Johnny Depp & Tim Burton

Johnny Depp and Tim Burton have a long career working together. They also have a new movie coming out called Alice in Wonderland. Here they are now, together, talking about stuff, and to some guy called Jonathan Ross.

Cameron Douglas Blames Fame

Michael Douglas oldest son Cameron is in deep shit. He was busted in a drug sting at the Gansevoort Hotel in NYC trying to sell $18 000 in methamphetamine to an undercover cop. Not content with that kind of trouble he then got his girlfriend to smuggling heroine to him through open court. Now he's looking at some very serious jail time. Not surprisingly Cameron Douglas defense attorney has an explanation for his client's behavior, and that is that it wasn't his fault.

According to Dan Gitner, the hired gun who'll be representing the younger Douglas in his trial, the poor lad never stood a chance in life because he was Michael Douglas' son.

"He didn't benefit from his celebrity. He was hurt by it in a variety of ways, including ways in this case. He has been sort of a reckless person since he was really young, endangering himself constantly. Not violent, just screwing up in every way - car accidents, motorcycle accidents, tattoos. I think a lot of it had to do with who his parents are."

Now you might think that this is leading up to the 'reality TV defense'. Fame is destructive and poor Cameron got a heavy dose at an early age. Not so, his lawyer has something else in mind. What they maintain is that his privileged position gave him a sense of entitlement, as if the normal rules didn't apply. He felt free to screw up because he knew that his father would be there to fix everything. Since this situation wasn't created by him, but was preexisting he can't be held responsible. Call it the accident of birth defense - "He's a Hollywood kid so what do you expect?"

The flaw in the argument is that a preexisting set of circumstances don't absolve a person of responsibility - since they are almost by definition responsible for how they 'respond' to those circumstances. By the same argument children of divorce, borken homes, etc could claim that their won behavior was predetermined by a set of prior conditions that they didn't choose. Ultimately it would be a get out of jail free card that could apply to everyone. After all, who asked to be born?

There is another theory, and that is that Mikey just isn't much of a father. He can't really be blamed for that since he too was burdened with a "preexisting condition". His father was Kirk Douglas and Kirk was the biggest prick in Hollywood in his day - which is saying something. So Michael came by selfishness and irresponsibility honestly. Mike became a drifter in his early 20's in part he says because of his won family situation. While his own brothers have had problems with drugs and the law, he adapted to the Hollywood life style, and became 'self preoccupied'.

While being interviewed about his son's misfortunes Michael described it as terrible and himself as being devastated. Then, in almost the same breath he went on to describe Viagra as a wonderful enhancement to life with Catherine Zeta Jones. The dirty old bugger's one track mind is beginning to wander in the same direction. Then again I think that Michael was always the sort of person to remain focused on the important things - what he wanted. Being exposed to that kind of selfishness might have made young Cameron feel nothing he did would make any real difference in his situation any way. Dad was gonna have it the way he wanted regardless of how that affected the rest of the world. He might as well let the bull run. Besides, I'm sure he knows that his Dad can take it. Life goes on, as long as the Viagra doesn't run out.

Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" Man? David Geffen!

Remember when Carly Simon had that hit "You're So Vain" and everyone tried to figure out who it was. The finger of suspicion finally landed on Warren Beatty since he was so vain he wouldn't get why the song wasn't about him. Even Warren Beaty figured that it sounded like him, since he called Carly to thank her for the lovely song. Later on in an interview he told a reporter "Let's stop kidding and face it, the song's about me." See, he still doesn't get it.

Well no one should be more surprised and disappointed than Warren himself to learn that the song really wasn't about him. It was about Simon's boss and sometime lover, the sometimes heterosexual David Geffen (That's right, you heard me - rock music is so gay). Carly wrote the song in a jealous fit when Geffen took up with rival Joni Mitchell, and began hyping her career at Carly's expense. If it's any consolation to the so vain Warren Beatty, Robert Wagner did almost shoot him over Natalie Wood (Robert Wagner and Warren Beatty are old geezers that your grandmas used to get wet over back in the days of Betty White, John Barrymore and Fred Flintstone). That's gotta be worth something.



Now from vain to hot with hot fact girl's hot TV babes.



Hot's a relative term since Liv Tyler gets the 'wondertrash position'.


