Lohan into a alcohol awareness type program (Lindsay is already aware of alcohol - maybe even hyper aware). To drive the point home the judge ordered Lindz to attend once every 7 days.

sweet land of liberty

Now the American legal system is riddled with loop hole - as FOX News loves to point out. Sometimes they allow lesbian pink gun gangs to terrorize fit young men as if they were all in a Monty Python sketch. Sometimes they allow confessed cocaine addicts to escape prosecution,go on to become president, and then plunge their country into war & economic chaos. This time they've allowed Lindsay the leeway she needs to continue her desperate party lifestyle.

to consistent to be reliable

The flaw in the system this time lay with the school (the other weak link in the Great Society). While Lindsay must attend her alcohol program once a week as per judges orders. the school is only required to report her if she misses 21 days. So guess what happens. Lindz skips 2 classes regular as clock work, and shows up on the 21st. Lindsay may have complied with the school's requirements, but defied the judge's.

what we are dealing with here is a total lack of respect for the law

Naturally this sort of thing can not be tolerated. It's especially intolerable when the courts somehow manage to find out (the court system is extremely over worked - probably from being backed up with repeat celebrity offenders). In fact the judge may have suspected something like this would happen, because she stipulated that if Lohan didn't comply she would go off to jail with no ifs, ands, or buts about it!

half fool

Now Lindsay has another hearing coming up on May 20th. So all this information is bound to come out. Lindsay's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, is optimistic. He says "We have received no negative written report from the program and contend Ms. Lohan is therefore in compliance." Some see the glass as half full and others half empty - but does this guy even see the glass? Then again Lindz has had a good track record where sentencing has been concerned. So who knows whether she's finally run out of luck.

Besides, if Lindz does get some jail time it will make her # 1 admirer Dr. Drew Pinsky happy. Plus it will but her felonious father Michael Lohan one step closer to that conservatorship he dreams of. So that's a win - win situation. For everyone except perhaps Lindsay. Hang in there kid!

Pretty Woman People's Most Beautiful

You know how they say that you shouldn't believe everything that you read (unless it's posted on the Internet in which case you shouldn't believe any of it!)? Well People Mag has unveiled their annual Most Beautiful list and Julia Roberts tops it. Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox seem to be missing.

Now I could buy Halle Berry but Roberts? Don't get me wrong because Julia is a 'handsome' woman. However she looks like she might be more likely to win the Kentucky Derby than top a Most Beautiful list (On that thought if Julia did enter the Kentucky Derby her hubs Danny Moder might be the one to jockey her across the finish line. Riding her regularly has helped his surfing enormously)! If they were gonna choose Roberts than why not give the cover to Sandra Bullock (the Bette Davis to Roberts' Joan Crawford)? There's a lot of public interest in Sandy right now. Plus Ms. Sandy could probably use a self esteem boost. Now here are some friendly gossips to fill you in by way of a short video clip.


Justin Bieber made the list. I guess that a People asst editor probably heard some buzz about him, possibly from a teen aged daughter, and so stuck him in there to appear relevant. They needn't have bothered. Bieber's fans don't buy People.



This explains why Megan Fox was moping around lately (previous post). When I saw the pix I thought that Meggers might have gone on the meth like Lindsay Lohan. Perhaps she just found out that she didn't make the list. That was the end for the B Sharps on the Simpsons.



It's unknown what possessed People to put Roberts on their cover - LSD in the water cooler maybe. Then again it might have something to do with the "backlash" against cosmetic surgery!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Don't worry about authenticity - focus on credibility if you want to make it

That leads to the Wondertrash thought of the day: It pays to seem natural, or as they say in the land of make believe "Sincerity, when you can fake that you've got it made". They might have spelled out what 'it' is, and given some useful advice about what to do with 'it' once you've got it. Sandra Bullock for one might need to know that!

Sandra Bullock can take consolation in one thing and that is that change is the only constant. To emphasize that lets take a look at an old episode of the Simpsons and the man Mel Gibson used to seem to be.



It's still hell being Mel, only it's a whole different kind of hell. The more things change the more they stay the same.

Megan Fox looks shiteous

Megan Fox has a reputation as being the hottest woman on the planet. Her dance card is booked up solid too. Despite the disappointing performance of Jennifer's Body at the box office, Meggers has a movie opening soon - Jonah Hex, and more on the way - Transformers part 13 or something. Michael Bay is looking to retire off of her.

