Paris Hilton on swine flu

NBC exec dies on the set

NBC VP Nora O' Brien died earlier today while on the set of pilot series Parenthood, on location in Berkeley. OBrien came to NBC via the cable networks. She was responsible for developing Stargate and Stargate Atlantis fro the Sci Fi Network. When NBC merged with several of the small cable oprations, O Brien got kicked up stairs as VP of drama programming. O Brien made an extremely good impression in her new role. Collegues describe her as hard working, fair, and easy going. O Brien is beleived to have succumbed to a brain aneurysm.

Miss California wants to take America back

Miss California has found a new line of work after blowing her shot at the Miss America crown. It seems that Carrie Prejean has taken on the role of anti gay crusader. Well not really anti gay, but anti gay marriage. During the Q&A section of the contest - always trouble - Carrie claimed that marriage was only for oppositely sexed folk of the Christian persuasion who had the blessing of God, their kin folk, and a pastor. It wasn't for Adam and Steve. Now gay marriage activists would say that's practically anti gay.

Carrie has already set the ball rolling with an interview on the Today Show. Carrie claimed that the issue was something very dear to her heart. She also prefers to concentrate on the positive, by insisting that she's "defending traditional marriage". Well at least she has an upbeat attitude (not sure other will buy the spin). So Ms California seems intent on taking America back. With her controversial public stand she cold well become the most disliked former beauty pageant contestant since Sarah Palin! I guess she's determined to prove that good looks will only get you so far in making a good impression, even with cosmetically enhanced breasts! Apparently she doesn't believe that everything has to be the way nature intended. It's nice to know that she has some wiggle room on the issues.

Tyra Banks confronts stalker

Tyra Banks takes the stand to day against her alleged stalker Brady Green. Green - a drifter from Dublin, Georgia - is alleged to have done creepy stuff like sending Banks love letter sand flowers. Oh yeah and he also threatened to kill one of Banks producers, and claims to have a fleet of satellites keeping banks under constant surveillance. Gren was nabbed while lurking just out side Banks Chelsea Productions - the studio where her show is taped.

Tupac Alive?

TMZ has published the following picture of a man currently in Bourbon Street Louisiana, and suggesting that it might be allegedly murdered rap singer Tupac Shakur.

Octomom under investigation

oSocial workers from the Orange County Child Protective Services Dept, and two police detectives from the La Habra Police Dept payed Octomom Nadya Suleman a visit today. So what was the beef, besides the obvious? Well one of Octomom's numerous brood showed up in school with a black eye. That seems to have prompted a teacher to place a complaint. Octomom has an explanation - she says that the child is autistic and bumps into stuff alot.

Now many would find that hard to believe. They might find it easy to believe that Octomom got short tempered. The general consensus is that she's bitten off more than she can chew. Even if you buy her explanation, it would clearly show that she's incapable of handling the situation. Now this could be bad news for her since if CPS takes the tots, that ruins her prospects for a reality TV show. That is unless she now qualifies for some kind of assistance grant. Like the say - the wheel is crooked and it's the only game in town.

News of the World stands by Slumdog Story!

Available to a good home, 1 genuine slumdog! This one is special though, since it's an Oscar Slumdog.

Mel Gibson out with the girlfriend

Pammy puts aside her beef with meat industry

Pamela Anderson is known for being a vocal PETA supporter. She even antagonized the audience at an East Coast Music Awards show in Halifax a few years back. She appeared with singer Seal, and intro'd him by asking the audience not to club him. Guess how that went over. Still Pammy defiantly told the hecklers that she could 'take it'.

Another thing she can take is a pay check from Sapphire Steak House in New York City. Now what was Pammy doing in a place like that, which would merit a pay check? She was helping open the joint! Now that seems to fly in the face of her long standing PETA support. It also flies in the face of that anti KFC PETA spot she did recently. Then again it's been a little while since Pammy's been gainfully employed. Considering the present state of the economy, and of her face, she must be fighting an uphill battle where work is concerned. So why be too hard on her? These days she must need every break that she can get!

