Alex Jones is Charlie Sheen’s dark muse. During the Denise Richards divorce Richards claimed that Sheen would spend his days holed up in the basement smoking, web surfing, popping pills, & listening to Jones. Anyone remember Dale Gribble on King of the Hill? When Charlie decided to unleash the full measure of his warlock wrath, Jones was the guy he went to. He phoned Jones’ national conspiracy radio program & opened the flood gates to a torrent of tiger’s blood, Gnarly Gnarlingtons, & WINNING.
For those who don’t know Jones does the conspiracy beat. That used to be called the lunatic fringe but it went mainstream after 8 year of George W Bush had the public asking themselves “Is this guy really that dumb or is there something more going on?” Jones was on the cutting edge of that. He and a brit journalist Jon Ronson (author of the excellent The Psychopath Test) got a film crew to infiltrate Republican hang out Bohemian Grove. That was a glimpse inside the batcave which got Jones some mainstream attention, and made BG a must see tourist sight for California visitors - “Is this the place where they perform the human sacrifices?” Now it’s a haunted house inhabited by the demons of the Republican Party.
These days Jones covers a “tinfoil reduced” conspiracy beat, avoiding crop circles and concentrating on the NWO. His current focus is on the insidious erosion of the constitution through enforced vaccinations, plastic water bottles that turn men into sissies (Alex is clear to point out that he doesn’t mean “gay”, but “metro sexual”), and fluorescent lights that read your mind while causing vicious seizures. So his show is more of a trip to the close edge of the far side than all the way to the outer limits. It’s something familiar with something peculiar, and old situations with new complications.
He does have a flip side. For instance he follows the environmental angle with some weird human interest & odd ball news stories. Like the woman in Texas who got busted for growing tomatoes. Apparently the poor woman was growing some produce in flower boxes on her stoop when some meddling civil servants with too much free time gave her grief. Most people chalk this up to the kind of people who get into the bureaucracy, plus the effect of Parkinson’s Law (Parkinson’s Law is Peter’s Principle for the civil service). However Jones sees this as the tip of a larger iceberg of evil! First they come for your tomatoes, then they take you guns. Tomorrow they could be shooting school kids full of heroin as part of some civics course.
For instance on last Wednesday’s show his special health reporter - the Health Ranger - covered a ruthless cheese crack down. Apparently some people were making cheese without adherence to all the bi laws. To hear Jones tell it, it was a fascist crack down with Homeland Security swat teams rounding up the Amish and loading cheese into the back of government vans. It got a little Les Nessmanish for a minute or so, and I couldn’t help imaging jack booted government thugs accosting farm hands with odd intrusive questions like :
“What are you doing with that cow?”
“It’s personal, I swear!”
“Well it better be, cause if I catch you making cheese you’re in serious trouble!”.
Jones does make a good point though. Once upon a time people got their dairy products from the local farmer. Regulations helped drive the small local concerns under in favour of the modern industrial factory farms. Cows are no longer lovingly milked by creepy farm boys, free from prying eyes and intrusive questions. Instead they’re penned in and drugged like mental patients. They say the drugs are harmless hormones to encourage lactation, but with the NWO who knows what the real agenda is. A worst case scenario might have cows tormented with electric cattle prods while being given massive doses of LSD and forced to cooperate with elaborate mind programming training. How long do you think it could take a drugged, shocked cow to learn how to strip and reassemble an automatic firearm (Rumor is that Sarah Palin can do it in under 2 minutes, but I’m not suggesting that Palin will be the first MK Ultra mind controlled cow to become president!)? That leads to the obvious outcome of a breed of psychotic super cows bent on world domination and ensuing scenarios that the most deranged sci fi writers couldn’t dream of (though reality TV producers are currently working on it)!
That’s one of the points Alex tries to make; that you have to be aware of the implications of events. Try to see the big picture in the long term. Today pasteurization, tomorrow rule by cows! You have to stop these things while they’re small. Take the tomato lady for instance. Growing some tomatoes on the front porch sounds harmless, in theory. Yet Alex himself has pointed out time and time again that most produce is genetically altered into mutant “frankenfruit”. So who’s to say that these front porch tomatoes didn’t contain some rogue human DNA, perhaps grafted in from prison convicts to make a hardier, more aggressive strain.
Now that’s putting criminal genes to good use, but the down side is that you’ve got to watch those tomatoes every second! One minute their sitting quietly in the planter box, the next your asking “Where’s grandma?” while your staring at a tomato sitting between her empty flip flops and trying to look innocent. “She said she was going to the store for some lotto tickers - buurrpp!” It would be like a scene out of that film Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! Point is that maybe every neighborhood granny shouldn’t be meddling in government business by growing DNA enhanced super veg on the front porch. Criminal tomatoes need constant supervision!
You do have to give Jones credit. He’s fiendishly well informed. He actually encourages people to inform themselves, which is a message well worth heeding. It refreshing to hear a conspiracy theorist who doesn’t talk about the mark of the beast every 10 minutes, between channeling messages from the Pleiades. Besides, the guy is genuinely (and I’ll let you in on a secret, deliberately) funny. I suspect his real angle is half truths told half in jest. You might not always be sure when his tongue’s in his cheek, but he’s one hell of a performer. Would Charlie Sheen be a fan if he wasn’t? If Sheen knows anything it’s mad success in comedy!
