Living in the past - facing the consequences

So Ronnie Wood is talking about the Small Faces. Is young ex companion is doing some talking too and she doesn't care what she says - like he's a drunken & shrunken old brute with the sexual charisma of Mr Burns from the Simpsons. Also Mick Jagger has reportedly suspended Ronnie from his permanent temporary gig with the Rolling Stones.

MelF

Mel Gibson is mad, and 'fucking' mad about gossip and celebrity scrutiny. Just listen to him in the following short video interview!



The life of an alcoholic movie star is a rough one. Why only recently Rip Torn was arrested for breaking into a bank with a pistol. Naturally Rip was ripped, so perhaps the pistol talked him into it or something. In addition to B&E, Rip has also lived a very colourful life which has included a DUI arrest and an assault on a director with a hammer (Rip hit him in the head - no word on whether the hammer talked him into it).

Coming soon to the National Enquirer

Buried Body ID'd As Missing Fla. Lottery Winner

Well if he was stupid enough to get murdered than he deserves to be dead! It's not like he didn't have money or anything.

Look there up in the sky - is it a bird? is it a plane? Does Balloon Boy fly again?

In other news the UFO's have landed in Harbour Mille Newfoundland!



Of course the main questions about UFO's remain unanswered - who are they? where do they come from? and why do they come?



Never fear, though the aliens may be 100's years ahead of the human race we've got one thing they haven't;bloody mindedness!


UFO - Identified

Deleted User | MySpace Video

Remember that aliens are more afraid of you than you are of them. Earth's just a bad place for your flying saucer to run out of gas!



PS. Now Newfoundland has more in common with Ireland than the accent and local family names!

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From the tabs - More Brangie

Plus Celebitchy is reporting that Brad has called Angelina a "bitch" behind her back. Now I'm sure that he only meant that in the most positive sense. Besides who doesn't think that she's a bitch?

Alicia Keys/Pete Doherty and Susan Boyle

Pete Doherty recently got into trouble again when he was caught on a traffic violation. When he appeared in court he still had his stash on him - about $500 of heroin. The judge told Petey that he was either stupid or publicity seeking, but he avoided jail time.

Michael Douglas son Cameron Douglas, who's girlfriend was caught smuggling him heroin concealed in a tooth brush - once again in court - wasn't so lucky. That lad is looking at serious jail time. Big Daddy Michael says that he is very disappointed, then again I'm sure that Cameron could say as much about him.

Susan Boyle has had a rough week. She was publicly referred to as a 'virus'. Her home was also broken into by an obsessed fan. This has caused her brother to express some fears for her safety.

State of the Union address

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Coming hot on the heels of President Obama's SOTU address is some very good news for the markets - Ford has turned a profit.

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - Tila Goes On

May I make my fond excuses for the lateness of the hour

It's been like a month or something already - so what's taken her so long to get over "wifey"? I must say that I admire Tila's resiliency in bouncing back from grief like this. Everybody has their set backs and disappointments, but you just can't let them get to you. Besides I'm sure that Casey would want her to enjoy life - happy ever after in the market place!

Chris Matthews goes temporarily colour blind

Latently racist and unintentionally patronizing?

The guy is black - do not adjust your set!

For only 1 hour? What about the other 23?? I'm sure that he didn't mean that the way it sounded. It sounded like he was saying that President Obama is doing alright 'for a colored guy'. Maybe that's why he got the Nobel Peace Prize? While America may have turned the corner on race, it's not exactly in the past. Not even among the 'liberal media establishment' who think that Barack Obama is the baddest jive talking cat ever to become president, and so much better than the previous turkey. He's "Dy-no-mite"! At least Matthews didn't call him the Michael Jackson of USA presidents and salute him for bringing cool into the White House. It could've been worse. Matthews could've called him 'a credit to his race' or something.

No prejudice intended

PS. Personally I'm pissed off at Chris Matthews (and to a lesser extend Contessa Brewer) for perpetuating the stereotype of TV newsmen being Ted Baxterish buffoons who make fools of themselves the minute they stray away from the teleprompter!!

Elin takes Tiger back?

New rumors have Nordegren taking back her husband, golf's No. 1 swinger Tiger Woods. She's visited him in The Gentle Path sex rehab clinic, and has allowed herself to be persuaded by his sincerity and remorse. She also doesn't want to raise her kids without a dad. Elin herself is the child of divorced parents! Personally I wonder whether Oprah Winfrey's show yesterday might have had some effect on poor Elin in her disturbed and impressionable state:

America's Guru!