Wondertrash Entertainment Trivia: They never said it! TV and movies are filled with things that though remembered clearly, were never said. For instance lines like "Play it again Sam", "Win one for the Gipper", "Beam me up" are famous one liners that were never actually said.

As an entertainment blogger I often asked about examples like these. Person repeats a line and then asks if it was ever actually said in film or on TV. I recently received one e mail from just such a reader who wanted to know if a throw away line he's been using for years was ever actually said as he remembers it. Well I'm sorry to inform the aforementioned e mailer that no Leo Gorcey never said "Yap, yap, yap! What are you mutts yappin' about?", neither as one of the Dead End Kids/Bowery Boys, nor in any other film/TV project. I guess this explains those bewildered looks you mentioned. Hope that I've been helpful.

PS. The reader might actually be thinking of James Cagney's "Yap, yap, yap, quit your yappin'!" in the grapefruit scene from Public Enemy.

There, you see!!!

Tiger Woods Loses Gatorade

It's a bad time to be Tiger Woods. His numerous mistresses have gone public and some are talking to lawyers. Now the silver lining in this is that the lawyer is Gloria Allred. She's a legal crank better known for suing the Boyscout of America and for making outrageous statements tot he press than she is for winning cases. However there's more bad news for Tiger and that bad news is even worse. Sponsors are dropping Woods like he was a hot potato. The latest lucrative contract to get voided is with Gatorade.



Now Gatorade does promise to restore energy. I guess that they don't want people to get the wrong idea, and expect to get too energetic. That level of energy would be hard to live up to. So creating those kind of expectations could only lead to disappointment. Maybe Tiger's people could work something out with the Viagra manufacturers? There has to be products Woods could still represent.

Reach for the Top

What's the point in scaling the summit if no one is there to watch you fall?

Celebrities have a real impulse to shoot for the stars. If their personal lives are any indication it sometimes seems like the stars have started shooting back. Still you have to look at it from the celebrities viewpoint: "Why be content where I am when I can miserable, though possibly better off, some where else?"

Try to be something special, just like everyone else!

It's easy to pick on entertainers for their over arching ambition, and the insecurities it is so deeply rooted in. They're not alone however. 'No one followed their demon until it mislead them' an old saying goes. Ironically for those seeking distinction, it's fairly commonplace to 'feel the need for speed', as the following short video clip demonstrates. Keep your eyes open for Wilie Coyote and his proud sponsors ACME.

fail & pwned or prisoners of gravity?

mocksure your parachute is fully loaded

If you can't be good be fast, if you can't be fast be first (if you can't even be first then be Wondertrash! It's the distinction of being last plus a honorable mention.), and most importantly make sure that your parachute has been properly packed!

Coming soon to the National Enquirer

It's America's Pultizer Prize nominated super market tabloid. Considering what masquerades as news, is it surprising when news masquerades as gossip?

Canadian Ladies Get Rowdy

American discovery of Canada continues

beer on ice

The Canadian Ladies Hockey Team celebrated their gold medal victory in style, by drinking beer and smoking cigars on the ice. Now that has some people in a bother, 'cause legal drinking age in Vancouver is 19, and some of the young women involved were 18. So some little tattletale or another (probably the person who took the pictures) decided to report them to the IOC. That lead to talks of an investigation, an apology from the rowdy ladies, and some amusing commentary by Jimmy Kimmel.

brew ha ha

From the ensuing uproar you'd think that the young ladies had been carrying on like a pack of Lindsay Lohans! It's not like they went on some alcoholic rampage: starting barroom brawls & followed up with a group trip to the tattoo parlor. If some Americans seem a little snarky about the Canadian Ladies' unladylike behavior, perhaps it's because they're beginning to doubt whether their men's team could take them. At least we've finally settled Billy Bob Thornton's "mashed potatoes" issue. Enough gravy for ya?



Remember to keep visiting Wondertrash - the alcohol fueled blog!

Clearly Canadian

As a Canadian celebrity blogger I receive 100's an maybe even 1000's of e mails daily asking me, "Is Canadian curling skip Cheryl Bernard the woman who used to play the lead in The Secrets of Isis?" I am happy to clarify this - "no" The woman who played Isis in the still beloved 1070's series (circa Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman) is Joanna Cameron. After starring as Isis she went on to do some film work - she directed and narrated films for the USAF. Nowadays she runs a hotel management firm in Hawaii. Cheryl Bernard is a Canadian Olympic athlete.