Naked Music Fan Gets Shock @ Coachella

Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

Mel Gibson divorce starts rolling

As if to confirm expectations of a messy bust up new rumours have Mel Gibson girl Oksana Grigorieva pregnant. Robyn separated from Mel shortly after his infamous DUI arrest; that's the one that made the news because it was accompanied by plenty of anti Semitic ranting from Mr Gibson. However Robyn didn't file for divorce until this April. Though Mel claims that the DUI ruined his marriage, sources say that Robyn got enraged when she learned that Gibson had put Grogrieva and her son up in one of his Hollywood mansions! When she learned about the secret pregnancy it was too much. As for Gregorieva, she has been recently spotted out and about with what appears to be a baby bump.

So things are heating up, regardless of what TMZ says. The problem with TMZ is that they've gotten too big to go with the story - they're constantly afraid of getting dragged into court for libel. That means they're only gonna post what some publicists says. If you want the real dirt then you've got to go to the small independent blogs, like this one. We don't care who's toes we step in, and we're still small enough to get away with that!

Burglars tie up Dolph Lundgren's wife!

More bondage gone haywire. in this case it involves a break in at the Marbella home of former Rocky co star Dolph Lundgren. Three intruders entered the premise, surprised Lundgren's wife, and tied her up - that's when thing's turned ugly. They start threatening the woman with knifes until she told them the location of cash and jewelry in the home. They then took to ransacking the place. While they were turning the joint upside down they noticed a pic of the woman's husband - 6'6" in action hero and martial arts black belt. That's when the had some second thought s and tore on out of the place. Ms Lundgren managed to untie herself and then phoned for help.

Dolph isn't the only one that the burglars have to worry about. The police are fine toothing the CCTV footage to see if the can pick up on any clues. They should be pretty well motivated to take this seriously too. Dolph ain't the only big wig in the neighbourhood. The locale is also home to Simon Cowell, Antonio Bandaras, and Alan Sugar among others. So let this be a lesson to prospective burglars concidering a future in crime: if you're gonna rob some one then make sure that they're not bigger than you, and make sure that they don't have friends in high places. It's just not worth the trouble.

Special Celebrity Profile - Erin Esurance

Pink hair, big boobs, AND she's one of them dirty hippie liberals.

animated - if not exactly life like

She might only be a cartoon character, but the again so was Mickey Mouse. She is extremely popular, especially over @ deviantart.com, and among a certain type of male who finds real women scary Erin also occasionally shows up over @ comicartfans.com - she's pretty popular among comic tart fans, too).

not ready for 3D player

Erin's career looks like it's picking up too. She does have that tie in to the Star Trek. However I'm not sure she's ready to make the transition to 3D yet. Computer simulation might do to her what talkies did to Clara Bow!

Remember to keep checking in @ Wondertrash, where you can have an adventure just be reading (and without even the risk of a paper cut!).

Mickey Brett blows the whistle on Brangelina

What are they doing letting a pathological liar convicted of 11 different crimes around the brood? Quick, some one call child protective services on 'em!

Lost's Henry Ian Cusick is a motorboater!

Lost actor leaves former crew member shaken, not stirred

What's a motorboater? That's something that has gotten Lost's Henry Ian Cusick into hot water of the sexual assault variety. Seems that Mr Cusick got familiar in an unfriendly manner with one of the crew members on Lost. The lady in question is Chelsea Stone, and after two years she's launched a lawsuit claiming that Cusick did all sort of creepy things to her during her time with the show. For instance he liked to massage her buttocks. he also liked to sneak up behind her and rub down her back while making moaning and groaning noises. Then there was his piece de resistance with the ladies: he'd stick his nose into her cleavage and shake his head from side to side! Why that old charmer!

Cusick should learn to keep his nose clean!

Now Chelsea went through the proper channels about this. She complained to the producers. they basically told her to belt up. Shortly after that she started getting cold shouldered on the set. She wouldn't have to put up with the silent treatment of long though, 'cause she was fired within the week! Naturally Chelsea felt that this was a bit much. So she has decided to launch a law suit against Cusick, and his ABC masters, for an undisclosed sum of money! She claims that she's due for humiliation, plus emotional distress! I guess that Mr Cusick is the one humiliated now.

Friendly neighbourhood perverts

So the big question, besides whether the allegations are true, is what got into Mr Cusick? Was he channelling the ghost of Jack Tripper? These David Duchovney antics might go over in junior high, but even Charlie Sheen knows better than that! Good Time Charlie might pay for it, but he always treats the girls like ladies! Henry Ian, James Bond you ain't.

