Tiger Woods Backs Out of His Golf Tournament After Car Crash

Suri Cruise Style Sense; Tiger's Other Woman

Suri Cruise is so young to be so controversial a fashion icon.

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Rachel Uchitel



I wanted to give Tiger the benefit of the doubt, but that woman looks like a real tramp! By tramp I mean the sort of slut who was just born to stir up some kind of shit somehow. This one is bad news with bells on!

CHIPS got questions; Tiger has no answers

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Rule #1 in dealing with a media shit storm is don't say anything! He who says nothing, says nothing wrong.

Rule#2 is keep a low profile. If you're constantly showing your face on Oprah or in magazines in some cockeyed attempt to spin manage a situation, then you're just reinforcing the scandal in everyone's minds. Remember Tom Cruise? Just go away for a while. Take a 6 to 9 month hiatus (like Russell Crowe after his phone throwing incident). Then come back low key with some new project to talk about, instead of what ever scandal landed you in the soup in the first place.

If Tiger can keep his cool while everyone is gearing up for a media feeding frenzy, then by this time next week we'll be talking about the Jon Gosselin sex tape, Obama's latest gaff, nude photos of Miley Cyrus hitting the Internet, or whatever the scandal de jour happens to be. By following these simple PR rules even Chris Brown is redeemable. Micheal Richards - not so much. As for Tila Tequila - she's on the bubble.

Miley Cyrus' 17th Birthday Celebration Recap

I'm glad she abounded her original idea to pop out of a cake and twirl around a stripper pole!

Steven Tyler Relapse

As you can see from the following picture ex Aeromith singer Steven Tyler has relapsed, and gone back on the bottle with a vengeance!



Actually that's not Steve Tyler, but a Wondertrash 'leg pull'. It's actually Real Housewives Of Orange County's Raquel Curtain, daughter of Lynne. They do sort of look alike.



BTW - Steven Tyler and Amy Winehouse have been mistaken for each other on numerous occasions. However Amy is rapidly moving into Keith Richards territory at a fantastic rate! If she goes down hill any faster she'll become the missing link!

Tiger Woods' Wife Investigated For Domestic Assault

The scandalous photos of the other woman!

Nirvana Seasons in the Sun

After 30 Years...Tom Petty Still Rocks

Love & Other Accidents

"Love" is never having to say "You hit an artery"

I'm told that most accidents happen in the kitchen and in the bathroom. It's that dangerous combination of a man, a woman, and so many potentially lethal objects close at hand. In fact we will never know how many of them were really 'accidents', or playful lovers games that got out of hand. A woman does something to get a rise out of her lover - like use his razor on her legs for instance. The man responds in the usual manner - "What happened to my Triple Mach multi blade titanium razor? It worked great yesterday and now some one has turned it int a cheese grater!"

At this point the girl's pride is a little hurt. "You can't tell me that my soft downy leg hair can wreck a razor faster than pubic Brillo pad he's got growing out of his face!" she thinks Then she usually says something she shouldn't - just to vent. "What are you getting so upset about?" is a standard response. Now men are stupid, & fools, but they do possess some minimal degree of sentience (like those cars that seem to know precisely the most inconvenient time to stall, & then do so). The man realizes that this is an attempt to turn things around on him. So he starts to become enraged.

Now we usually progress to the point where the man will grab the most expensive beauty product that the woman has been careless enough to leave within reach. He will then probably either drain it down the toilet or start rubbing it up between the crack of his ass (depending on what sort of a 'winner' you've picked out for yourself). As everything turns to a blank white in front of your eyes, and the blood rushes either to or from your head, you'll usually hear something like "Now what are you getting upset about?"

Many 'accidents' have occurred from something like this, and winds up with a guilty looking house wife explaining to the investigating officer that she begged her husband not to bring the toaster into the bath with him, but he just wouldn't listen. "I knew one day something bad would happen but he just kept calling me a silly woman, and reminding me that I didn't understand machinery." Even more accidents happen in the kitchen. That can be attributed to having a man and a woman together in the same room with so many sharp objects near by. Less frequently the driveway becomes the scene of a domestic outburst/accident.

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The triangle is geometry's most dangerous form

Tiger Woods apparently racked the car up while leaving his home at 2AM, not while returning home.This lends credence to the theory that this accident was of a domstic nature. Wife Elin may have found out about the cocktail waitress Rachel Uchitel (who is adamantly denying being the third point in the triangle). So that leaves a plethora of questions about the accident, not the least of which what was Elin doing with that golf club? Was she trying too free her husband from the wreck, or finish him of before authorities arrived? Remember that the woman has viking blood, so when she found out about the other woman she might have flipped out into berserker mode.