For even more outrageous celebrity gossip try CelebrityBitchslap!

Jude Law Backs Teen Effort to Fund Film

Celebrities usually get a hard time here at Wondertrash. Occasionally though a celebrity does something genuinely praiseworthy. Jude Law has taken time to support two young independent film makers. He's using his influence to help them get their project funded. It makes a refreshing change from celebrities who glom onto an already established cause in order to boost their own image. Who knows - perhaps Jude is backing this because he really believes that it's worth while.



Speaking of celebrities who glom onto causes, Johnny Depp is one of many celebrities supporting the West Memphis 3.

James Bond is in a cruel business

Pierce Brosnon has had a funny relationship with the James Bond franchise. They wanted him back during his Remington Steele days but NBC wouldn't let him out of his contract. Once Timothy Dalton (father of Oksana Sugartits Greigoriva's first child) was cast, NBC canceled Steele. Dalton's second run as Bond wasn't so good, and finally Brosnan got his chance. Though he was popular in the role, as Brosnan reveals in the following interview, he was unceremoniously dropped from the role. As Pierce says, it's always been a cruel business.



So Hollywood executives have done what Soviet spies & SMERSH never could - get rid of 007! It's probably no consolation to PB, but arguably the best Bond film ever was Her Majesty's Secret Service with George Lazenby. That was to be Lazenby's one and only run in the role.

Sex Addiction

Ever since Tiger Woods' mojo went berserk people have been asking "is sex addiction for real?" Many celebrity types claim to be suffering from it. The list goes from John F. Kennedy right up to modern day sleazes & douch bags like Charlie Sheen and the under endowed (allegedly) but very over active Jon Gosselin. Michael Douglas once claimed to be a sex addict. He then went on to screw Catherine Zeta Jones till she became bow legged! Mikey seems to have sex on the brain (an unfortunate place to have it as Brit journalist Malcolm Muggeridge once wryly observed). While being interviewed about his son's problems with another kind of addiction, Michael got side tracked and began talking about what a wonderful enhancement Viagra is. It was as if he decided to segue - "While we're on the topic of drugs..." His one track mind started to wander back in the same old direction.

Celebrities aren't really so different from everyone else went it comes to the birds and the bees. Everyone likes sex - except for the misfits! Celebs are just in a position to get a lot more action! It's human nature to try and get as much of a good thing as possible. So isn't addiction just an excuse? In the following short video the usual array of experts, shrinks, commentators, and other professional know it alls add their two cents worth to the debate. Naturally nothing gets resolved. Just take a look see.





Whether or not sex addiction is real, indulging with a vengeance can leave you sorry. It also can leave a lot of people demanding apologies. One of Tiger's many many many companions wants to know why he hasn't tried to make nice with her yet. It looks like Woods didn't leave her wanting more.



Now on a final note -

Denise Richards and Friend Chat With Paparazzi

So what's celebuslut Denise Richards' up to these days? When she's not defending her ex Charlie Sheen, or relentlessly Twittering, she likes to chat up the paparazzi, like in the following youtube video -

come on and come off it

It's a pleasure to see a celeb who actually appreciates the attention, rather than lashing out temper tantrum style. Then again with no actual talent, rapidly fading looks, and a reputation that's dirt; Denise is probably glad anyone's paying attention to her. Celebrities complain about the paparazzi, but I'm sure that they're secretly glad the gutter press is there. They wouldn't be on Twitter telling the world about what they had for dinner if they weren't desperate for attention.

Johnny Depp Talks Alice in Wonderland

Johnny Depp ain't the only one with a sweet new gig. Britney Spears has found some new employment too!

Octomom does the View

London Fashion Week: Day four

At least this is still a Pam Anderson free event.

Growing Pains Star Still Missing

Pamela Anderson Looking Shiteous

More unsightly than Lisa Rinna

Pamela Anderson showed up recently @ NYC Fashion Week looking busted. In fact she may as well have been a tranny on meth. Her face is so fucked up that not even liberal applications of Preparation H could restore the situation!