Well Megan might be pushing herself too hard 'cause some recent photographs of her show the actress as looking less than her white hot self. Just have a gander at the following pix courtesy of Amy Grindhouse:



Just in case you think that was an isolated occurrence then just clap your peepers onto this by way of All About Hollywood:



Poor Meggers looks like something that the cat dragged in! Maybe she looks more like the Roadrunner after the coyote caught up with her. In fact she looks rough, Lindsay Lohan rough. Now Lohan took years to get herself into that state and used many illicit chemicals along the way, but what's eating Megan? Maybe she's just over booked herself with film roles. Could fame and fortune be as bad as they say?

Let's give them something to talk about

Bullock adopts baby

When scandal strikes a celebrity the resulting media frenzy is usually unavoidable. When stars spin into damage control mode it's often like swallowing the spider to catch the fly. Like when Tom Cruise tried to prove that he wasn't gay by jumping off of Oprah Winfrey's couch in front of a live studio audience. "There you see! Would a gay guy do that?" He moved from an object of speculation to a joke before his feet touched the carpet. Mel Gibson didn't improve his image as a drunken, temperamental bigot by knocking up a Russian pianist. He did mess up his 29 year marriage.

When bombshells explode

So when Sandra Bullock's marriage exploded in a maelstrom of hookers, tattoos, and Hitler memorabilia shortly (8 days - there's a movie script int here. You call the film 8 Days and it follows an actress/actor from her Oscar win to the end of her life as she knew it) after her Oscar win, she had limited options. She could make a brief statement and move on, like David Letterman. She could go into hiding until this whole thing blows over like Chris Bale did after his rant hit youtube, or as Russell Crowe frequently does when his temper acts up. Or she could take a leaf from the Book of Law!

Hey Jude

Jude Law got into a minor skirmish with a pap gal while coming out of a London club at 3 AM a while back. The media thought that they smelled blood because smacking a bitch just ain't kosher. Chris Brown and Rihanna were still on folks minds. The chick claimed that she was gonna sue and the story kept growing. Jude probably thought that he was gonna be the next Hugh Grant. Then a chick he casually knew back in the states claimed he knocked her up and that's all anyone could talk about - case closed.

Where's Sandy?

Sandra tried keeping a low profile, She even ordered Jesse into a special hi security rehab facility, to make sure that he didn't make matters worse. However the story was developing a life of it's own. More women were coming out of the wood work by the week, and they were too dang interesting to leave alone. Only Tiger Woods entry into the Masters provided Sandy with a brief respite. So it was time for plan 2 & 3.

Unto you a son is given - It's a wonderful life

Sandy has unveiled plan 2 & 3 on the cover of People. She has adopted a baby from New Orleans. So she gets props for doing something about that dreadful post flood situation (it's the thought that counts - whatever she might have been thinking). The child is called Louis Bardo Bullock. Sandy explains that when she first clapped eyes on the tot Louis Armstrong's It's A Wonderful World was playing. Now this sort of thing worked for Eric Dane after his 'sex' tape, though he didn't throw in the musical reference.

What a coincidence, parenthetically speaking

She also gave some explanations. She said that she began the adoption process 3 months before the Academy Awards, but didn't want to tell anyone. She wanted me time with the tyke. Understandable because with all of her pre Oscar preparations her time would've been severely limited. Besides if she'd announced it pre Oscar it would've been seen as a cynical attempt to sway the Academy through publicity, rather than a cynical attempt to salvage her image. She also announced that she's filed for divorce and will be raising her beautiful new baby as a single mom.

The woman who has everything is finding it a bit too much

Now people love babies. So this should give everyone something else to talk about. It will even give them something positive to say about Sandy! So the bases have been covered. However dragging a baby into the middle of this mess is questionable. Maybe she should've opted for something less extreme, like a fabulous new Summer hairstyle! Then again if Sandy was capable of being less extreme then she wouldn't be a celebrity, and Sandy is so much of a celebrity that she's gotten awards for it! BTW Sandy the Razzie people still want that statue back.

Louis, Louis

Thought Sandy is wearing her broadest smile the child looks a bit doubtful. Oh yeah and the Sandra Bullock sex tape is still not happening.

Boycott the circus!