Maybe Mr Cusick could learn to chill out, and control his urges with the use of calming new age music, like this -

Casey Aldridge Charged in Single Car Crash

Looks like some more serious bad news for the Spears family. Jamie Lynn Spears' alleged baby daddy Casey Aldridge has been injured in a single car crash. Aldridge was driving home about 1:30 AM last night with two friends returning from a fishing trip when he wrecked his F 150 pick up down in Jackson, Mississippi. Aldridge was rushed to a near by hospital for treatment, and is believed to be suffering from a broken collar bone and a possible blood clot on the brain. Jamie Lynn is currently at the hospital with him.

Now I say that Aldridge is the alleged baby daddy because the rumour going around when Jamie Lynn announced her pregnancy was that one of her Zoey 101 producers did the deed. Jamie was below the age of consent at the time, and that would've made the producer guilty of statutory rape, should the story be proved true. It was thought that if the 'official' father was some one in Jamie Lynn's own age range the law would look more kindly on the situation. They wouldn't charge a pair of teenagers for doing what comes naturally; where as some 5o year old bastard doing a 15 year old might get the book thrown at him. Sources on the set say that the producer was walking around in a panic around the time the pregnancy was announced.

Britney Spears' hairy situation

Trapeze act goes amok!

Another hairy situation for Britney Spears. The first was probably her much publicized head shaving, around the time she flipped out. That created a media circus, with the video showing up on youtube, the hair salon owner offering Britney's shorn hair, along with the Red Bull tin she'd been drinking out of, online through a site called BuyBritneysHair.com. Asking price was a cool million!

Now Britney's hair is in the headlines again. During her onstage Circus performance, Britney hair extension came loose. This was during a segment when a leather clad sex boy is lowered down from the ceiling via ropes, and position on top of a recline Brintey. They then lock hips and Britney is carried aloft. It's during that maneuver that Brit's extensions come off. In the video it's barely visible. Then general clumsiness of the maneuver is much more obvious.

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt ban paps from wedding

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt have banned the paparazzi from their intended wedding tomorrow! Now Heidi and Pratt were involved in a publicized faux wedding before. Then they announced that the ceremony was a fake job. Now that they're planning on doing it for real, they don't want any nasty little shutter bugs showing their faces and sleazing up the occasion. Heidi and Prat are capable of doing that on their own, and without nay help. Besides, their official Do not Disturb press release was probably unnecessary. I'm sure that the paps had no plans to show up anyway! So that should come as a release, unless this was only some kind of ham fisted tip off in the expectation that prying eyes would turn out in droves. In that case they might get disappointed. I'm not sure anyone finds that pair very interesting!

Paris Hilton & Doug Reinhardt take it to the next level

Paris finds a sperm donor, now looking for a home

Things are getting serious between Paris Hilton and her new boyfriend Doug Rinhardt. Word has it that the couple are looking for new digs so that they can move in together! What's more the couple are talking seriously about starting a family together. Apparently Paris is intent on having some kids. She had picked out the twin brother of ex BF Nicole Richie, Benjie Madden, to plow her field for her, but that didn't work out. The couple split leaving Paris disappointed and making some comments about not being able to trust men. It also left Benji quickly rebounding onto other gals without missing a beat. Lets hope things work out this time. PH ain't as bad as she pretends!

Jay Leno released from hospital

Is Leno on the bottle?

Tonight Show host Jay Leno has been released from hospital. He admitted himself the other day complaining of not feeling well. Not details were given and the Tonight Show was cancelled. Now he's out again and his publicist is saying that Leno is feelin' fine. His publicist also mentioned that Leno was suffering from dehydration. Now that might not have been the thing to say since dehydration, like exhaustion, has become PR double talk for alcoholism.

Will Jessica Simpson choose booze?

Mr Sunday Tony Romo has laid down the law to Jessica Simpson: lose the boose or lose me! Now it's no secret that Jessica wants tony to take their game to the next level. With nothing going on in her life career wise. Jess is hoping that marriage and family can fill the gaping hole her lost stardom has left. Tony however is putting on the breaks.