BTW more on the lovable, drunken, unemployed wife beater Andy Capp can be found @ the British Cartoon Archive. Be warned because many of these panels are highly politically incorrect; even when long suffering wife Flo gets the better of her husband with the use of her dreaded rolling pin!


BTW One of the most unvarnished depictions of married life is not Married With Children, but Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier in The Defiant Ones. So for any of the young and naive out there contemplating taking the plunge just imagine being handcuffed to the same person for years - until death do you part. You might instead prefer to take a plunge out of an aeroplane without a parachute!





Romance can bring out the animal in you!

Now for your Sunday afternoon viewing enjoyment here's a little offering about square triangles, the geometry of romance, and aliens bent on world domination (I've never understood the whole world domination thing. This seems more like the kind of place you'd want to get away from. If there's any truth to the Roswell story then Earth is certainly a bad place for you flying saucer to run out of gas. The locals are armed, dangerous, and shoot first then ask questions later.)!

UFO


"It's just lucky for her that an alien walked through that door instead of her husband!"

Tiger Crashes

Tiger Woods was involved in an early morning crash. Lest you think that success has gone to his head and he was tanked up behind the wheel; here's the unofficial story. As you know Tiger married a Swede who was working as a nanny for another golfer. Rumour was that this girl was on the make and looking for some one rich but a little naive. Naturally she moved in on Tiger. Gold brickers don't make the best life partners, and it began to show in Tiger's game, though people blamed that on the death of his mentor and father.

video courtesy of www.wesh.com



Well now the rest of the story is starting to emerge. The reason Tiger was out in his SUV at 2 AM is because he is allegedly seeing a cocktail waitress, Rachel Uchitel. I suppose that he's trying to find the comfort and solace he isn't getting from his greedy shrewish wife. Now juggling 2 tramps on the make can be tricky business, even for some one as talented as Woods (It's really more of a job for a John F Kennedy).

The pressure finally got to him and he flipped his car. That lead a trip to the hospital, and a lot PR media noise, and the eventual announcement that Tiger is basically OK - physically that is. He still has those tricky relationship problems to deal; with. Like they used to say in the old days - "no sex when you're playing the game!" On the bright side at least we won't have to hear about that buck toothed squinty eyed Taylor Swift for a awhile. Maybe even for several hours!

Jesse Ventura - Political Victim?

White House Crashers Angling For Reality TV Deal

So this was all another reality TV scheme! Perhaps if they'd used a tinfoil balloon to float over the White House security perimeter, while dangling a small child, they'd have had more impact. They'd certainly have been facing some stiff charges and psych assessments. The psych assessments might be a good idea anyway and highly recommended for any one seriously considering a career in entertainment.

Kate Winslet gets Bambi Award

I bet you didn't even know that there was a BAMBI award! That dumb bitch Winslet probably didn't either, but that didn't stop her from showing up to accept. Now that brings me to my plan to revitalize the economy - we just hold way more award shows. The promise of adulation, and shiny little statuettes, is bound to be a powerful lure to celebrities, and their money!

Ninja Assassin Movie Review

Is it my imagination or does the reviewer look like a young Hilary Clinton? Why that's probably the same revolted expression Hilary had when Bill proposed whatever little Faustian deal they refer to as a marriage.

Weekly Comic Book Review 11/25/09 Part 2

Don Cherry - Violent Thug

Technical Difficulties

Polanksi gets bail

I guess his bags are packed. I wonder where he'll make off to this time?

Sarah Palin dodges a bullet

She's got more than glasses and an up do in common with Wonder Woman

That hour might have had 2 or 3 too many minutes for Ms Mary Walsh. Canadian comedian Mary Walsh is an old dab hand at making fools of politicians. They're usually such easy targets that's there's hardly any sport in it. So I guess that she figured that taking a swipe at Sarah Palin would be like shooting fish in a barrel. What could possibly go wrong (That's what John McCain thought)?



If we know anything about Sarah it's that things never quite work out the way you'd expect. In the American political scene she's a joker in a deck of deuces. So when poor Mary started asking a few innocent questions as a build up to some coup de grace, Sarah burly body guards gave Ms Walsh the bum's rush (believe that's not as much fun as it sounds!). So poor Mary's stunt would up backfiring, or at least turning out a little anti climactic. As for Sarah, don't underestimate this chick!