... but send in the clowns

Entertainment is full of aspiring actresses trying to find the side door to success by way of dubious career choices. This route is usually an express lane to no where, but occasionally it takes you onto the fast lane, as in the case of Olivia Munn. Olivia is best known for an internet podcast called Attack of the Show. It's funny. clever and less popular than The Young Turks. The main job perk was getting swag when stuff got reviewed.

wrong turn onto the fast lane

Then, one day and quite by accident Olivia pinged on the radar. AOTS did a Wonder Woman sketch featuring Olivia. The combination of a fresh faced cute chick in cosplay gear fired young men's imaginations and Olivia had ingredient one for a breakthrough - buzz. Soon she was to find herself in Maxim's Top 100 - at 98 or 99. Pretty good for a nobody. That must've been the time that the movie offers started in because Olivia is currently wrapping one movie and set to play the Wasp in an upcoming Batman! Nice work if you can get it.

ego trips and other occupational hazards

Well plumb rolls are only part of the whole celebrity trip. There's also the hype. Olivia should be an expert on this, having worked in the media, but she's not. In fact she recently let ambition get the better of good sense - an occupational hazard with celebrities, when she attended a PETA function.

cause celeb

PETA is one of those cause celebs. Actors and actresses used to get involved to add some credibility to their image, back when PETA had some credibility. Then PETA tried to gain a higher profile by attacking a group that knows more about hype than they do - the fashion industry. They began dumping sacks of flour over any famous person they caught in animal skins, like Lindsay Lohan.

fashion fights back

PETA would've fared better if they'd concentrated on the east coast seal hunt or something because the fashion industry began using their media contacts to fight back. Reports came out about PETA's 'insincerity': they euthanize over 98% of animals in their care - and explained that one by saying that they're not about animals but about raising consciousness and issues. Some of their workers also got caught stuffing bags of dead cats into dumpsters. PETA responded with their George Clooney flavored tofu media blitz!

you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs

Now that doesn't stop PETA from acting like they still have credibility, nor does it stop junior glitterati (D Listers) from glomming on to them. Eager young d listers might have learned from Pamela Anderson who attached herself to PETA for years. When the chips were down though she had to give them a rest and go back to dropping her drawers and flashing her boobs in public to make a living. Pam is also celebrating her new fragrance which may or may not be animal tested.

failure is not an option, only an inevitablity

Just because something doesn't work is no reason not to give it a chance - unless you're interested in results or anything. Perhaps that's why Ms. Munn recently doffed her duds for PETA (in their ironically entitled "Boycott the circus" campaign) in an attempt to scale the heady heights of the entertainment industry. She even appeared nude (rather than naked: one shows everything while the other reveals nothing) in one of their adds.

old enough to know better, but young enough o keep trying

Fine and well. You can forgive a young actress for not knowing better - about PETA I mean, dropping your drawers in a good cause is okay. Well Olivia added one mistake to another by continuing to let ambition get the better of poor judgment. She showed up at their event to hype her poster wearing of all things leather boots! Here are some pix by way of celeblog Oh No They Didn't:

the wheel is crooked and it's the only show in town

Those little things are bound to be picked up on and especially when there are a thousand or so cameras pointed at you. When asked whether the shoes were leather Olivia responded "No they're not". PETA tried - unsuccessfully - for a little more finesse. They pointed out in their official release on the incident that it wasn't an anti leather campaign! Quit right. It was an anti circus campaign, and PETA is part of the biggest circus in town, the entertainment industry. I wonder when people will get around to boycotting that?




Entertainment ain't the only fucked up business. Just hit the link for the Goldman Sacks hearings. If that's too much then divert yourself with the following celebrity rogues' gallery:

Celebrities

Britney Spears

Kim Kardashian

Heidi Montag

Zac Efron

Vanessa Hudgens

Miley Cyrus

Spencer Pratt

Robert Pattinson

Adam Lambert

Taylor Lautner

Taylor Swift

Kate Gosselin

Crystal Bowersox

Michelle McGee

Liam Hemsworth

Ali Fedotowsky

Erin Andrews Gets Flustered

Erin Andrews has her problems, what with peep hole videos and deranged stalkers following around threatening to throw acid in her beautiful face. That hasn't stopped her from showing her face in public. She's signed on with Dancing With The Stars, and brought her security detail with her. She also insists that she's in it to win it - despite having to work under tons of pressure. Just 'cause she doesn't scare easily doesn't mean that the fair Ms. Andrews isn't capable of getting flustered though.