It's no secret that Jess likes to drink. When she was hospitalized for a kidney infection awhile back rumours leaked out that the real reason was alcohol abuse. In fact some stories claimed that she had burned out her kidneys, liver, and urinary tract from an obscene amount of alcohol. Either that or she's gonna have to switch to low ash cat food. Jess is currently involved in a law suit with the makers of a fitness video that she was to star in. They maintain that Jess showed up for the taping too drunk to perform, and so is responsible for the project's failure.

Now Tony is using her alcohol problem as the excuse to put off marriage. It seems that Jess has been hitting the bottle with a vengeance lately. After cluing up her opening act gig with Rascal Flats she celebrity by going on a 5 alarm bender. That had Tony putting his foot down. No marriage until she gets off the sauce! Well I hope that Romo is prepared for the consequences. Simpson has been known to pack on the pounds when she's not dulling her emotions with liquor. Would he rather have a thin, pretty, boozed up Jessica; or a fat, needy, sober Jess? Some might think that's not much of a choice!

Michael Jackson Collides with Ambulance!

In Touch calling quits on Brangelina

Relations between Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are at an all time low — but the two are putting on a show of unity for the cameras.
“Sure, they look happy in photos,” a source tells In Touch Weeklymagazine. “They are actors and can turn it on for the cameras most of the time.
“The cracks in their relationship are getting deeper and deeper.”
The couple — who raise six children together — apparently had an argument just before Easter, which is said to have resulted in Brad storming out of their rented Long Island, New York, mansion.
“He told her very clearly that he just can’t live with her anymore,” the source added. “He said it was over. He was like, ‘I’m outta here,’ and left.”
It was recently claimed that Jolie had offered Pitt $90 million for custody of their kids.

Remember that France is the location of Brad Pitt's alleged mystery Sudanese woman - according to Ian Undercover!

Let Wondertrash slip you a Mickey

It's never too early for a dose of Mickey Rourke, so sit back and watch while the Wrestler grapples with these ten questions!

Now here's the Mickster getting carted off by his son -

Angelina Jolie signed up for a new role

Remember that break Angelina Jolie keep promising to make - well no such luck. Angelina has signed on to play fictional medical examiner Kay Scarpetta in a film based on the popular series of novels by Patrica Cornwall. No word on which novel the film is gonna be based on. Jolie is still hashing that out with the writers. Fan reaction is kinda mixed, and by mixed I mean dubious. Fans of the series feel that Angie ain't really Kay Scarpetta material, and that some one like Edie Falco might be more appropriate for the role. That might be a little harsh on Jolie. She's is beginning to look a little like Estelle Getty lately!

Classmate recalls alleged Craigslist 'sex murderer'

Class mate Morgan Houston shares her insights on Craigslist suspect - real life Dexter - Philip Markoff!

Nadya Suleman's Stripper Past Exposed!

Why are all those people obsessed with me saying I'm obsessed with her?

Nadya Suleman's belly isn't the only thing with stretchmarks, cause Octomom has been stretching the truth. remember how she said she'd only been a stripper for one night, and then just for the experience? Well In Touch has done some digging and come up with her former partners in crime! According to In Touch Nadya was stripping for a year. More than that she worked under the name "Angelina" - a coincidence? Though she says she hadn't so much as kissed a guy at the time, a former associate, Luis Ceballos - a limo driver, describe her as worldly; and claim that she regularly flirted with clients.

Metric

Metric has a new album out, and here's a preview. If you thought Help I'm Alive was a one hit wonder then you gotta listen - every track is a winner!

Paydirt

It seems that Oksana Pochepa is more interesting then people might at first think. Not just because she's allegedly screwing Mel Gibson and talking about it to the tabs either. According to a close friend and unnamed source, Oksana not only enjoys seamy sex, but she also gets a real kick out of writing about it! Said friend says that Oksana likes to keep a journal. The journal however is really more of a sex diary detailing what Oksana's done, and whom, and when! Further more Oksana likes to show the book around to friends and acquaintances, to get their reaction. The un named friend even claims to have had a peep between the covers of Oksana's sex diary, and had his mind blown! "It's all sex with her" he was quoted as commenting. Now that's gotta be a divorce attorney's dream come true!