We all know about the raw power that Oprah wields over her audience. When she says something they immediately go out and do it without question, or as much as stopping to think. That's why she can make best sellers through her book club, that's why normally sane people swallowed The Secret hook, line, & sinker; and that's why Dr. Phil McGraw - daytime's version of Star Trek's Harcort Fenton Mudd- has his own show. Oprah's legion of zombies just have no mind of their own. The Oprah Effect strikes again!

That said I must say that I can hardly wait to see Elin & Tiger on Oprah. You know that's coming. Tiger better hide his clubs though. Just in case. He'd better keep tighter tabs on his texting too.

Miranda Kerr - Hot Pink Bikini

Now appearing without camel toe!

Photos courtesy of CelebrityPictures

Miranda Kerr In Pink Bikini Boy Shorts Photo Shooting in St Barts

There's a distinct lack of camel toe in the above shots. Some previously posted pix of Ms. Kerr from a David Jones fashion show in Australia look as if her crotch is about to swallow her bikini bottoms! Her pet beast must be hungry!

In other news: Some one who won't be wearing a bikini any time soon is Kevin Federline. For on thing he's guy, but besides he's gained a ton of weight (not literally since a ton would mean about 2000 pounds -he seems to have put on a mere 1/10th of that) since his Brit split. The former dancer blames depression, related to the divorce, for his weight gain. Federline, who sounds like he might be practicing an Oprah spiel, goes on to say that depression has robbed of the energy it takes to remain slim and trim, by sapping him of the will to do anything. Not that he ever seemed especially motivated to do anything.

Suleman octuplets mark first birthday

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Octomom: More outrageous lies?

Who really believes that Octomom Nadya Suleman works out at the gym for 3 hours a day 4 days a week? Who's looking after her numerous brood of children - 14 at last count but that could go up without warning - while she's taking care of herself? That kind of dedication to personal fitness really would make her an unfit mother, so let's give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's lying. She got her new figure the same way she got her 'rubber band' lips, and she didn't get those by blowing up truck tires at the service station! She might be a demon at the gym, if you take her at her word, but she's not even trying to be believable anymore.

Brangie Update

From desperate to separate?

While some are adamantly denying or at least questioning the Brangelina break up rumors, the National Enquirer is claiming that Pitt's bought himself a brand spanking new bachelor pad! The National Enquirer has picked up a story from the UK Daily Mail which has Brad Pitt laying out 1.3 mill for a palatial party mansion in the Hollywood Hills. Besides the grapevine has had them leading separate lives for a few years with Brad drinking and smoking up while Jolie pursues her interests in impulse adoptions and self harm.

The timing of the rumours is sunny too - now that Jennifer Aniston has moved on to Gerard Butler and Pitt is entering Oscar territory with Inglourious Basterds ( SAG is a step in that direction), Angelina Jolie might have decided to let go. Perhaps one of the most attractive things about him was that Aniston still wanted him. She also liked being perceived as molding him and as being the brains of the operation - "I'm a sophisticated & complicated screw up with an international perspective". Sometimes I think that girl is even beyond Gwyneth Paltrow levels of snottiness! Also Inglourious Basterds success has gotta rub the wrong way since her own career has tanked out since at least The Changeling.

Life with AJ couldn't have been much fun. Since 2004 he's gone from Joe Handsome to looking like the 4rth member of ZZ Top! If he sticks around any longer he wind up looking like the Missing Link!

The actor formerly known as Brad Pitt is looking like the new 'new' Joaquin Phoenix!

John Edwards a dead beat dad to illegitimate daughter?

Head over to Gossiprocks for the latest on John Edwards. In an attack of scuzziness he's refused to pay for dental work on his love child Frances Quinn by Rielle Hunter. Maybe this is his way of supporting health care reform. What a prince of a guy!

PS. While some of us will miss the 'new' Joaquin Phoenix, most of you will be relived to hear that he has gone the way of New Coke. The latest news has him reverting back to original or 'Joaquin Classic' state and playing on the Internet with Liv Tyler & Miley Cyrus. As to whatever it was that hapened to him, I assume that it might have been a transporter beam accident!

Celebrity Tweet of the Day - Tila Tequila Hates Bloggers!

At least she said some, or she would've been making a broad - but mostly accurate - generalization!