In the following video clip Erin stops by the Jimmy Kimmel Show to talk about dancing, death, and to have her cage rattled. It's the celebrity experience in encapsulated in a nut shell!


So they didn't talk about death. They spoke of sex and that's close enough. Jimbo also had a Bible handy (who'd have thunk it?) to put Erin on the spot. One would believe that Jimbo had little faith in Ms Andrew's veracity. Maybe he just enjoyed watching her squirm for wiggle room. I'm sure the audience did.

To give Kimmel the benefit of the doubt I'm sure that he hears more bullshit than a bartender at closing time over the course of his show. Assuming that every celebrity is a sociopathic liar would be cynical. Dragging the Bible into it just makes folks uncomfortable. Erin jumped at the sight of the Good Book like Dracula at garlic. Has she gone Faustian, or is she a full blown Morlock? Jimmy might've saved her much embarrassment if he'd watch the following short video about how to spot a liar! It might also help liars out there avoid getting caught. When people take to playing games with each other, it helps if everyone is playing by the same rules & the same play book. Have fun!

Julie Couillard is back in the news

Before Jaffer there was Couillard

Remember Julie Couillard? She was involved in one of Canadian politics more interesting scandals. Usually Canadian politics scandal is about some bureaucratic jargon like perog'ing parliament. This time it was of Jesse James proportions!

feral cabinet minister

Ms. Couillard is a hot mamma who runs a business and who used to hang with tough French Canadian bikers. What makes her notable rather than merely distinctive is that her boyfriend at the time was former Conservative Federal cabinet minister Maxime Bernier. Couillarfd is more than a pretty face. She's got great tits too. Bernier was fond of dressing her up in revealing dresses, and flaunting her at get togethers while treating her like some dumb boob for brains bimbo. He also liked staying over at her place whenever possible.

Weekend at Bernier's

This is where the scenario goes from eye brow raising to scandalous. Bernier was in a rush to get to Couillard after a long day of going over top secret documents. Rather than let official business cut into his fuck time, Bernier took classified documents out of the office and into Couillard's apartment. It's probably done all the time. No one will know either unless you do something stupid. So something stupid Bernier did.

For Your Eyes Only

After doing whatever he did with Couillard, he rushed back to the office. He was in such a rush that he left top secret papers behind in the biker chick's flat. Now Bernier discovered his mistake and called Couillard about it. This proved to be a mistake since the Mounties were bugging Couillard's phone. She did have biker connections after all.

Though we hate to lose you you've really got to go

So Bernier's little indiscretion got onto tape. Prime Minister Steven Harper was informer, but dragged his heels on the matter. Bernier was a popular Quebec cabinet minister, and Prime Ministers need Quebec to win elections. So Harper was reluctant to take the dilemma by the horns. Events would make that decision for Mr Harper. Somehow and no one is sure how the press got wind of the tapes. They made the expected stink over a juicy story. Pictures of Ms Couillard busting out of a halter top type blouse made the rounds, Harper hummed and hawed, while some said Couillard herself engineered thinks to pay Bernier back for treating her like some cheap floozy side piece of a joke. Naturally Bernier had to go, eventually.

'Ugh! Generalise.'

There have been some major scandals since then. Most recently Helena Guergis and her felonious Rafaello Follieri type husband Rahim Nizar Jaffer. Guergis was also a cabinet minister in Harper's govt. Her hubs was a former MP who lost his position after a driving charge involving cocaine. Since he was connected that got reduced to a misdemeanor with the coke charged getting thrown out. It's not what you know it's who you know, you know? However it cost him his job and put his wife under extra pressure.

'Low-paid, sunny fall.'

While Helena slowly and painful stewed Rahim continued to live it up. He partied with shifty businessmen from whom he tried to elicit money for influence. He plied them with more coke while in the company of sleazy strippers. All the while he promised them that through his wife he had access to the PMO, and all it's influence, like no one else. To emphasize this he e mailed prospective clients from his wife official blackberry. The stress got to Guergis, who even had a hissy fit while passing through PEI. When briefly detained at the PEI airport she flipped out, and referred to the province as a God forsaken hell hole! She would soon lose her seat following that.

'O Dear Me! Mad fussiness.'

As if to remind the media that the Harper govt has had these sort of scandals before Couillard has once again resurfaced. This time one of her dresses, made infamous during the scandal by being featured in photos, has gone on the auction block. It has not only brought back painful memories for Harper & Bernier, but it raised $1000 too! Just take a look see at the following video on that! With an election around the corner it couldn't have happened at a worse time.