Showbiz Daily

Dancin' Donnie & no Good Morning for Adam Lambert

gossip nov 25
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Adam Lambert: How gay is too gay?

I guess that prime time isn't ready to break the oral sex barrier. I thought that Bill Clinton would've prepared the ground for these kind of sleazy and unscrupulous shenanigans!

none threatening faggotry

So the moral of the story is that if you want to make it in show business, then keep other men's faces out of your crotch. TV audiences like their gays to be bitchy, snarky, and to have outrageous fashion sense. They don't want them with cock cheese on their back molars. So keep the gay stuff sexually neutral (like Will & Grace!) - unless you're on the casting couch. Then you can go full tilt fag!

Beckham is breathless and brainless

gossip nov 24
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Flying hams and the transmundane

To clarify the following story does not involve Miss Piggy.

As for that poor woman who got clobbered with the ham, why it's the greatest spectacle since the WKRP turkey drop! To put it in the words of Mr Carlson - "I swear that I thought pigs could fly!"

Taylor Lautner Talks New moon

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Bitch Kate Beckinsale Gone To The Dogs

She & Heather Mills Should Meet!

Kate Beckinale is in shit but she ain't smelling like a rose. Seems Kate was out and about in the LA recently and decided to get her hair done. It pay's for and actress to look her best when she's pushing 40. So she went in for an extended over haul. Nothing wrong there. The problem is that she had her pet pooch along for the ride and left the critter locked in the car with the windows up and no water while she was getting herself pretified!

Since LA is thick with PETAns (there are so many animal lovers down there that there isn't room to swing a cat!), Kate is finding herself in the dog house. To make matters worse on a previous occasion Kate was photoed taking her new little friend out for a walk. If the pic was any indication Beckinsale was having some trouble figuring out how the leash worked. That left the hapless animal dangling like a condemned man on a hangman's noose while excited paparazzi captured the scene.

Nor are these the only animal related atrocities Ms Beckinsale has been involved it. She regaled late night TV audiences a year or so back with a tale of how she accidentally set a cat on fire while preparing for an awards banquet. Between the smell of burning cat fur and her half dozen 'gay assistants' trying to out the fire out Kate thought it was a scream.

Now an image can only withstand so much of that kind of damage no matter how pretty and savvy you are. So it might be time for Kate to consider some spin doctoring in the way of professional image management. A big glossy spread in Vanity Fair (remember when that used to be readable?) of her embracing various endangered species might do the trick. Then again any species around Beckinsale tends to get endangered. Maybe something with her hugging a tree would be safer?

Tila Tequila drunken strip tease fiasco

It's the story of her life

Tila Tequila must've been watching that old Tom Cruise flick Risky Business, because int he following video she tries a little home spun burlesque. If she'd watched that other famous piece of Tom Cruise footage, from the Oprah Winfrey show, she might have known enough to leave the furniture alone. Just watch as @ approx 1:57 in Tila tips the chair over, while perched on the back rest!



I guess that's why professionals use a pole. Tila knows from years of personal experience that their is nothing more alluring than a woman on her back with her legs in the air. However in this case it's seems to have had an unintentionally comic effect. This vid is courtesy of youtuber realityzucks. RZ seems to have an awful lot of embarrassing Tila videos. One thing that we can take away from this is that whether Tila is allergic to alcohol or not, she should never be allowed near a camera while she's plastered!

Jordan Bails

When the going gets tough... how does the rest of that go? Well Jordan may have many flaws but at least she has the sense to get out of a bad situation before it gets worse.

I'm A Celebrity and X Factor - what are the odds?

Professional gambler talks about the contestant's chances of winning reality TV extravaganzas!

Supergirl

I know it's been mentioned before but "Heidi's Back"! It's amazing what lipo and a tummy tuck can do. Now you didn't think that it was her German genes and pilates did you?

A modest proposal: Chewing the fat on celebrities

Some day some one will get the idea to put all that liposuctioned celebrity blubber into hamburgers and a million dollar idea will be born! It's the same idea as deli's naming sandwiches after washed up movie stars only it's hard core and edgy! Why cash cows like Kristie Alley and Oprah Winfrey between them could keep such and enterprise in business! Throw in Rosie O Donnell and you're recession proof. Between those 3 there's enough flab to feed major portions of the 3rd World! The trick is to get them before they get old and turn to grizzle, like Pamela Anderson.