Pam looks worse for wear

the 'worse for wear' collection?

Anderson showed to help out her friend and business partner Richie Rich. So why the sudden interst in fashion for a woman most famous for wearing a beach towel. Pamela's broke. She's owes about $1 million in home renovation bills and back taxes. So she's been running around desperately pimping herself out. She did some pantomime in the UK, bared her boobs in Australia, and now she's giving fashionistas the creeps in the Big Apple. They don't creep out easy either. As a matter of fact she's taken on every paying job short of giving Arab oil Sheiks blow jobs - as far as I know.

Trailer park girl

To give Pammy her full due when she had the money she spent it. She had her pool lined with platinum tile, and once ordered $100 000 in fake snow for an LA beach party. Fake snow might sound like a bit much but artificial is a them of Anderson's life and career. Now her finances have reached such a sorry state that she took to living in a trailer while work continued on her home. She also began screwing the electrical contractor but dropped him shortly after work was completed. Guess how she paid that bill!

the ravages of fame & fortune

To give you an idea of just how far Pammy has plummeted, here is some startling before and after imagery, set to the familiar Baywatch theme.

the higher the height the farther the fall & the higher up the tree he climbs, the more of the monkey's ass you see!

Though Pam has been desperate for paying gigs, she no longer has her pick of the choice projects. She has to take what she can get - catch as catch can style. So has Pamela reached the bottom of the barrel yet? Judgment on that might be reserved to see whether or not she shows up on reality TV with Jon Gosselin.

Jersey Shore cast on the View

They're the kids who've popularized fast living and orange tans. They've also reinforced some Italian-American stereotypes. Here they are, the cast of Jersey Shore on the View!




Fans of Jersey Shore may be either relieved or disappointed to hear that JWOWW is not getting larger implants, depending on how you feel about big fake boobs! Sounds like some one is jealous of Snooki.

Now here's a little more 'reality' for your enjoyment!



He looks just like Sylvester the Cat. I hope that's not Tweety Bird float around the bowl!


Remember that if reality TV sucks, there are still the movies to fall back on, or are there?

LOGAN LERMAN THE NEXT SPIDER-MAN?

Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire are officially out of Spiderman 4. So who's in? Looks like Percy Jackson star Logan Lerman is going to be featured in what industry insiders are calling a "Spiderman reboot".



BTW the lovely and talented Megan Fox still isn't Wonder Woman. Perhaps she still thinks that an invisible plane is more lame than a talking car called Bumblebee. Besides at 5'3" she's way too short to play the 6 ft tall Diana.

Relationshit

Has anyone been wondering whatever happened to Hillary Duff since she fucked up her face and her career ran out of steam? Probably not. She kept busy instigating hockey violence - glad she kept busy - and now she's engaged or something.

Speaking of relationships and violence

Best of luck to the happy couple and hopefully thinks work out better for them than for the Sheen-Muellers. Charlie and Brooke had a big Christmas bust up during which, Brooke claimed, Charlie threatened to carve her up instead of the Turkey. Charlie spent Christmas day in the clink, and the following few days with ex Denise Richards visiting his kids.

Brooke quickly decided that she made the whole thing up - it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind, a whore's to change her story - and while her lawyer (who may or may not be Gloria Allred) insisted that it really did happen and Brooke isn't denying anything. I guess it pays to keep your options open.

Brooke quickly entered rehab. This allowed her to hide from the press, the lawyer, and maybe even get some help for those serious addiction issued she's rumored to have. Just to keep you up to speed - after the Christmas Day Knife Fight stories began emerging, via Perezhilton among other - that Brooke was a crack addicted meth abusing slut who'd do Jon Gosselin for an 8 ball. Supposedly she did cocaine and entered rehab while pregnant. The latest twist in this story has Brooke leaving rehab, and Charlie going in! Their marriage might survive, just as long as they are never in the same place at the same time! Who'll check up on the kids, besides that nannies? Well that's already been taken care of.



It's not all blood, sweat and tears though. The world's hottest woman - according to Maxim - Olivia Wilde, is doing a sexy new photo shoot. Here's the video on that, so enjoy!

Can you find a million dollar baby in the 5 and dime?

Does sex still sell?