Of course this comes hot on the heels of People mag's revelation that Mel was actually seeing Oksana Grigorieva. She's the chick who had the love child with former James Bond star Timothy Dalton. She also lives in a house 'linked to' Mel Gibson. It is timely for her to finally come out of the wood work, since Mel doesn't need Pochepa making up any more fantasies for the tabs!

Alicia Silverstone looks shiteous!

Watch for her in the following video - she's the one who's afraid of storms!

It took decades for Liz Taylor to get herself in that kind of a state! I know Alicia Silverstone's disturbing appearance wasn't the point of the preceding video, but it is what's getting picked up on (Had the video's makers known they might've asked Alicia to participate with a bag over her head, as a sort of "Unknown Celebrity")! That's the trouble with attempts to reach out and connect with other people - you can't tell what they'll make of it! It's as if some built in tendency towards distraction made people miss the point of anything even remotely resembling propaganda. So even brainwashing with the right message can get lost along the way! Maybe if high minded public services announcements were combined with high dose of Ritalin, it might finally be possibly to get through to people. When it comes to chaingin' folk's minds, drugs work better than humour! Besides, humour is only really useful at subverting ideas, not imparting them! The medium is the message like they say!

Orange Alert - Generic Celebrity is a Million Dollar Idea

Everyone wants to be someone else - it's the whole idea behind celebrity. So why not market that in the form of  'do it yourself' generic celebrity kits? This would give ordinary people the chance to imitate celebrities by copying their most basic characteristics!  We can't let Octomom have all the fun!

Now you too can be a generic celebrity, & without the humiliation of appearing on reality TV!

The kit would include over sized sun glasses, extra larger rubber lips, huge plastic buck teeth for that Hollywood overbite (I've got a plan to make those from used sports mouth guards!), and a bottle of fake tan product. The whole kit and caboodle could be marketed under the name Agent Orange! It would give people the chance to transform themselves from normal, into something more like this - 

Don't settle for normal - join the cryptohumans!

Of course once you hit the streets in your Agent Orange gear: buck toothed, bug eyed, and glowing bright orange; people will assume that you must be some body important, or that you've been exposed to some kind of weird radiation! Either way you're just bound to stand out!

Hollywood Uncensored

Here are a few pix of your favourite celebrities au naturalle and without artificial additives. Be prepared to be shocked!

So cheer up, Brooke!

Brooke Shields: "I Wish I Had the Face I Had a Decade Ago"

What I regret most about my career is the time wasted in higher education!

Brooke Shields is turning 44 nest month ands she's not happy about it. For one thing she hates the way people think "Hogan" when you say "Brooke". That kind of word association is just insulting! For another thing she doesn't like the way mature chicks suddenly become second class citizens in Hollywood, even if they used to be really hot 20 years ago (a pain Sharon Stone knows only too well! Not that Brooke's new found awareness has lead to any kind of empathy. Brooke points out that she's not Diane Keaton or Glenn Close - meaning age wise. Alas for her not in talent either!). For instance Brooke will be reading a script and say "I'm really interested in this project, and I really relate to this character." and the casting director will be like "No dear, we wanted you as the mother." So then Brooke will come off like "Kidding! I knew that!"

Saving Face

It seems that Shields wants the powers to be to remember that she's only 44; it's not like she's morphed into Glenn Close! However Brooke seems painfully aware that she's not Megan Fox either. Says Shields in a magazine interview - "I always find it funny that so much skin cream advertising features, like, Jessica Alba," she says. "She's gorgeous, and 12! Okay? They're all that age! I don't care how much La Mer I put on my skin, I'm not going to have Jessica Alba's face!"

Face Off

In fact saving face seems to be the problem. Brooke states in the interview that she wishes she had the face she had 10 years ago. More precisely, the problem is that she does! She needs a new face! That's the point of cosmetic surgery! Self defeatism won't help either - with current face transplant technology she might actually be able to have Jessica Alba's face (I don't believe Alba is using it - professionally anyway - at the moment). If she can pull it off, not Alba's face literally, then the celebrity face transplant might be a whole new Hollywood trend. Then insecure older but established actresses could go from snatching children out of 3rd world countries, to snatching the faces off fresh young starlets. An Angelina Jolie might go on for years, as long as there's a fresh supply of young Scarlett Johansson's to be harvested. Why it's the stuff of fairy tales - mirror mirror on the wall, and you know how Hollywood loves fairy tales (something they picked up off of Disney). It does put the movie industry into perspective though. With all their talk about making art, by they way they've sidelined some of their best actresses they might as well start handing out Oscars for "Best Plastic Surgery", and "Freshest Face".