It's good she can see the humor in the whole affair. Maybe that think could go on display with Monica Lewinsky's Clinton spattered blue number? Let it be a lesson to politicos everywhere - never leaves your documents, or your DNA, lying around, and make sure your assets are covered! Or you can kiss your assets good by, or au reviour as Mme. Couillard might say.

Dr Drew reaches out to Lindsay Lohan again

For the love of Lindsay: Creepy rehab doctor continues to stalk young actress

Lindsay Lohan has her problems. She's got some pretty well known substance issues, her career is stalled and her felonious father Michael appears to be trying to gaslight her. He's got 'paparazzi friends' following her around, plus he had the cops called on her. His pretext was concern about his daughter Allie, who's living with Lindsay.

Michael Lohan gets an idea

He probably assumed that once the police got through the door they'd find enough evidence around the house to haul Lindsay's ass off to jail. He was saving them the trouble of a search warrant. Of course this is part of his master plan to gain conservatorship over the unemployed actress, and hence financial control. That Michael Lohan is always thinking big! It's what got him where he is today.

Pinsky gets all stanky

Now if all that wasn't enough to drive a girl right round the bend, poor Lindsay has Dr Drew Pinsky meddling in her affairs. Dr Drew made some comments about Lindsay back when he was getting his Celebrity Rehab underway on VH1. Since Dr Drew both is a doctor, and plays one on TV, he felt doubly entitled to tell Lindsay what her problem is. Lindsay pointed out, via her medium of choice - Twitter, that real doctors diagnose their patients in offices after an examination, not on TV in front of an audience. Though she had him there it didn't shut him up.

Marcus Welby he ain't - be glad he's not your doctor

Dr Drew smelled blood in the water and cared enough about the young actress's welfare to try and cash in on her misfortunes. It might have been hoped that he'd eventually move on to something else - like the rash of premature deaths in pro wrestling. Wrastling Rehab would have to be a goldmine concept for a man like Dr Drew. However he's remained fixated on Ms. Lohan like a pit bull with lock jaw, and has basically hounded her through the media.

"Why doesn't Lindsay Like Me?"

Well now Dr Drew is ready to make nice. He's not ready to apologize to Ms Lohan for perhaps contributing to her condition (his periodic media harassment of the girl couldn't have helped). That would be a bit much to expect from him. However he is saying that he does want to end the 'feud' with her. He's 'reaching out'. He also wants Lindsay to get some proper treatment. After having watched a few episodes of CR, I shudder to think what Dr Drew's idea of proper treatment might be. Perhaps locking the poor girl up for a group intensive with Jeff Conaway and Tom Sizemore. It might not do Lindsay any good, nor Tom & Jeff either; but just think of those ratings!

Video: "I didn't say nothing about no frame up!"

Dr Strangelove crosses the line again

"I don't condone frame ups, officially - wink, wink" kinda helps you figure out how so many athletes get performance enhancing drugs unofficially. Caring about someone works as an excuse for framing them up? As long as you don't get caught I guess, or you might have a a whole other can of worms to deal with. BTW what's with the "poor Michael Lohan" thing? Is Dr Drew trying to flush whatever is left of his credibility - and that's not much - down the crapper faster than you can say "Dr Phil visits Britney Spears"? Dr Drew reality TV is truly your medium and that's no compliment.

Feelings, nothing more than feelings

Follywood is full to bursting with high profile fuck ups like Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson, Jesse James, etc. So why would a middle aged Dr become so fixated on an attractive and desperate 23 year old? It's as if he's fallen love with the young woman, and wants to get his clutches on her or something. Now that couldn't be because Dr Drew is just too much of a professional for that - it's why he has the show on the TV! Just in case here's a little torch song dedication for the dirty old pervert and his creepy unrequited love of Lindsay!

Feely Dan

Remember, Dr Drew, to keep your paws of Miley Cyrus or her dad Billy Ray will bust you up good. That is unless you can help her career in some unlikely way - then come on over for a beer and watch her dance around her stripper pole!

Pop culture can teach us many things, other than to beware of TV shrinks. For instance in the following short video clip from What's My Line, classic funny man Jerry Lewis demonstrates that many questions can not be adequately answered with 'yes' or 'no'. So let's take a look and see what wisdom can be gleaned from Jerry's none responsiveness.