So how do you make money in challenging economic conditions? You can plan, work hard, and make shrewd investments. Or you can get with the times and make it the old fashioned way - by pimping yourself out for money! A pretty face and a good body can take you places. If you're attention hungry you might even get your 15 minutes of fame - just like the contestants in 'Millionaire Matchmaker'.

MM is the show where greedy, shallow surgically altered women line up for a shot at horny, shallow men with some spare cash. The show's host, Patti Stanger, is already bragging about the cult success of her show. Plus she's promising a 'bi curious' contestant this season. Could it be Tila Tequila? We'll have to wait and see (Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods and other high profile celebrity perverts are probably already on the edge of their seats. Then again I hear that they sit that way all the time, so their 'excitement' level won't be so obvious.). Hopefully none of the contestants wind up in a suitcase or hanging in a hotel room closet this time.

Dominic Monaghan Ejected From Voyeur For "Inappropriate Gestures Towards Women"

Evangeline Lilly's boyfriend and former LOST costar Dominic Monaghan got some attention recently when he was ejected from Voyeur for making inappropriate gestures to women. Inappropriate gestures means that you can rule out anything like holding chairs or opening doors. Monaghan's been thrown out of better, and worse places than that. In fact Monaghan's been thrown out of almost everywhere, including off of LOST, the State of Hawaii, and out of Lilly's bad a few times. I guess he's given up hope of getting any awards show RSVP's this time around, so he can be a jerk - what's to stop him?

The days of chrome & plastic

It's awards season. That's the entertainment industry's equivalent of Lent. from now until Oscar night celebs will be on their best behavior, unless their to far down the D list to give a damn. There is nothing celebs like better than getting all dressed up, walking a red carpet, being seen and admired, and getting some shiny piece of chrome. It's the kind of validation that they desperately crave. So no one wants to blow their ticket to the party with outlandish behavior. Should they get caught acting up then their RSVP might be revoked. Then instead of spending awards night wondering if anyone else in the room thinks that they look better than the next celeb, they'll spend it holed up in their spacious mansion, quivering int he fetal position and fearing that they might be the next Kanye West or Chris Brown.

So for the next little while the beautiful people will be white knuckling it and holding it in. Gosspistas will be waiting for the post awards out bursts. All that stored up histrionics has got to come out eventually. Well they little monsters can take some relief in knowing that it won;t be too much longer until they can start acting up again. We're already up to the BAFTA's! Before you know it the Academy Awards will roll around. Then, after a night of speculating about whether or not Angelina Jolie has been recently botoxed, the fast laners can get back to venting their sociopathic impulses (just like Dexter when he's on the hunt)! Hope they've booked their rehab time in advance this year!

The View From Space follow up

Some follow up's on tonight's The View From Space with Gary Bell (640 AM Toronto & not from somewhere beyond the Van Allen Belt). Apolo Anton Ohno (anagram: a noon halo on top) has won his 7th Olympic medal. Apolo was the son of Zeus, and was the Sun God. The original prizes awards to Olympic athletes were laurel leaves, which were sacred to Apollo (research Apollo & Daphne myth). The Georgian skier was killed coming out of a turned called The Thunderbolt. The thunderbolt was sacred to Zeus and was his weapon. Was his death a ritual sacrifice intended to empower Zeus?? BTW 7 is the Illuminati number of perfection.

Pamela Anderson before and after

Every boy's dream girl lives out the Hollywood nightmare

Pamela Anderson started her career as a natural beauty with personality plus. She was discovered at a CFL game and broadcast on the stadium view screen. After that one of Canada's leading breweries asked her to be their pin up girl. Soon Playboy called, and soon after that Tim Allen asked her to be the Tool Girl on Home Improvement. Pammy was getting noticed!

Soon after that she made the switch to Baywatch. BW was at the time the most viewed television show on the planet. Pam was a major part of the appeal. However celebrity success lead to the usual pitfalls. Pammy got hooked up with sleazy musicians. She got hooked on drugs - rumored, and she also picked up Hep A. No one is sure about the Hep. Pam claims that she got it from ex Tommy Lee, or so she told Larry King. Tommy's reps claimed that she got it from Kid Rock and was covering for her then husband by blaming the T Boner. She might have as easily picked Hep up from a tattoo needle (as is rumored to be the case with Angelina Jolie).