Russell Crowe looking good on Nottingham!

This is a big credibility blow for Sienna Miller. She described Russell Crowe as being more like Friar Tuck, and claimed that his weight was the reason for her walking from thee production! She said, through friends, that he was too fat too do believable love scenes with some one as beautiful as herself. She also claimed that Russell was plotting against director Ridely Scott. That's when Sienna made her exit from movies to Broadway.

Of course Russ's people said Sienna got canned for being to drunk to perform. Besides, I still think she made a play for him, and it blew up in her face. Still, it might not be the end of her career. I hear that she's signed up for a new film called The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, or Shitsburgh as Sienna might call it. That chick got a real way of pissin' folk off, don't she? Perhaps if she kept her trap shut more, she'd do better.

Wondertrash - the blog that offers you more celebrity bondage!

Rod Blagojevich in the reality TV market!

When life hands you a lemon - scandal pays!

Celebrity Racism - Jackie Chan

Politics & Celebrity - they have to stop meeting like this

Jackie Chan has some pretty definite views on his countrymen. While attending a meeting in Hainan, in which China's Prime Minister Wen Jiabao was present, Chan made the following statements:

“I’m not sure if it is good to have freedom or not… I’m really confused now. If you are too free, you are like the way Hong Kong is now. It’s very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic… I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we are not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”

Oh crap, is this a trap?

This is one of those awkward situations where right thinking lefty types aren't sure how offended they should be. Chan is Chinese. So it presents the same problem as white liberal minded types going to a show by a black stand up comedian where that act consists of racial stereotyping. They're just not sure how freely they may enjoy themselves without falling into some kind of trap!

The oppression of freedom, or the freedom to be oppressed; if we choose?

Well if you're worried about this case, then don't. Not only is Chan Chinese, so was the audience. They applauded en masse! Chan's whole anti freedom stuff went over like a shoe at a George Bush news conference in down town Tehran! Of course much of the applause might've been due to the fact that the secret police were taking names. Then again it might be worth while to remember that tolerance isn't the patronizing belief that everyone else will eventually be just like us with some time and effort! Tolerance is the acceptance of differences. Genuine tolerance might've spared the west a war on terror, and Iran it's current allergic reaction to democracy!

Father under arrest, denies trying to sell Slumdog actress

You'll be happy to hear that the rumours about Rubina Ali are untrue. Those who aren't happy to hear it probably don't know who Rubina is. Ms Ali is the child actress in Slumdog Millionaire. The rumour is that her old man is willing to sell her off - that is adopt her out - to the highest bidder!

Her father Raqif Qureshi says that the story is nothing but a pack of lies. He doesn't deny meeting with a man posing as a wealthy Arab sheik to discuss selling his daughter though. Since the sheik was actually a man acting on behalf of Britain's News of the World, it would be pointless. They've got him dead to rights on that one.

Raqif claims he met with the man out of pure open mindedness - an admirable trait or so everyone says. The bogus sheik expressed an interested in adopting Ms Ali, and explained to her father that since she would be much better off raised by wealthy oil Arabs, then it would be in her best interest to be sold. It might also be worth the father's while too! According to the NOTW, Raqif then put selfish attachments aside, and agreed to part with his daughter for the low low price of $400 000!

Dad maintains that he would not be tempted! He insists that he told the bogus sheik to go right back to Mecca. He was sure he'd made the right decision when Rubina herself expressed a wish to stay with her father. however Qureshi's ex wife is telling a different story. She says her daughter told her she might be sold off as recently as 2 weeks ago! Now the ex Ms Qureshi is complaining to the police! That's probably why he has just been arrested! I wonder if they'll sentence him to some kind of rehab?

Still all is not lost. With Madonna and Angelina Jolie on the prowl and looking to snatch an available infant away from their natural parents, there still has to be a chance for Mr Qureshi to make a deal! Why I hear that Amy Winehouse is current in the market for a slightly used, pre loved baby! Even Oprah Winfrey herself might not be above snapping up a few available tots, if she can get them for a good deal.