The man was truly a laughter magnet. Straight questions become screw ball pitches almost as if it was planned that way! Of course, as Marshall McLuhan has pointed out the 50's were a visual age. So once the blindfolds went on the panel immediately went deaf. Then again even Dr. Drew Pinsky would be hard pressed to get sense out of a joker of that caliber!

Naomi Campbell hits cameraman during interview

Another occurrence of Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell is a knock out. By that I mean that she's not only great looking, but she has her issues. Those issues have been well documented in a long list of assault charges. Over the years the erratic supermodel has beaten and battered numerous people including several of her personal staff, and a drug counselor.

Her last known out burst was when she turned on a limo driver. He was an employee of her Russian billionaire boyfriend. Naomi suspected that her married boyfriend might be two timing her with some one other than his wife. While trying to pump the driver for info she became frustrated and her notoriously short fuse burned out. She whacked the hapless chap in the back of the noggin with her cell phone. When he threatened to call the cops on her she panicked, jumped out of the limo, and ran at large through the streets of New York City. NYC has trouble enough and doesn't need Naomi running loose through their streets.

Now the limo driver did report the assault, but later backed down. He went on record saying that Naomi never hit him, and that he blew the incident out of proportion. Then he apologized to Ms. Campbell for getting in the way of her cell phone with his big clumsy head. People wondered what the fuck was up with this, but since his employer is Campbell's boyfriend, and his married to some one else, he probably pressured the guy to clam up and keep the story out of the press.

Well fiery Naomi has lashed out once again. This time she was being interviewed when something went down that she didn't like. In the following video clip you can watch Naomi get up to leave the interview, and take a swipe at the cameraman on her way out. Just take a look see for yourselves!


Some might think that Naomi's violent outbursts are getting a little stale by now. Some fresh material might be nice, to break the monotony (about the only thing that Campbell hasn't broken). If she could come up with a sex tape, a DUI, or a stint in Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab, it might add a little variety to those periodic outbursts! On the other hand isn't it reassuring to know that in this ever changing world somethings remain relentlessly the same. So here's to Naomi; may the hits keep on coming!

Now a little more on Naomi Campbell and scandal of the blood diamond vairety.

Celebrity DUI

Everyone knows about John Edwards sleazy love life. Now it appears that the disgraced Democratic presidential contender has even more skeletons rattling away in his closet. The sleazy politician was picked up for a DUI in North Carolina, back in March as his whole love child scandal was breaking. Now to clarify John Boy wasn't driving, though he was thoroughly stewed. He was the passenger in a car being driven (for lack of a better term) by an 'unidentified' female. She was at least as drunk, cause she was swerving around a lot. So the cops pulled them over.

Turns out that John and his mystery date had been chugging back the vino after a night of high spirits (& wine) at a local bar. Edwards got concerned about negative publicity, so used his dubious charm and considerable influence to have everything hushed up. He was probably still thinking about his political future. He shouldn't have bothered. With the National Enquirer in hot pursuit of their Pulitzer nominated story, he wouldn't have very much of a political future. Look on the bright side Johnny. At least you ain't Blago!

In other news David Hasselhoff's ex wife Pamela Bach is spending 90 days in jail. It seems that Ms. Bach has been attending the Heather Locklear Driving School. In other words she got DUI'd. Now Pam has been in that kind of trouble before. BAck in November she got herself DUI'd and sentenced to 30 days. However Pamela was already on probation from a previous DUI. So she was in violation. That means she gets a whopping 90 days in the pokey this time. Bach will begin serving her sentence in May 2nd, and will lose her license for 2 years.

Tom Cruise is in the news

Wondertrash - chewing the fat through thick & thin

It depends what you mean by gay...

The National Enquirer has a provocative cover this week. While the issue contains no definitive proof that Tom Cruise is now or ever has been gay, it does take aim at Sci, based on a new book by defector Amy Scobee. First Scobee tackles the gay rumors, claiming that they were made up by imprisoned Hollywood PI Anthony Pellicano. According to Scobee, Pellicano was in the habit of making up rumors about his celeb clientele and then running to them with offers to fix the problem.

... and by lies!

The new book says that the gay rumors really broke Tom up. He even had to have a heart to heart with Katie Holmes about them. Tom confided his secret anguish to the lady in his life. He told Ms. Cruise that the gay talk was "a pack of lies". Katie was shocked and had never heard the stories. I had no idea Dawson's Creek was so far off the beaten path! It must be up in Alaska or something.