Pammy also went in heavy on the plastic surgery. Though a natural beauty with considerable assets, she seemed to feel the need to make a good thing better. She got breast implants, then had them removed, and then had them put back again. She claimed that her breasts had lost their natural shape after the removal, and so needed the implants put back. She also had her two lower ribs removed so she could cinch her waist. Someone should have reminded her that if it ain't broke don't fix it. Hollywood seemed to be putting the pressure directly on her insecurities, with disastrous results.

Nowadays the bloom is off the rose. Pam showed up at NYC Fashion Week recently to hype her line, designed in collaboration with Richie Rich. She showed up late and looking shiteous. Wags claimed that she looked like a tranny on meth. Though her heart didn't seem to be in it, she did make a runway appearance at the end of the show, wearing a skimpy silver number, and a bewildered expression on her face. It was a date that she had to keep since she is currently about $1 million in debt, to building contractors and in back taxes. So she's desperately pimping herself out to raise money. She will make any appearance that pays. What exactly are people showing up to see? A formerly beautiful woman now showing the ravages of fame and success. Her life has become a celebrity cautionary tale (One that cupcake dejour Megan Fox might do well to heed!). That's life in the fast lane!

Glenn Beck Barking Mad?

So was it a full moon? - Someone's been to the Wolfman premier!

There's some more over the top commentary from FOX News No 1 "personality" Glenn Beck.

Sound bites, commentator barks - Wolfman Beck

News commentator may need rabies test, if he hasn't already reached 'silver bullet' condition

Now some feel that substituting sound effects for genuine commentary is a bit much. Granted Glenn Beck is no William F Buckley. He's no Rush Limbaugh for that matter, and Limbaugh was no Buckley himself. Glenn is probably doing the best that he can, with what he has to work with - which isn't bad for a guy who started his career as a crank caller to news talk radio programs. Besides, I'm just glad Beck decided to give the Vick's Vapor Rub induced tears a rest!

His bark is as bad as his sound bite

BTW - there may be a rational explanation for Beck's churlish behavior. He could have Tourette's Syndrome. Then again he's probably just a blow hard crank & loud mouthed snook. Let me put it this way - if he had an on air meltdown no one would be able to tell. It would be indistinguishable from his usual performances. Maybe it's time for Rupert Murdock to follow Bob Barker's advice and get Glenn Beck neutered. It might solve that annoying barking problem. Remember that when a man bites a dog it's news, and when a man barks like a dog it's FOX! The whole gamut is Wondertrash - Wondertrash is entermation & infotainemnt 3.0!

Also please check out The Young Turks' website. They are the Internet's leading supplier of blog filler material!

coming soon to the National Enquirer

Teacher And Cop Slapping Each Other

A special message from Gloria Allred

The Crying Game




Gloria Allred is best known for suing the Boyscouts of America in a sex discrimination case. She also breifly worked for Octomom, but was fired quit because Octomom was too crazy. IN this case she wants to remind the public that Tiger is being selfish in apologizing to his wife, family, and friends; instead of realizing that this is all about her client.



This raises an interesting question: Why apologize? Tiger didn't kill anyone. Tiger is apologizing because he's not just a man, he's a brand. That means he's everyone's business. So his privacy has been sacrificed in exchange for millions of dollars and the perks that go with them. Some where along the way that Faustian deal got a little confining; about the time the devil wanted his due. Fame is one of the worst tragedies that can befall mortal man.

A special message from Tila Tequila

Take that jealous haters!

A special message from Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods' mea culpa was similar to Gary Coleman's ("There is no domestic violence in my house") - except without the profanities. I guess that every celebrity mea culpa can't contain explosive footage (Speaking of explosive footage, I hear that Gary Coleman is up for a supporting part in the next, and inevitable Lethal Weapon!). He did sum up the essence of Buddhism very well.

they're playin' our song again!

BTW Gary Coleman is not to be confused with Gary Cole. Gary Coleman played Arnold on Different Strokes. He was known for the catch phrase "What'chu talkin' bout". Gary Cole played Sheriff Lucas Buck on American Gothic - with Fast & Furious star Lucas Black. Cole was also the voice of Kim Possible's father.