Britney Spears thinks her dad is drugging her

Britney Spears paranoid fantasies are returning. Britney believes that her father Jamie Spears is drugging her. By drugging I mean administering substances above and beyond the cocktail of downers and pick me ups prescribed by her doctor - like Valium and Ativan (and you can't beg borrow of steal Valium these days). Britney believes that her father is slipping her some extra pills!

Now why would he wanted Britney to be even more drugged up? Well like every paranoid person Britney has a theory. She believes that Daddy wants her at a disadvantage so that he can keep her under control - and more specifically keep control of what's left of her millions!

Britney is so desperate that she has even snuck off a few secret text messages to former boyfriend, current felon Adnan Ghalib (oh for f*s sake!). Apparently she's hoping that Adnan can come to the rescue again. Most keen observers realized that we would never see the end of Ghalib, but what keen observers might expect next is the return of Sam Lutfi. If you'll recall he was the guy Britney thought was drugging her before she thought that her father was drugging her. So she may try to play heavies off against teach other. Britney, Britney, Britney - just because they're out to get you doesn't mean that you're not paranoid; and if they're out to get you, then cracking up won't help!

Patsy Kensit married again

Professional groupie, or gropie, Patsy Kensit has married for the fourth time. If you're not familiar with Pats, she's a Brit model/actress of the B List variety (she's not gonna be seen on Richard Branson's back ever!) who gained some international notoriety when she claimed that Brad Pitt made a pass at her, back in the early heyday of Brangelinamania. People were skeptical, pointing out that you don't go from Angelina Jolie to Patsy Kensit unless you've had a head injury. Those were the people trying to be kind. The rest just pointed out that the name Patsy Kenist spells "A Stinky Pest".

Serial Groupie

Well when good ole Pats isn't starting rumours or exposing her lady bits, she collects musicians - literally. So far she has been married to Dan Donovan of Big Audio Dynamite, Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, and Liam Gallagher of Oasis (I'm not sure if he's the brother with poor salivary gland control - anyway Oasis is what the people who didn't listen to Nirvana listened to). In other words she's been with everyone except Weird Al Yankovic! her latest victim isn't a musician, he's a DJ - Jeremy Healy. Patsy's no spring chicken anymore so head liners are out of the question.

If you can't make the effort then go through the motions!

Just because this is no 4, and a step down, doesn't mean that they didn't do it like they meant it. Pats and Jere wrote their own vows. Pats promised to 'not to be too needy, not to lose my rag and to accept you are not always around.' Jere promised 'never to cheat, to be supportive and to always be contactable.' now isn't that poetic - must be what comes from a lifetime hangin with the industries finest lyricists! The guest list was a who's who of no body's and has beens too! Simon Le Bon was there - that's the Duran Duran guy for anyone who was there during the 80's. He helped ruin New Wave along with Boy George (who wasn't there - he's under lock and key for sex crimes!). Liz Hurley was also in attendance - she's godmother to Kenist's son. Hurley even brought Arun Nayar along, so apparently they haven't divorced or killed each other yet (regardless of what you've been hearing). Now how's that for getting off with a bang? Well at least they both showed up - that's gotta count for something.

Best man?

Branson no virgin!

While poor old Lindsay Lohan might be having a rough time, randy billionaire Sir Richard Branson is living it up James Bond style. Branson was recently photographed down at his private Caribbean island, Necker, kite surfing with a naked woman attached to his back. Now why was he kite surfing with a naked woman on his back? Clothes would've only increased wind resistance!

The woman - model Denni Parkinson - featured in other pix with Branson, and was naked in all of them. Did she tear off for the Caribbean and forget to pack a bag? Even better did Branson hook up and forget to clue in his wife Joan? Photographer Stephane Gautronneau believes that Joan is well aware of Denni's existence. After all Branson's kids Sam and Holly were cheering him on from the shore! I guess when you run a company called Virgin, you've got a name to live down!

BTW I have also managed to get a photo of the photographer - Stephane Gautronneau - and here it is! He's the guy in the white shoes.

Mr Gautronneau showed up on the following web site - Antipodes.