High on life, and on auditing

Worse still were the drug rumors. Tom feels that his image was tainted by the stories (though nowadays his image is tainted by much worse). Now the drug rumors are supported in the book. Scobee claims that auditors regularly spill their guts about what goes on in sessions, especially if anything interesting gets dredged up. This goes on to be in church gossip of the Mrs. Rev. Lovejoy variety. According to Scobee she got it from a very high source (David Miscavige's wife Shelly) that Tom was turned down for Seeorg due to past drug use. Ms Miscavidge goes on to say that pot or coke wouldn't be enough to disqualify you.

The walls have ears and the spies have eyes

Shelly had even more to say to Scobee. Ms Miscavige at one point confessed that there was a gay sex tape on the loose featuring one of the Church's most prominent spokespersons. Now that's not necessarily Tom. John Travolta does a lot of work for Sci, and has been known to enjoy a kiss on the mouth from attractive men, who are often in his employ! Anyway Shelly gets herself all upset and finally exclaims "we had to do something about that man!" Scientology regards homosexuality as a disease, like alcoholism or Tourette's Syndrome.

may the force be with you

The plot thickens. Scobee goes on to reveal that everyone in Tom Cruise's household, from the lord chamberlain down to the court jester, is also working for Miscavige as spies. Naturally the staff reports back to Darth Vader, who is their real boss of bosses. As a result Davey Boy knows everything about everything about the Cruise's.

To boldly go

No question that Tom is a star in the Scientology galaxy. His former auditor Mark Rathbun, has become officially the second highest person in the organization (de jure that is, Tom is de facto). Mark was even assigned the touchy Nicole Kidman situation. Apparently Miscavige was no fan of Nicole and made Rathbun point man on the divorce, to get it done. Well no organized religion is all bad. Rathbun has confirmed this in his own words (as written for him by David Miscavige - we know that no one in Scientology would break wind without his permission): “in 2001 through 2003 Miscavige personally assigned me as Inspector General RTC – the second highest ecclesiastical position in the religion – to coordinate Tom’s divorce from Nicole and to serve as his auditor.”

very interesting

So it seems like Ms. Scobee's book is gonna be even more interesting than Kitty Kelley's Oprah bio. Now the book is called Scientology: Abuse at the Top. You might want to keep a look out for it at your local bookstore. Meanwhile here are some more interesting related links:

Anthony Pellicano

Tom Cruise’s lawyer has responded

confessions

Charlie does Klinger

Meanwhile it looks like Charlie Sheen has managed to get clear of his drug addicted wife Brooke Mueller, and without the help of David Miscavige! The pair were back and forth following their Christmas Day altercation. An impasse had developed where Charlie wanted Brooke to drop the charges and go away, while Brooke wanted to stay around and help Charlie collect his $20 mill.

Joke's on Brooke

Sometimes the best way out of a stalemate is not an ultimatum but a good old fashioned game of chicken. Charlie started saying that he was gonna quit 2 1/2 Men cause he no longer gave a damn. Bye bye $20 mill! Then he shaved his head and started walking around in pajama bottoms to show he was crazy enough to mean it. He even posed for paparazzi while holding up his InTouch issue entitled Dumbest Disguise Ever. He was grinning ear to ear.

Do short cuts get you anywhere in the long run?

Brooke probably couldn't take the embarrassment any more. A genuine sense of humor is always worrying to earnest game players. So much so that it's often mistaken for insanity. Soulless Morlocks just don't get humor - their minds are too tactical. Fortunately this got clued up before Chuck started wearing dresses and bed wetting and then talking to TMZ about it.

Reverse spin = no spin? Is spin in the eyes of the beholder?

Now a South Park update. As you'll recall the producers got themselves into some hot water with another swipe at organized religion. Now FOX News (Is "FOX News" becoming oxymoronic? That's a step up from moronic I guess) has come to their defense, sort of. FOX has not so much come to their defense, or even the defense of free speech in general, as they have taken the opportunity to make a point about their favorite pet peeve - liberals. It is FOX, so you know what to expect.

5 Films With Brooke Shields

Brooke Shields has been in a few films over the years. She's in a new one called furry vengeance. She's also seen a few flicks over the years. Not surprisingly she has a few favorites. Here's Brooke talking about her 5 faves and why she likes 'em.