Sex, Drugs, Celebrity, & the View

The ladies of The View have broken some startling new Tiger Woods information via The Daily Beast, from a story soon to be broken by the National Enquirer, without any acknowledged help from The Huffington Post! According to this version, which is attributed to the usual unnamed sources and 'friends', on the night that the shit hit the fan Tiger and his wife were talking seriously about their future together. Tiger tried to assuage Elin's fears by calling Rachel Uchitel and getting her to talk to Elin. It's the old "Will you believe that I'm not cheating if you hear it from my mistress" ploy. The guilty lovers had cooked up this dubious scheme in advance, and Uchitel spent quite some time trying to convince Elin that the relationship was strictly Platonic (strictly "Platonic would have meant that Uchitel was a guy, and that would be a whole other kettle of fish!). Not giving Elin much credit for intelligence, Tiger then popped an Ambien and went off to bed.

Tiger carelessly left his texting device behind, and while he peaceful slumbered in his drugged out sleep, Elin re contacted Uchitel. Displaying more intelligence than her husband, Elin pretended to be Tiger. Uchitel responded, "I thought that you were going to go to bed?" and there by gave the whole scheme away. She might as well have texted "I can't believe that she fell for it" or "Your wife is so stupid" because next thing Tiger was rudely awakened by his irate wife. Not to worry because he would be asleep & snoring again before long! One thing lead to another, that lead to swing a golf club with intent, and one of the shortest getaways on record. The rest is, if not history, then at least tabloid headlines!





So if we've learned nothing else it's that taking an abstinence vow increases your chances of getting lucky by 88%!

More Drama

Andy Dick is in more trouble. When under the influence, Dick has been known to pull down teen aged girls' blouses, and greab men in the crotch. This time he facing sexual assault charges in West Virginia!

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Balloon Boy Dad Richard Heene might be having some second thoughts about cooperating with authorities - allegedly to keep his wife from being deported!

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Nancy Kerrigan Update

So as you've probably heard, as as Wondertrash has previously posted, there's more trouble for Olympic silver medalist Nancy Kerrigan. Her 70 year old father is dead, and her brother Mark Kerrigan is charged with assault. Her brother, a 'troubled', unemployed plumber with a history of assault, has admitted to arguing with his father over use of the phone, and admitted to putting his hands around his father's throat. The 70 year old Kerrigan then fell to the found unconscious. When the police arrive they found the elder Kerrigan dead, and the younger Kerrigan 'drunk and belligerent'. He was subdued with pepper spray. The charges against him could be upgraded pending autopsy results.

Several years ago Mark was sued by his father for 100 000, which was supposedly a loan.

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Kerrigan's Dad Dies; Brother Accused of Assault

Celebrity Tweet of the Day

Now don't fill up on dogs and children before your dinner with imaginary friends - that is if the National Enquirer can be believed.

Spaced Out Sunday

G. vs E. -​ Men Are From Mars, Wom­en Are Evil

G. vs E. - Men Are From Mars, Women Are Evil

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Gary Coleman Mugshot

Gary has been charged with domestic assault and is being held on $1,725 bail.

Sex and the City 2 - Return of the Cougars!

Calling All Cranks: Your 15 Minutes is Here!

Tradition finally catching up with NBC?

Conan O Brien is gone but not quite forgotten. Jay Leno is moving back to his original time slot right after the Winter Olympics. That means that NBC has one hour of 'must see' TV time to fill! Since they weren't counting on parting ways with Conan so soon that leaves them at a lose. The network that canceled Star Trek & Baywatch seems to be faltering badly!

It's never been a better time to be Tila Tequila!

So what can we expect? My guess is wall to wall reality TV, spin offs, and mid season replacement quality TV. Basically anything that can be hastily slapped together at the last minute has a chance of getting on the air. Look for America's Funniest Home Video's: The Next Generation, or even NBC Presents: The Best of Youtube! I've been waiting years for Stupid Pet Tricks - The Series. I just want it clarified first whether the pets or the tricks are stupid. I'd feel guilty about laughing at retarded pets. If only the tricks are retarded, then not so much.

Join in, get involved, & become part of the problem

If you've had an idea for a television pilot simmering away on the back burner now's your chance to pitch it! Unlikely successes like Jon & Kate have lowered the bar of acceptability. Now that NBC is desperate, it's a seller's market. Any idea now matter how half baked has a chance! Let's face it, TV master mind Jeff Zucker might as well be having a 'going out of business' sale.



While you're pondering away at what nonsense you might get away with pitching under the guise of entertainment, let's take a nostalgic look back at the good old days, when NBC had a viable line up!

Chuck Barris - we need you now more than ever before!

Today's post is dedicated to the inventor of the lie detector, and Wonder Woman creator, William Moulton Marston!