I like the way she picked Hurt Locker. Kissing up to the hot director de jour shows that she's still in the game! Hopefully the tactic won't backfire. Bigelow may have won the Oscar but Cameron is making the money. In Follywood cash is king, and that's the bottom line. It's hard to ego trip when you don't have the price of a ticket.

While we're on the honor roll trip, JLo has been named Style Icon of the Decade.



Paris Hilton says that they're are a lot of crazy people in Follywood these days, so stay focused. That's exactly what's said right here on Wondertrash, except for the stay focused part. That doesn't sound like Wondertrash - Wondertrash ain't about goals!

Speaking of crazy people staying focused, South Park creators are in a whole heap of trouble after taking a swipe at Islam. Some extremists types don't take it as apathetically kindly as Christians, Jews, Buddhists, etc (Although history as show man is capable of turning any belief system into an excuse for blood letting. Human nature needs to add some excitement to all the religious stuff!). Islam is a relatively young religion, and still has some excess energy to burn off.


Nice ending - promising to be back next week. It makes such a refreshing change from "to be continued". A change is as good as a rest they say.

ON that note there are rumors swirling around that George Clooney is engaged or something.



What could've gotten into Big George? Maybe he's afraid of dying alone. That makes the big sissy a little quitter with no heart for the game. I'd say reality might be starting to set in, but it seems more like George got the facts straight and still missed the point.

Monsters Inc.

The creators of South Park have rushed in where angels would fear to tread. They had a big episode planned in which they intended the to portray the Prophet Mohamed (Peace be upon him - for our Muslim readers) in a bear costume. The segment never made it to air. Wiser heads prevailed, and the segment was pulled. Those death threats may have had something to do with it. A fatwa may boost the show's ratings.

A fatwa did wonders for Salman Rushdie and the Satanic Verses. I'm told it was a mediocre book and otherwise uninteresting, but bagged a bunch of awards on basically a political angle - like Aleksandr Isayevich Solzhenitsyn/Алекса́ндр Иса́евич Солжени́цын and his Gulag Archipelago. Except that Solzhenitsyn was actually a very good writer! He bagged a Nobel Lit Prize for that back in the days when the USA was trying to embarrass the commies on the world stage. That strategy backfired since Solzhenitsyn had gone religious during his imprisonment, and took the opportunity to decry the materialistic West. "At least in Russia we have oppression. Here you have nothing!"

It also badly backfired with chess prodigy Bobby Fischer. The powers that be thought he would be the ideal instrument to beat the commies at their own game. However Bobby went mad from pressure, or possibly KGB microwaves beamed into his dental fillings. He died in Iceland still talking about how happy he was that 911 had happened, and polishing his tin foil hat.

As for Salman, he is married to Padma Lakshmi, so politics does have it's perks! In the long term it might be a bad career plan for Matt Stone and Trey Parker, especially if they got killed or something. This ain't FOX News you're dealing with, although FOX has racked up their own fatalities - Dr Tiller "the Baby Killer".

Speaking of trouble accused sex offender and esteemed director Roman Polanski is one step closer to a long anticipated return tot he land of the free - but not for any life time achievement award. A California appeals court has throw out his appeal to get his statutory rape charge dismissed.

Polanski shouldn't have relied on appeals, since he's not very appealing. Charles Grodin, who worked with him on Rosemary's Baby described him as an asshole. They had a disagreement over a scene in the film. Grodin, as the doctor, has to give Rosemary some unusual news. Grodin paused before delivering his line, since it seemed the reasonable thing to do. Polanski insisted on redoing the scene with no pause, explaining that he was paid big money to direct films. Grodin went on to reveal that Polanski irked others on the set. Apparently John Cassavetes wanted to haul off and deck the little pervert. Sounds like someone is losing the support of the Hollywood community!

There's another Muppet Movie on the way. Now you might think that a Muppet Movie in this day and age wouldn't stand a snow balls chance in hell. Especially without Jim Henson - the prime creative force behind the popular puppets. The Muppets aren't worried about that, they have an ace in the hole. They have a new character named Walter or something. Unless Walter is gay, or insults the Prophet Mohamed, I think that the film might not generate enough interest. Also I hear that Jennifer Lopez may be playing the role of Miss Piggy, with Marc Anthony as poor hen pecked Kermit. That might be worth a look see, especially if JLO delivers the dreaded karate chop to her husband! Hiyaaaa!